So you've got kids? You've got kids too?
I've got three. Three boys. Yeah, I've got three boys, as well.
Whenever they tell me something they're going to do
that I think is going to draw attention to them
in a bad way I start really shitting myself about their day at school,
do you know what I mean? Mmm.
They'll have, like, a non-uniform day
and my son will dress up as a unicorn
and then I spend the whole day worried that some of the tough kids
in school are going to beat up the unicorn.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And do they?
No, they didn't. It was actually all right.
The horn actually provides quite useful weaponry.
My eldest son's got special needs.
In fact, I think they've all got special needs.
I've got a zoo of...you know.
I think with special-needs kids, you are in a slightly different zone
so my problem is always that I mustn't laugh.
So Olly's getting suspended all the time.
Every week. Examples of suspensions.
So I get this form... I mustn't laugh about it, cos it is serious
and I understand the school need to have some element of control,
but I get this form and it says,
"Reason for exclusion - calling the teacher a lard-head."
OK. And we had to go and have a meeting.
There's this thing at the moment where they're trying to
include the parents with suggestions.
So they said, "We're looking for a reward for Olly if he does well."
I said, "He wants to be a fireman and he loves water and hoses,
"so why don't you let him water the vegetables in the vegetable patch?"
And they said, "Great idea." Yeah.
It wasn't. It was a terrible, terrible idea
cos he got hold of the hose and then he just wouldn't let it go.
People go, "That's five minutes, that's enough" and he goes, "No."
He soaks the teacher trying to get the hose off him.
So then they bring out another teacher.
They bring out another teacher, a dry teacher?
"We need a dry teacher for this situation immediately."
They keep providing dry teachers... Right.
..and he keeps drenching them.
If anyone gets near the tap, they get totally done.
And how many teachers in did it occur to them that he
might do this to every teacher they bring out?
By this stage, the kids are looking out of the classroom windows
and Olly's a hero.
Socially, that's incredible. Socially, it's a win.
He's finding it difficult to make friends. He doesn't talk that well.
This is a great way of saying, "Hey, I'm fun to be around."
I'm now 47 and I've been having shit gigs since I was 18.
What was your first telly appearance?
My first telly appearance was I was on Alas Smith & Jones
and I had two sketches.
One of which,
You started the sketch on a couple rolling around on the bed semi-nude.
Yeah. I was, no words. That was me.
And then the other sketch, it started... It was also a bed scene.
It started on Mel in bed wearing pyjamas saying,
"I'm terrible sorry, love, this has never happened to me before.
"It must have been the drink."
And then they panned over to me covered in vomit.
That's good. Yeah.
They used cold Campbell's vegetable soup and I was allergic to it.
So I was lying in the bed,
this negligee stuck to my nipples with pieces of cold carrot cubes.
Sweet. Again, I didn't say anything, but in a way I sort of...
Obviously I'm glad about feminism and all the rest of it,
but one of the things that has changed is
when I started in the industry you literally could
put on a lipstick and you didn't have to say anything.
And no-one noticed that was all you were for.
It's like a downside of feminism. A downside of feminism.
You were supposed to actually say something funny.
It's like, "Damn, feminism, damn!"
It was an excuse before to buy nice clothes whereas now it's like,
"You know, they don't care about your clothes, sweetheart.
"They just want you to use up here."
You spent a lot of time in America. Some time in America. How was that?
The last Veep I did, my husband had just left me
for a member of the Russian Yoga Federation.
No word of a lie.
There's a lot to unpack there.
First of all, I didn't know that Russia had a yoga federation. Yeah.
I didn't know the yoga required a federation. Had a federation.
Her Facebook photo... I probably shouldn't say any of this.
Anyway, I've gone here now.
Her Facebook photo didn't include her face.
It was her in an upside down pose.
I shouldn't include any of this. Let's not talk about it.
So when I over-disclosed...
..details of my own romantic life,
whereas in the UK everybody had a furrowed brow... Yeah.
..in the States, everyone just pissed themselves laughing. Right.
Like rolled on the floor crying, laughing,
banging tables at my misfortune.
And you liked that? Yeah, I did, actually.
There is something about them just laughing without checking,
that is kind of freeing. Right, yeah.
So they're not being cautious around you.
This is just how they feel about it.
Let's do it again. You tell me the thing.
So, yeah, I was working in the States,
shortly after my husband... had, er, left me.
THEY LAUGH