-I have zero interest in food.
If it were feasible, my diet would consist entirely
of flavorless beige smoothies, containing all the nutrients
required by the human animal.
Nutrition bricks.
I have original no flavor and whole wheat no flavor.
Almonds, nice choice. -I got you your
favorite breakfast, a plain bagel and a water.
-Don't try to soften me up.
Two coffees. Black for me, milk for you.
-You remembered how I like it. -Yes, with milk.
It's just one ingredient. -And you remembered it.
-Mm-hmm. -How are you feeling?
-Better today. I even managed to
eat some plain toast this morning.
-Smart. Something bland. -That's my favorite breakfast.
Okay, I guess I'll go in for, uh, the blazing blue raspberry
cooler extreme color code rad. -Pour your eggs
right into the pan, nice and slow. Oh!
-Okay, now what do I do?
Yes, I've been sitting in my office wallowing
in my hopelessness and eating the saddest food
known to mankind, ice cream.
-Oh, my God he's Bridget Jones-ing.
-Okay, well it's time to put that aside and pull out
whatever food you eat when you're happy.
-Dry beans? -Sure.
I've never seen you enjoy soda pop before.
-Hmm. -Have some now.
-[ Inhales ]
Ahh. It's delicious. -I don't buy it.
You're making the same face you made when you found
a chocolate chip in your trail mix.
-You drank a soda?
I'm not sure that's the worst thing in the world.
-It was the worst thing in the world.
Worse than a food-forward Riesling.
Do you know I love milk? -Mm, no.
-Well I do, but it hurts my stomach,
so I haven't had milk, a beverage I love, for 19 years.
19 milkless years I've gone.
Is there a reason you're interrupting me mid soup?
Nine onions? Oh, Amy.
I can't wait to eat your food.
Ugh. This is revolting.
-The radishes the put on the side for decoration?
-Mm. thank you. Cut into a flower, where are we, Las Vegas?
-We could meet for breakfast every day!
You could teach me over eggs. -Eggs for breakfast?
Further behind than I thought.
My pie, it wasn't even eaten, just thrown away
like common street trash.
The only wine they serve is from the Delaware water gap.
It's called Shar-bo-nay.
I'm just thinking about how this sea bass is cold.
But not as cold and cruel as the hands of fate
that have thrust my entire life into darkness.
-Cheese puff, sir? -No, thank you.
They're full of chemicals. -Well, yes, but everything's
made with chemicals if you really think about it.
-I suppose you're right. -I am?
-Let me try one. -Oh.
It imploded in my mouth. -That's the magic of the puff,
you don't have to chew. -Meat from the street
sounds like a fun treat. Hah.
I'm a poet and didn't even know I was rhyming those words.
But it happened anyway.
I feel like I'm floating on a croissant.
Marshed mallow.
[ Chuckles ] [ Chuckles grow into laughter ]
Bagel! Bagel! Bagel!
-Wait, where are my eggs? -In my belly.
You know what we should order? More meat.
Bring me a shar-bo-nay.
Tell me what I'm eating. -Fine.
It's a sharp from Mount Cabot.
Now, describe what you taste.
-Cheese. -And?
-Cheese. -Humus.
Thoughts? -I have no thoughts about humus.
I want a sandwich, I make a sandwich, I eat the sandwich.
Can I have another Sharb? To my dismay,
I actually learned something about how food tells a story.
So I made Kevin this. -It's warm.
-It's a croque monsieur. Kevin and I shared one
on a rainy afternoon in Paris on our first anniversary.
It's one of our most-treasured memories.
I'm sure it's not up to your standards,
but Kevin seemed to enjoy it.
So, thank you for your guidance.
-Gross huh? -No, it's perfect.
He's a natural chef!