- Hi, I'm Tan France and this is Dressing Funny.
Each episode, I'm dressing
some of the funniest people on the planet.
- I don't love this person.
- Wanna watch me push that star game?
- Hey Tan, who you talking to?
Who the fuck are all these people?
- They're my crew.
- I thought we were just coming here just to be friends.
- Sorry, love, I always have a crew with me.
I should have explained first.
- It's okay.
- Yeah.
(upbeat music)
Ali Wong, isn't it hip?
- Where's the fireplace at?
Where's the white boyfriend?
Give me a fedora!
(Tan laughs)
I love it.
- Okay, so I wanna dress you.
- Yes.
- For a couple of reasons.
You are a mom,
you are a new movie star.
And so you're gonna have to dress a certain way
because it's for show. - It's true,
I don't normally look like this when I'm out with my kids.
'Cause they're gonna stain this.
There's spit, there's chocolate,
there's chocolate that comes out of the other end,
there's a lot of, yeah. - Yes,
not great tasting chocolate. - Yeah.
- So we're gonna make sure you're movie-style-mom ready
and then I also want to give you an option for the stage.
- To perform in? - Yeah.
- I'm so excited!
When I first started out doing comedy,
I used to dress like one of the little kids
from a Missy Elliot video.
- I like that.
- Because I wanted to look like a kid,
'cause I kind of wanted to desexualize myself.
- Oh. - But then as I got older
I was like, I don't feel like dressing like a kid,
'cause I'm not a fucking kid!
- Yeah (laughs) yeah.
- And then I had to be secure in my comedy
that people weren't gonna be distracted
- Yeah. - by me looking nice.
If it's for stage, I do show my underwear.
- And so ordinarily, it needs to be liftable.
- Yes.
- What you wore in the last special feels very powerful.
And I like that, so I want to get you a powerful look.
- Oh, good!
- But I want it to be even sexier.
- Okay, yes! - So I wanna see
where your head's at when you shop.
- Okay. - Nothing fancy.
- All right.
- You're just hanging out.
- This is so much fun, by the way.
(Tan laughs)
(camera clicking)
- Is there anything you're seeing in here
that you might wanna (clears throat) burn?
(both laughing)
- How do you feel about these?
- They're all right.
For women I love them,
men I just think eh, he looks like a douchebag.
Do you feel like you've got your style down?
- Yeah, I do, it's not always consistent.
- Yeah.
- But it always does feel me.
- Okay. - I'm not into that.
I do, I kinda like these.
- I like those prints a lot.
- What do you call it?
Co-ord! - Co-ord, co-ords.
- It's a co-ord.
I like to call it twinset, 'cause I'm 75.
I am interested to see how this one turns out.
- Me too.
- This one is too long for me.
- Oh, you and I have the same issue,
where everything has to get altered.
- Yes, yes, of course.
- Ugh!
- I have no issue with that.
I love having everything altered,
because then everything feels like it's super expensive
'cause it's custom fit to my body.
(camera clicking)
- I think that's it.
- Which one's you favorite of the bunch?
Actually, can I choose my favorite of the bunch.
- You choose your favorite.
- You like 'em all.
- I think I like them all.
- Well then, I'm gonna send you in
with the one that I would like you to try on.
How are we doing?
Are we decent, are we ready
to show the world? - We're ready.
Yeah.
- Wonderful, let's do this.
(upbeat music)
- I actually love it. - I know.
I think we might be done.
- Did we nail it on the first try?
- I think you might have it.
- And I, you didn't need my help!
- No alteration.
I love it.
- I love it, do you mind if I? - Do it.
Are you doing the front tuck?
You hit me with that tuck. - Woo!
- I knew that tuck was coming!
(Tan laughs)
- It's just a little something,
I want to do a-- - Oh my, oh!
I see!
- Do you see that?
Can I tell you why I do it?
We are vertically challenged.
So, right now,
I look like I've got relatively decently proportionate legs.
- Yes.
- If I have my T-shirt out, my legs look dumpy.
- Oh, that's true!
- If I just do a quick tucky like,
oh, his waist is high, he's got longer legs.
It makes me look taller and leaner.
Just a little bit. - This I can do by myself.
- Yeah, just an inch or so at the front.
Yeah, pull it out. - Like, poof a little?
- The outfit's killer. - Wow!
- And it's a cute mom outfit-- - It is!
- Without feeling mumsie.
- I can wear this with sneakers.
They could spill, there's pockets.
- Yeah, yeah.
So when you're on a red carpet, do you feel baller or no?
- I do rely on one thing, it's this.
- Show me.
(upbeat music)
Ali, Ali, Ali!
You smile?
You're one of the very few people who does.
- Yeah. - Okay, you've got that.
Let me tell you, let me tell you why.
- (laughs) I always, the hand on the hip.
I don't know what to do with my arms.
- Yeah, it's a hard one.
- It's so awkward.
And I still feel stiff,
but I don't feel like I look stiff.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
- But otherwise, it just feels
like you're sticking out your butt.
- Yeah, you know something, you're giving yourself angles.
- Yeah.
- My only concern is the smile.
You've got a beautiful smile.
My worry when I smile
is it shows stuff that I don't want it to show.
- Oh, oh, oh, right.
- So I do bitch instead.
- Well, that works for you
'cause everyone knows you're a nice person.
(both laughing)
- Kinda true.
- Yes!
- Actually, you're right.
I can get away with it because people know my personality.
- Also, that's like, still your male privilege.
- It is. - Coming through, right?
- You are absolutely right.
- Because you can still go bitch.
- Because nobody asks a man to smile more.
- Even though you're a gay man.
And then it's like, you're not a bitch, you're fierce.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah.
Okay, I love this, but I wanna do my version.
- Okay, great!
- So, next, I wanna do cool.
Because you want it to still look appropriate,
but you want to be able to play with your kids.
- Oh totes, because I wanna bend over--
- Bend over with you kids. - And not show my dirt star.
What?
- Dirt star?
- Mmhm, you've never heard dirt star?
- No, never.
Have you heard balloon knot?
- Hilarious.
- Yeah, it definitely is more like that.
- More accurate.
- Definitely more accurate, it's a balloon knot.
(Ali laughs)
I think it's a gay term.
- Wow.
- I know, you don't spend enough time
with the gays, I don't think.
- Oh I do, but some of them,
they all have kids now, that I do.
- That don't stop them.
(Ali laughs)
Plus we get even more vulgar after they've had kids.
Okay, so let me show you this, it's a dress.
- (gasps) How did I miss this?
- It's so good, right?
- It's so good!
- So it's oversized, it's interesting.
I'm gonna give you a sneaker to wear with it.
So this you can still, look it's stretch too,
so you can bend over, play with your kids--
- I love it.
- But you still look wicked.
Okay, wait, there is one other thing
I wanted you to try before that.
I want to actually see what that,
I forgot what Americans call it, overall?
Like what's the American-- - It's a jumpsuit.
- Jumpsuit. - Yeah.
- I would like to see that on you.
- Okay.
- Okay, do we have it on?
- We do have it on.
- Is it as ridiculous as I think it is?
- Well.
- Okay, this can't work for you, let me tell you why.
- Okay.
- 'Cause that clearly should be like there.
- And then I have camel toe now.
- Yeah, the Kardashians do the toe.
- They do? - They do.
I don't think it's a thing.
- Yeah, I can't keep up with them.
Oh!
- Do you know what vaginal rejuvenation is?
They make it look like, it looked before you had--
- You're 22, yeah.
- People, you're like, they know me from the show.
- They're like, vaginal rejuvenation, Tan France!
- Everyone in this industry.
- They were like, you do makeovers,
let me tell you about my makeover.
- Not, just let me tell you, let me show you this.
- Wow!
- I never saw a vagina before the show aired.
- Anyways, what about this jumpsuit?
(both laughing)
(camera clicking)
- All right, Mrs. Wong, what's our preference?
- I mean, you'll see. - Ooh.
- You ready? - Let's see.
- Tan.
Tan, I love this.
- Me too! - So much.
I'm going to an architecture convention!
I'm gonna give a speech
on how to design Japanese houses!
(Tan laughs)
Look at me!
This is amazing!
- It's so good.
- I wanna poach you from Queer Eye and just--
- I'm done with those gays.
- Can you please just live in my house?
- Yes.
- And can we do this everyday. - Everyday, everyday.
- It's loose, I can bend.
- You're not gonna show your--
- My dirt star.
- Dirt star. - My balloon tie.
- Yeah, balloon knot.
- Balloon knot.
I love it.
- I just don't love the shoes with it.
- Yes, okay.
- Let me get you a different shoe.
Could we try a metallic with it?
- Yes!
- That's even more Japanese architect at this point.
- Yes, who designs Comme des Garcons now, bitches!
(Tan laughs)
- You don't wear heels, no?
- No.
My first TV set I ever did was on the Tonight Show.
I didn't love it, I didn't feel like myself
'cause I was wearing heels and I never do standup in heels.
- I love the sneaker with it.
- I love it so much, it's shimmer.
- Can you runway for me?
(upbeat music)
- [Tan] Oh shit!
- Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, hey!
- [Tan] I thought you'd be shier than that!
(both laughing)
You walked right into it, I thought--
- I think you saw my nose hair.
(Tan laughs)
(camera clicking)
- I wanna put you in a skirt because I actually do know
that you do like to lift.
- Yes.
- But I want it to be powerful--
(Ali gasps)
and so I thought a little leather skirt could be lovely.
- Oh my goodness.
- And then you can decide which way you, hey-o!
- Oh my goodness!
- You're a mom now,
you've gotta do a classier version of an expo.
- Yes.
- So, pup-pup, it's a zipper version.
- Yeah, very like, Beyonce.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Da-na-na-na-na-na, partition, please.
- Yes, but then I have two choices of top.
If you do like a simple black.
- Oh my goodness.
- Which is gonna feel military style, it's gonna feel--
- ♪ I'm a survivor! ♪
- Yeah, or, let me give you that
and I've got another option.
(Ali squeals excitedly)
So it's up to you, either way I'm happy.
- All right.
(upbeat music)
- Okay.
On the whole I actually kind of love it.
Let me change the shoe, the shoe's killing it.
We're gonna put that shoe on instead.
- (gasps) Look at that!
- I know. - Look at that!
- I know, believe I know.
- Dip my foot in some cotton candy if you don't mind me.
- Isn't it so cute?
I love it so much. - Oh my god.
- So my question is, Ali Wong--
- Yes, I will marry you.
(Tan laughs)
Yes, I will co-own your closet (mumbles)
- Could this be a stage look for you?
- Yeah.
- Potentially.
If I saw you on stage looking like this
I'd wanna fuh the life out of that.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, I would.
- No rejuvenation needed?
- No. - Oh.
- No matter what sex, if I'm looking at the person on stage
and I'm like, fuck, yeah, it means we've nailed it.
I'm not gonna go into this too far,
I'm just gonna do a tiny little bit.
See a little bit of sexy, just--
- Yes! - Yes! (laughs)
- Mm.
What's that birth mark?
(Tan laughs)
Oh, where is my birthmark?
Oh, there it is, hey!
Wow, I love it.
- You look like a rich bitch, too!
- Ask me to donate to the private school!
Ask me!
- Okay, can I have one more model walk?
- Yes!
- Or, you do not actually even need to model,
you walk however the fuck you want with this.
(upbeat music)
Yeah, yeah!
(upbeat music)
You've been to one too many Beyonce concerts.
Yes!
(camera clicking)
I think we killed it.
- You killed it.
I feel like you really pushed me
to somewhere I would never go by myself.
- Okay good, I'm so glad you let me do this.
- Yeah. - Did you enjoy it?
- I had the best time.
- Good.
Thank you so much for watching
this episode of Dressing Funny.
I hope you loved her outfits as much as I did.
Be sure to subscribe and let me know:
which comedian do you wanna see me dress next?
- Hey, I'm just gonna take--
- Oh, are you?
- Bye guys, this has been so much fun.
Thank you, Tan!
- Oh, are you keeping the outfit as well?
- Yes.
- It was a loaner.
- Yes, bye, I love you!
So kind of you to offer it to me.
- It's worth like $3000.
Are you gonna pay for that?
I can't pay for that.
Is somebody gonna pay for that?
(upbeat music)