these are the ground rules
I hook up with one guy a season usually
takes me a couple weeks to pick the guy
kind of my own spring training yeah well
you to it most promising prospects of
the season so far so I just thought we
should kind of get to know each other
sorry mom why do you get to choose what
why do you get to choose I mean why
don't I get to choose why doesn't he get
to choose
well actually nobody on this planet ever
really chooses each other I mean it's
all the question quantum physics
molecular attraction and timing are
there laws we don't understand the bring
us together and tear us apart
it's like pheromones you get three hours
together they can't do dick you get 300
million of them they can build a
cathedral so somebody's gonna go to bed
with somebody or what honey you are a
regular nuclear meltdown you better cool
off where are you going after 12 years
in the minor leagues I don't try out
besides uh I don't believe in quantum
physics when it comes to matters of the
heart what do you believe in that well I
believe in the soul the the
the small of a woman's back the hanging
curveball high-fiber good scotch
but the novels of Susan Sontag her
self-indulgent overrated crap I believe
Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone I believe
there ought to be a constitutional
amendment outlawing astroturf in the
designated hitter I believe in a sweet
spot softcore pornography open your
presents Christmas morning rather than
Christmas Eve and I believe in long slow
deep soft wet kisses that last three
days I'm not interested in a woman who's
interested in
bad boy good night are you calling boy
see if the yard meet nobody's ever said
no today with me before he's crazy
I want you bad