LAST WEEK...
(LAUGHTER) OH, (BLEEP) JUST GOT REAL.
LAST WEEK, THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION AND IRAN IN
COOPERATION WITH RUSSIA, FRANCE, BRITAIN, GERMANY AND CHINA,
REACHED AN HISTORIC OUTLINE OF A FRAMEWORK
OF AN OUTLINE OF A POTENTIAL DRAFT FOR A PRE-FINAL
TENTATIVE NUCLEAR DEAL ARRANGEMENT!
PENDING APPROVAL.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BUT FIRST, CONGRESS HAS SOME
CONCERNS.
>> THIS DEAL DOESN'T DISMANTLE ONE CENTRIFUGE, IT DOESN'T CLOSE
ONE SITE.
>> NO ONE TRUSTS IRAN.
>> I DON'T TRUST THE LEADERSHIP OF IRAN.
>> THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CLEAR RECOGNITION ON THEIR PART
THAT ISRAEL HAS A RIGHT TO EXIST AS A JEWISH STATE.
>> I WOULDN'T HAVE STARTED THESE NEGOTIATIONS TO BEGIN WITH.
>> Jon: WHAT!
SO I GUESS WE'RE GIVING CEDING TO LIARS AND ANTI-SEMITES IN A
NEGOTIATION THAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE EXISTED BUT
OTHER THAN THAT, GOOD FIRST DRAFT.
WHAT COURSE OF ACTION IF NOT A TREATY WOULD CONGRESS RECOMMEND?
>> SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF WHAT PRESIDENT CLINTON DID IN
DECEMBER 1998, SEVERAL DAYS OF AIR AND NAVAL BOMBING
AGAINST IRAQ'S WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION FACILITIES.
>> Jon: OH, RIGHT!
1998, CLINTON SENT MISSILES IN THERE IN OPERATION I GUESS
THAT'S THAT.
(LAUGHTER) YEAH, THAT 1998 BOMBING FIXED
IRAQ FOREVER, TRANSITIONING THAT COUNTRY FROM A DICTATORSHIP
TO AN AMERICAN-LOVING KITTEN-AND-FUDGE-BASED
DEMOCRACY.
EVERYONE LOVES A KITTEN-AND-FUDGE-BASED
--DEMOCRACY. BUT THE TRUTH IS, EVEN IF THE SENATORS --
(LAUGHTER)
REALLY? HONESTLY, JUST ADDED A [BLEEP] T. THAT'S ALL WE DID.
EVEN IF THE SENATORS DID THINK THE DEAL WITH IRAN WAS A GOOD
DEAL, THE SENATORS WOULD STILL HAVE TO FULFILL THEIR
CONSTITUTIONAL OBLIGATION.
>> NO SENATE OR HOUSE SHOULD EVER LET ANY PRESIDENT DO AWAY
WITH CONGRESSIONAL SANCTIONS CREATED BY THE BODIES WITHOUT
THEIR APPROVAL.
>> I THINK IT'S CRITICAL THAT IS SENATE APPROVE THIS LIKE WE
DO ANY TREATY.
>> IT REQUIRES THE ADVICE AND CONSENT OF THE UNITED STATES
SENATE.
>> Jon: SLOW DOWN THERE, McCAIN!
SENATE'S ALREADY IN SESSION, LIKE, THREE DAYS A MONTH!
(LAUGHTER) YOU DON'T WANT TO OVERLOAD YOUR
SCHEDULE, BLOW A GASKET.
OF COURSE!
THE CONSTITUTION ALSO GIVES CONGRESS THE RESPONSIBILITY TO
DECLARE WAR.
HOW CONCERNED ARE THEY WITH DEFENDING THAT AUTHORITY FROM
PRESIDENTIAL OVERREACH?
>> I DON'T WANT TO LIMIT OUR COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF.
>> THIS RESOLUTION SAYS WIN A WAR, IT TAKES GROUND TROOPS
WHEREVER IT TAKES.
>> A GUY NAMED RONALD REAGAN INVADED A SOVEREIGN, SMALL
SOVEREIGN NATION CALLED GRENADA, YOU KNOW, AND NOTIFIED
EVERYBODY THE NEXT MORNING AFTER, AFTER IT WAS COMPLETED.
>> CONGRESS SHOULD SORT OF SHUT UP.
>> Jon: THE PRESIDENT NEEDS TO FOCUS, EVERYBODY!
HE'S BOMBING PEOPLE!
MY ADVICE IS THAT CONGRESS CONSENT TO A HOT CUP OF SHUT
THE (BLEEP) UP!
DELAWARE!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) DELAWARE, WHEN THE PRESIDENT'S
BOMBING PEOPLE, YOU SO MUCH SAY A WORD I WILL SHOVE YOU SO FAR
UP MASSACHUSETTS' ASS, YOU WILL SMELL MAINE!
(LAUGHTER)
A LOT OF THE TOUGH TALK FROM --
AS A MATTER OF FACT, CONGRESS IS SO LAX IN THEIR WAR-MAKING
OVERSIGHT, THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF IS SOMEWHAT UNCOMFORTABLE WITH
THE AMOUNT OF FIRE IN HIS POWER LIKE HIS DRONE STRIKE AUTHORITY.
>> ONE OF THE THINGS WE'VE GOT TO DO IS PUT A LEGAL
ARCHITECTURE IN PLACE AND WE NEED CONGRESSIONAL HELP TO DO
THAT TO MAKE SURE THAT NOT ONLY AM I REINED IN BUT ANY PRESIDENT
IS IN TERMS OF SOME OF THE DECISIONS WE'RE MAKING.
>> Jon: STOP ME CONGRESS BEFORE I KILL -- OH, TOO LATE.
TURNS OUT, WHEN IT COMES TO BOMBING COUNTRIES OR SENDING
ADVISORS TO COUNTRIES OR DRONE STRIKING COUNTRIES, CONGRESS IS
THE GIRL WHO JUST CAN'T SAY NO.
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO COOPERATING WITH COUNTRIES, TREATIES -- HOLD
ON THERE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MISTER?
LIKE THE SMALL ARMS TREATY TO STOP THE ILLEGAL INTERNATIONAL
TRADE OF ARMS RATIFIED BY 66 OTHER COUNTRIES.
>> WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD SOMEBODY WANT TO GIVE TO CEDE
TO THE UNITED NATIONS OR ANY MULTI-NATIONAL GROUP THE POWER
TO MAKE DETERMINATIONS AS TO WHOM, WITH WHOM WE TRADE ARMS.
>> THIS TREATY WILL INFRINGE ON THE SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS OF
AMERICAN GUN OWNERS.
>> Jon: BLACK MARKET SOMALI ARMS TRAFFICKING DOESN'T KILL
PEOPLE.
PEOPLE WHO BUY BLACK MARKET SOMALI ARMS -- OH, FORGET IT!
(LAUGHTER) OR THE LAW OF THE SEA TREATY
WHICH CREATES GUIDELINES FOR HOW COUNTRIES CAN RESPONSIBLY USE
MARINE NATURAL RESOURCES, RATIFIED BY 167 COUNTRIES OR
IT'S KNOWN, EARTH MINUS US.
>> WHAT IT DOES IN JUST A ONE SENTENCE FORM IS TO RELINQUISH
OUR SOVEREIGNTY OVER 70% OF THE WORLD.
>> Jon: WHAT ARE WE THE SPANISH ARMADA?
AS YOU KNOW, AMERICA CURRENTLY OWNS THE OCEANS.
EVER SINCE PRESIDENT NIXON BLEW ON NEPTUNE'S FABLED CONCH SHELL
AND BECAME PRINCE OF THE DEEP!
(LAUGHTER) OR -- AND THE ONE IS HONESTLY
HARD TO BELIEVE THAT WE WON'T RATIFY, THE TREATY TO PROMOTE
RIGHTS FOR THE DISABLED RATIFIED BY 153 NATIONS.
>> IN ALL HONESTY, I DON'T WANT TO LOSE OUR SOVEREIGNTY IN THIS
ISSUE.
>> Jon: OH! I DON'T WANT SOME ONE WORLD BLACK HELICOPTER
ILLUMINATI COMING HERE AND TELLING US WHICH RAMP NEEDS
TO GO IN FRONT OF WHICH LIBRARY!
AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS THAT WE'RE ALWAYS WORKING AGAINST OTHER
COUNTRIES, WE DO WORK WITH OTHER COUNTRIES, WE DO IT ALL THE
TIME.
>> WELL, CERTAINLY WE NEED OTHER PARTNERS.
I MEAN, WE NEED THESE OTHER ARAB COUNTRIES TO STEP IN.
>> THE UNITED STATES MUST BE COMMITTED TO BUILDING A
COALITION THAT ASSISTS THE IRAQI, KURDISH AND FREE SYRIAN
FORCES.
>> DEMONSTRATE OUR COMMITMENT TO THE GLOBAL COALITION IN
DEFEATING THIS RADICAL ISLAMIC ORGANIZATION.
>> AMERICAN SOLDIERS NEED TO GO BACK TO SYRIA AND IRAQ AS PART
OF THE COALITION -- >> Jon: SEE?
YOU WANT TO WORK WITH THE UNITED STATES, HUH?
WELL, THERE'S ONLY TWO THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH RAMPS -- BUILD
'EM OR BOMB 'EM.
(LAUGHTER) AND I DON'T SEE NO BUILDING RAMP
MATERIALS.
(LAUGHTER) WHICH BRINGS US TO THE QUESTION,
WHY ARE WE SO (BLEEP) CAUTIOUS AND UNWILLING TO COOPERATE WITH
THE GLOBAL COMMUNITY ON NON-MILITARY AGREEMENTS?
>> WHENEVER A BILL OR A TREATY IS PASSED, THERE ARE SOME
UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES.
>> LET'S DO IT WITHOUT ENMESHING OUR NATION INTO ANOTHER BINDING
INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION THAT WILL CAUSE MORE GRIEF THAN
BENEFIT.
>> YOU ALSO NEED TO PAY VERY CAREFUL ATTENTION TO THOSE
CONSEQUENCES THAT ARE UNINTENDED BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE THE DANGER
TRULY LIES.
>> Jon: YES, THE UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES OF TRYING TO MAKE
PEACE!
OUR CONGRESS IS INCREDIBLY CAUTIOUS ABOUT TREATIES BECAUSE
YOU NEVER KNOW THE BLOW-BACK PEACEFUL COOPERATION CAN HAVE!
WE SEE IT ALL THE TIME!
MAYBE IF WE HADN'T BEEN SO EAGER TO COLLECT HALLOWEEN
PENNIES FOR UNICEF, IRAQ WOULD BE A STABLE COUNTRY TODAY.
AND I.S.I.S. WOULD NEVER GET A FOOTHOLD.
BUT THAT'S THE KIND OF GOODNESS BAKED INTO OUR CONSTITUTION, TO
MAKE PEACE, TWO-THIRDS OF THE SENATE NEED TO COME ALONG.
YOU WANT TO GO TO WAR, THOUGH?
SIMPLE MAJORITY.
AND A QUICK TIP IF YOU CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE, YOU CAN DO
WHATEVER THE (BLEEP) YOU WANT.
WE'RE THE EDWARD SCISSORHANDS OF COUNTRIES.
WE WANT TO LOVE BUT WE ONLY KNOW HOW TO HURT!