First of all--
Yes, sir.
We've known each other a long time, and--
We have.
Is it Helen, or Ellen?
Ellen.
It's Ellen with an E. I told someone I just set that out
there.
Ellen, we go back.
I wanted to tell the crowd first of all,
because they probably want to hear about your birthday party.
Everyone's been buzzing about it.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
She had a big rager.
I got a fallout invite, which was great.
I went down there.
I had a show that night in Irvine.
You did?
Did my hour show, went up all the way.
Great guy syndrome.
I don't know how I do it, but I got there.
And it was-- first of all, I didn't know there was a cover
charge, but that was fine.
You know what, because I saw inside
there were so much stuff, and I get it now.
50 seemed high, but $50, that's nothing to me.
It's like $45.
So paid that, that was fine.
Went in-- oh, the celebs, Ellen Louise.
It was-- is that your middle name?
Oh.
Ellen, I went in there, and they were really
packed in there like sardines.
They were everywhere.
I saw-- and I bother all of them, as you know.
Did you?
Oh yeah.
I really get in their grill.
And I never have anything to say, it's a real nonversation.
I walk right up and I just start "vavavavava."
They don't know what's going on.
I saw Aniston was talking to Kris Jenner right away.
And the funny thing about Kris Jenner was Kim
was close by, and--
Kardashian-- and she was--
I think she was winding down, Kris Jenner
didn't want to leave.
And I was thinking, what if my mom was at my same party
when I was a kid?
It would be so crazy.
Because Kim was like, let's go.
And she's like, 10 more minutes.
She's like, mom.
She's like, wait in the car then.
She's like, ugh.
So, that's me, I always had to wait in the car.
So I go in.
I did see Adele, who I talked about on this show.
She was lovely, of course.
Too many people to mention.
I caught myself.
Remember there's some music toward the end?
Yes, I did.
And a bit of a hodgepodge.
It was like Reese got up, and all these great singers there--
Pink and Melissa Etheridge.
So I was looking to watch, and there
was one of your rapper buddies, and then
there was Jennifer Lawrence.
It was French Montana.
Yeah, yeah.
So I go hey, like I was trying to look,
and then he whipped out some medical marijuana
and a big rolled up doobie of it.
Oh.
And so--
Now you're talking about Diddy.
Oh yeah.
He took a hit.
You know I know all the lingo-- he took a pop off it.
[LAUGHS]
And then I was in the middle, and then he looks at me like,
huh?
And I go, yeah.
Because I don't want to be like a narc, you know.
Like I want to--
so I go, hey, man, pass it over.
So I get it, and then of course I'm like--
[INHALING SOUND]
[LAUGHTER]
I take the biggest hit, and I cough maybe 40 minutes,
like classic, stupid, corny, shouldn't even be in a movie.
Now I'm like [HUFFS] and then I give it back,
and I go, hey, good batch, or whatever.
I don't know what to say.
I try to be cool.
I go, is that Hawaiian?
[LAUGHTER]
Is that Vietnamese purple-haired northslope hash?
That's the last I had in high school,
so I threw that in there, it didn't ring a bell.
And then I was like this-- everything's cool for a second,
and then--
[BLOWING]
--like, it hit me.
Oh boy, it was like--
you know in those nuclear movies where
it's like flattens everything?
That's half the [INAUDIBLE] my brain just went down.
And I was like,
(SINGING) hello darkness, my old friend.
(TALKING) Oh, they changed the song.
Oh no, they didn't.
And then I was starting this space out a bit,
you know, because I was sort of in a half coma.
And things are moving, it was a bit of the matrix.
So I go, hey, I gotta take off.
And so I was like--
[WHIRLING SOUND]
--and then I see Oprah, and then I go, I should talk to Oprah.
This is the new guy.
Now I don't care.
I was nervous before, and I was like--
[PURRING SOUND]
--like feline, and then the little embers
in my brain that were still alive go, nope, abort, abort.
I went "szhoop" last second like Waze, "Get off here."
[LAUGHTER]
And so she's like this, "Hel-oh."
[LAUGHTER]
This weekend, I went through, and I just didn't really
bother anyone else.
I think DeCaprio got away with a fist bump, and the rest of them
were now is just a little like hexagonal at this point,
like a kaleidoscope.
I was going to the exit, like, just get me out of here.
So I get in the elevator, and there was--
which is lit like Ralph's.
It's so bright, you know what I mean?
It's like the produce section.
Like gizmo, I'm like, "Eign!"
And then, ding, get out, go to my car, slide in.
My driver goes, you OK?
I go, absolutely not.
And I think I got home, do not remember going home.
And I'm still in the same outfit.
Well--
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
I saw you, but we didn't talk.
We didn't talk.
No.
I did see you.
In fairness, I thought you were Justin Bieber
for the first half hour, but and it's
only because of your haircut.
Not where you look right.
But-- you know, when you're the belle of the ball,
this is the main attraction.
So I feel like even some of these celeb types,
I know I don't want to bug, because everyone's talking.
So you don't want to--
I don't want to cut in on you and Bradley
Cooper, or something, you know.
Hey, can I steal her?
So I just--
Like the Bachelor.
Yeah.
Can I get five minutes?
So I just left you alone, but it never sort of swung around.
But it was just so fun, because I see people I never see.
Yeah.
I never have-- I really only have a party rarely,
not even every year for my birthday.
And that was kind of the party to end all parties.
But I saw you over by the bar, and I was going to make my way
to you, and I couldn't.
There's nothing to say.
I mean, I was out of it.
And I was already drunk, because it was night time.
So I already came in a little hot.
A lot of people did.
Yeah.
A lot of people were hurting the next morning.
I didn't get to that photo station, because I--
Oh, you didn't.
Well--
The photo booth was so fun.
Everybody took advantage of that.
Everyone crushed it.
I think Olivia Munn just waited for anyone to show up.
Olivia Munn put herself in.
She got in a lot of them.
It's a little bit of a flat Stanley situation.
She was like, one with Olivia!
And they were great, but everyone is very nice there.
It's the people you don't see.
It's like the Oscars, that you just see people that you never
see in real life.
And what a blast, though.
It was great.
We have to take a break, and I want
to talk about-- we have really known each other a long time.
We have things to talk about.
Mhm, 100%.
Maybe.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel
so you can see more awesome videos.
Like videos of me getting scared, or saying
embarrassing things, like "ball peen hammer."
And also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities,
if you're into that sort of thing.
[YELPS]
[BEEPING]
God [BEEPING]