I know the big news of the day is Trump pulling out
of the Paris climate accord, but before getting into that,
there's one story that, as New Yorkers,
we have to address.
Mr. Met is out of a job at the moment.
TV REPORTER: Mr. Met is fired.
TV REPORTER: He's out of there, and here's the reason why.
The video of the New York Mets mascot
giving a fan the middle finger.
You know, it's kind of sad that he got fired.
I mean, look at him, look at him.
What other job could he possibly get? Huh?
It's not like he can go work for Uber, right?
First of all, he could only drive a convertible,
and, secondly, every passenger is going to be, like,
"Hey, man, don't I recognize you from somewhere?
Don't I recognize you?"
He's gonna be like, (growls).
"Ah, yeah. And that's why you wonder why Uber is going down.
It's you. I knew it, I knew it."
But let's move on.
Let's move on from one white mascot flipping off a few fans
to another who's flipping off the entire world.
Breaking news, the president about to announce his decision
on the Paris climate accord.
Unfolding in Washington, D.C.,
the Rose Garden at the White House, where President Trump
is expected to speak shortly, any moment now.
The United States will withdraw
from the Paris...
climate accord.
(applause)
Thank you.
You know, I don't know what's worse,
the fact that Donald Trump may have doomed the planet,
or the fact that he announced it
like it's an episode of The Bachelorette.
(mimics Trump): Earth, we had
a great time in the hot tub...
but I got to give a rose to coal,
my black beauty, I choose you.
It's official, people.
Donald Trump has pulled the United States
out of the biggest climate agreement
the world has ever seen.
And we all joke about him destroying the world,
but this could be it.
And can I just say, telling nature to go (bleep) itself,
while standing in a garden is a pretty gangster move.
I'm not gonna lie.
Like, the only way that could have been more messed up
is if he did it with a polar bear standing in the background.
Yeah, although I'm sure Eric would have shown up
and shot the polar bear.
"Father, look what I brought you.
Do you love me now? Do you love me now?"
And if you still don't know what the Paris accord is,
here's why leaving it is such a big deal.
TV REPORTER: The Paris climate change accord
united 195 countries
in a single agreement to tackle climate change.
All the parties to the agreement are saying
it is our shared goal and shared purpose
to limit warming below two degrees Celsius.
Environmental experts claim if global average temperatures
warm more than that, it could lead to climate catastrophe.
Scientists say that that is a red line, that if we cross it,
there could be catastrophic,
and in-in the words of the United Nations,
irreversible effects.
Yep, that's right.
After the earth's temperature crosses a certain threshold
we may not be able to go back.
It's like telling your girlfriend
that her friend is hot.
That problem is manmade and irreversible.
You can never take it back.
"I said it one time, baby.
"It was one time.
Yeah, she's still hot but that's not the point."
What makes it worse is that every country
in the world agreed to this, right?
Even countries you wouldn't expect.
Russia agreed to this.
North Korea agreed-- North Korea.
Kim Jong-un was, like,
"I know I'm crazy, but hold on, hold on, hold on."
Hell, even Israel and Palestine are on the same side
when it comes to global climate change.
Israel and Palestine, imagine that.
They were like, "What are your views on climate change?
"Oh, wow. Same as ours.
"Wow. This is like when we agreed on pork.
"Yeah, yeah. And chickpeas.
"Wow. Why do we always fight?
"Well, only Allah knows.
That's the (bleep). That's it."
(applause)
Every country in the world agreed...
Okay, well, technically, technically,
there are two other countries
that the U.S. now joins.
Nicaragua-- they didn't sign the accord
because they don't think the deal is strict enough
on rich countries, and Syria didn't sign
because, I mean, they've got other things on their mind.
No, I mean, I think we can all agree that Syria gets a pass.
I'm sure right now Syria's like,
"Oh, you guys are worried you might be in trouble
"in a hundred years? Oh, yeah.
"I can't imagine how scary that must be for you.
Yeah, yeah."
So they have an excuse.
And now, really, you know, the news...
the news of Trump pulling out has sent shock waves
around the world,
but, uh, Donald Trump doesn't live in the world.
He lives in America.
I was elected to represent...
the citizens of Pittsburgh,
not Paris.
And every day, the citizens of Paris
are like, "Thank (bleep) for that.
Thank you."
But... but I do get what Trump was trying to say:
in his mind, this decision basically fulfilled his promise
to bring back old-school industrial jobs, you know?
Like cement and steel and coal.
And here's the the thing: we all want people to have jobs,
but the numbers have shown that green energy
is where the work is gonna be, right?
There are certain things that you can't bring back.
You can't bring back coal jobs. It may have been bag...
may have-may have been big back in the day,
but it's-it's not gonna work now, you know?
It's like Baywatch. You can't save it.
Doesn't matter who you bring.
And, you know what, I think this had less to do with jobs
and America's economy and more to do with how Trump
thinks this makes him look to the rest of the world.
The rest of the world applauded
when we signed the Paris agreement.
They went wild.
They were so happy.
For the simple reason...
that it put our country, the United States of America,
which we all love,
at a very, very big economic disadvantage.
At what point do they start laughing at us
as a country?
We don't want other leaders
and other countries
laughing at us anymore,
and they won't be.
No one...
No one was laughing at you, Donald.
I mean, well, not for this. Like...
No, I mean, they-they laugh at you for many other things,
but not for this. The other countries
were cheering because it was a chance
to save Mother Earth, not screw Uncle Sam.
Like, I don't know where Trump got this paranoid idea.
You know, like, the world was going,
"Ha, ha, look at this idiot joining us
"to save the planet and the children.
(laughs) Dumbass."
Who are you?
I mean, look, this is all really bad.
But on the bright side,
at least we found a new job for Mr. Met.
Yeah, just throw a little paint on him
and he can deliver the message to Trump
for the entire world.