• From drinking their own urine to putting makeup on a cat, the Planet Dolan crew re-enact
some of the best true stories from our subreddit about our weirdest encounters with drunk people.
I’m Hellbent and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by Pixelpoepleman SaltySquid
SaltySquid was at his brother’s wedding when he encountered his brother’s drunk
friend, Nixxiom. He walked up to him and looked at his forearms, which were ripped from years
of wrestling. Nixxiom said, “Your forearms are really over-developed and your biceps
are really under-developed.” He continued to tell SaltySquid that he was doing too much
of this… and grabbed SaltySquid’s hand and made a masturbating motion. He went on
to tell him that he wasn’t doing enough of this, then humped the air. Later that night,
Nixxiom tried to get SaltySquid to dance with him three times. When he refused and sat in
his chair, Nixxiom picked him up. He was about to throw him into a lake that was nearby.
Luckily, his brother came and tackled him.
Number 9 was submitted by _marsbars__ Ladybot
One time, when Ladybot was in a laundromat, a drunk man sat next to her. He complimented
her hair, which she thanked him for doing. Then he began to talk about his desires of
becoming a tattoo artist. Ladybot nodded and gave one-word answers, as to not be rude but
still let him know that she wanted peace and quiet. She was hoping that he would get the
message and leave, but he didn’t. Instead, he blankly said, “The police are saying
that I murdered my wife.” Ladybot froze and looked around the laundromat, wondering
if anyone else heard. When she asked him why the police were saying that, he began rambling
about how he and his wife had an argument where he threatened to kill her. He went on
to say how it was bullshit that the police were not taking his side. Ladybo t was still
in shock at how much he was confessing. He told her to look at his phone for some reason,
and that she will be his witness in court. Ladybot faked a smile and looked over at his
phone. He finally walked away, and Ladybot saw her opportunity to run out of there.
Number 8 was submitted by Tiny-Lilly Spincess
One day, Spincess was walking to the bus stop from school to meet her brother. While she
passed by an abandoned shop, she saw a drunk guy yelling at people as they passed by him.
As soon as Spincess reached her brother, she explained to him what she saw. Wanting to
check it out, her brother went to the abandoned shop where he saw the guy. He wasn’t yelling
anymore, but was pissing in an empty beer bottle. When he finished, the guy picked up
the bottle of piss and drank it. Her brother laughed, but Spincess felt sick.
Number 7 was submitted by Thewingdingspeaker Grgak
When Grgak was 13, he went to a Halloween party with his dad. After the party, his dad
went to the bathroom. While Grgak’s dad was at a urinal, a big, drunk homeless man
walked in and stood next to the urinals. He said to Grgak’s dad, “Hey, nice penis.”
At that point, Grgak walked in, wearing his zombie costume. The man turned around and
screamed. He pulled out a knife and stabbed Grgak in the gut. The cops came and, after
stabbing one of them, the other cop shot him in the arm. The man got arrested, and Grgak
had to go to the hospital to get stitches.
Number 6 was submitted by Ram_Believer Ramona
Ramona went to Washington, D.C. with her eighth grade class. One of their stops was the Crime
and Punishment Museum. They were in the interactive section, which was a mock-up of a crime scene.
Being a fan of murder mysteries, Ramona – along with two friends – were trying to solve
the fake murder when one of her friends began looking around the bed. She mentioned that
the dummy on the bed looked very realistic when it suddenly grabbed her. Ramona tried
to get him off of her, but he pulled her friend into his arms and mumbled, “No, that’s
MY teddy bear.” Ramona decided to play along, so she said in a motherly voice, “Come on,
sweetheart, you’re going to miss the bus.” The man was so drunk that he fell for it,
and he dropped her friend and ran out of the museum shouting.
Number 5 was submitted by Cha_Gui Froggy
One day, Froggy and her mother got home from grocery shopping. They let the dog out while
they carried the groceries inside. Their dog, like always, barked. The woman who lived next
door to them heard the dog and went up to them. Obviously drunk, she asked, “Hey,
I know this is going to sound weird, but can I play with your dog?” Froggy’s mom decided
to let her inside. When the woman walked in, she noticed a large aquarium in the living
room that housed Froggy’s pet lizard. Upon seeing the lizard, the woman decided to play
with it. While the woman played with the lizard and then, once they let him inside, their
dog, she said, “I was just bored at home and drank some vodka, then I heard your dog
and just wanted to play with some animals.” After playing with their pets for about twenty
minutes, the woman got out her cell phone and called her husband, saying, “Hey! Come
next door, they’ve got this really cool lizard!” A few minutes later, he showed
up and was pissed. He apologized to Froggy and her mom if his wife bothered them before
taking her home. He chastised her for being drunk and wandering around the neighbourhood.
Number 4 was submitted by MysticTulip Doopie
Three years ago, Doopie and her friends went to a Halloween party. Doopie was wearing a
fox costume while her friends dressed as various anime characters. While waiting on a bench
for Doopie’s mom to pick them up, a very drunk man came up from behind them and started
petting Doopie’s head. He whispered, “Good kitty, pretty kitty.” She jumped up and
yelled, “What the fuck?!” The man said, “Oh, sorry Garfield.” Doopie’s mom picked
them up shortly after.
Number 3 was submitted by Annihilator2021 Mimi
When she was fifteen, Mimi went to the new apartment of her sister and her fiancé to
help them unpack. As they were unpacking, Mimi’s soon-to-be sister-in-law asked if
she would mind if she drank around her. Mimi said it was fine. Once her friends arrived,
they began to play a drinking game called, “King and I.” By the third round, Mimi’s
future sister-in-law was very drunk. She picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom with
it. About an hour later, Mimi walked into the bathroom and found her future sister-in-law
in the bathtub, cuddling with the cat while repeating, “I’m cat woman.” Then she
climbed out of the bathtub, pulled out her makeup case, and put makeup on the cat. That
was when Mimi’s sister walked in. After seeing their cat in makeup, she fell to the
floor, laughing her ass off.
Number 2 was submitted by Motorgoat91 Spinalpalm
Spinalpalm took the bus home one day. He sat in the back, listening to music. A couple
stops later a drunk, middle-aged man stepped on. On the way to the back of the bus, he
noticed the drunk man almost falling a few times. Once he got to Spinalpalm’s row,
he sat as close to him as he could. At first, he ignored the man and tried to focus on his
music, but the man screamed for attention. Not wanting to be rude, Spinalpalm listened
to the man’s story. The man told him about his house, his wife, and the reason why he
was so drunk. He didn’t care about what the man was telling him, until he blurted
about how Spinalpalm was fat and said that it was because all kids nowadays just play
video games. The man went on to say that if he wanted to be in shape like him, then he
should go out and explore. He even suggested that he go down a ditch, find a fox or some
other animal, and then flay it with a pocketknife. Spinalpalm was angry yet baffled. As soon
as the man got off the bus, he just laughed.
Number 1 was submitted by CompletelyAbnormal Tolop
One time, Tolop was driving in her car when the car behind her started to swerve. The
car almost hit hers, so she pulled over. The other car followed her onto the shoulder.
A very drunk man climbed out and danced over to Tolop while she yelled at him. The drunk
man yelled, “I’m Superman!” He continued to drunkenly dance over to her. He went up
to Tolop, cornering her against the car. He asked, “Hey, how old are you? You look like
you’re in your mid-to-late fifties.” After that, Tolop called the police, who came and
arrested the man.
Huge thanks for the folks over on our Planet Dolan subreddit for submitting their stories.
We have another question for you: “What’s the scariest thing you experienced as a kid?”
Let us know in the reddit page linked below and you might be featured in a future countdown.