- WELL...
HAPPY FRIDAY TO YOU, AND...
[cheers and applause]
I JUST REALIZED I WAS STANDING LIKE THIS,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
I JUST CAUGHT MYSELF DOING THIS.
HAPPY FRIDAY.
IT'S TGIF, WHICH USED TO BE "THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY,"
AND NOW IT MEANS "THE GOVERNMENT IS FAILING."
[cheers and applause]
YOU KNOW, WHAT I USUALLY IS, I COME OUT HERE,
AND I SHARE WITH YOU WHAT IS ON MY MIND,
AND TODAY I WANT TO SWITCH IT UP,
AND I WANT TO HEAR WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND,
SO BEFORE THE SHOW, WE ASKED THE AUDIENCE
IF THERE WERE ANY SPECIAL DEDICATIONS
OR MESSAGES OR THINGS ON THEIR MIND,
ANYTHING THEY WANTED TO GET OFF THEIR CHEST,
AND SO I'M GONNA SHARE SOME OF THEM RIGHT NOW WITH YOU.
IT'S OUR SEGMENT CALLED "FROM THE AUDIENCE WITH LOVE."
- [singing] LOVE, LOVE
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE
LOVE, LOVE
- ALL RIGHT, THESE ARE SPECIAL MESSAGES
FROM PEOPLE IN TODAY'S AUDIENCE.
YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER TELLING THEM TO US,
BUT I HAVE THEM...
[laughter]
RIGHT HERE.
YOU CAN ALL STAY SEATED.
BEVERLEY MILLER.
WHERE ARE YOU, BEVERLEY MILLER?
HI, BEVERLEY. HOW ARE YOU?
[cheers and applause]
HERE WE GO, BEVERLEY.
SHE SAYS, "DEAR, ELLEN,
"I KNOW MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL BE WATCHING TODAY,
"SO IT'S FINALLY TIME I CAME CLEAN.
"FOR THE LAST 25 YEARS,
I'VE BEEN STEALING SWEET'N LOW FROM THE RESTAURANTS."
[laughter and applause]
"I DON'T EVEN DRINK COFFEE,
"BUT THE MIX OF SHAME AND EXHILARATION
MAKES ME FEEL TRULY BOTH SWEET AND LOW."
WHERE IS PAULA HARRISON?
HI, PAULA.
[cheers and applause]
HERE WE GO, PAULA.
SHE SAYS, "I WANT TO SEND OUT A HELLO
"TO MY FAMILY BACK HOME IN DAYTON, OHIO.
"I ALSO WANT TO SEND A SPECIAL HELLO
TO MY SECRET FAMILY IN CLEVELAND."
[laughter]
THANK YOU, PAULA.
THANKS FOR SHARING.
SUSAN SALT. WHERE ARE YOU SUSAN SALT?
HI, SUSAN.
SUSAN SAYS, "HI, ELLEN, I WAS HOPING MY MESSAGE
"COULD BRING SOME AWARENESS
"TO THE SPECIAL CONDITION THAT I SUFFER FROM,
IPHS, OR INCREDIBLY PERFECT HAIR SYNDROME."
[laughter and applause]
SUSAN GOES ON TO SAY,
"ALL MY LIFE I'VE HAD TO ENDURE
"THE JEALOUS STARES OF OTHER WOMEN
"WHO WISH THEIR HAIR COULD LOOK LIKE THIS
"AND THIS INCREDIBLE,
"BUT HOPEFULLY WITH YOUR HELP,
"PEOPLE WILL FINALLY UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS
TO BE AS BEAUTIFUL AS ME."
[laughter and applause]
THANK YOU.
LARRY HELMICK.
WHERE'S LARRY HELMICK?
LARRY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR MESSAGE AS WELL.
HE SAYS, "I'M A HUGE BASEBALL FAN,
"AND I'M HOPING THAT YOU COULD MAKE ONE OF MY DREAMS COME TRUE.
"I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO APPEAR ON THE BIG SCREEN
"WHEN THEY DO THAT KISS CAM,
"AND NOW THAT THE BASEBALL SEASON IS OVER,
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD ARRANGE IT?"
TO MAKE IT HAPPEN ON MY SHOW,
AND I THINK WE CAN DO THAT.
LET'S PUT THE KISS CAM ON.
[cheers and applause]
YOU'RE WELCOME.
ALL RIGHT.
[cheers and applause]
OH...
TERRI MILLARD.
WHERE IS TERRI MILLARD?
HI, TERRI.
TERRI SAYS, "ELLEN, I WANT TO THANK YOU
"FOR INSPIRING ME EVERY DAY.
"I'VE BEEN DANCING ALL MY LIFE.
"IN FACT, I STARTED MY CAREER AS A BURLESQUE DANCER,
PERFORMING UNDER THE NAME FREDA JIGGLE."
[laughter]
"AND THEN LATER AS JOSELINE BOTTOMS,
"AND FINALLY
"ELIZABETH TWEARKENS.
"LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME
TO TEACH YOU ANY DANCE MOVES TODAY."
WELL, AS I COME AROUND THAT WAY,
I MAY ASK YOU TO HELP ME OUT.
THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR SHARING YOUR MESSAGES.
I WILL NOW SHARE THIS DANCE WITH YOU.