Boom
That is how you do a title screen for all you hacks out there
I mean that is something you can go to sleep
the music is soothing
the picture, he's a cute guy
In this game you play as...
A ice cream truck man
and the point of the game is to get all the ice cream
to the little kids
before the day's over.
Oh wait, no this is that game where you play as a horrifying clown
called Sweet Tooth
with an obsession of killing his own daughter.
"Hey honey, daddy's got a little treat for ya!"
It's been like 15 years
since they came out with Twisted Metal Black for PS2,
that was the last time we ever seen Twisted Metal,
and there was some PSP thing i'm sure, but
Uhh
You know we're back in full force here,
every building is destructible.
That's what I like
you know, except for that one.
For whatever reason
the wheel guy is, you have to buy them DLC's
so I'll just kill him
cuz I hate him.
Oh look at this guy.
The funnest part is where you shake the control
and you smack into 'em and murder 'em.
You got all kinds of vehicles,
you got the helicopter,
the towtruck,
you got that little motorcycle that get buttfucked by everyone.
No expense was spared to keep the bosses
from being as goddamn ridiculous as humanly possible
Oh, I'm gonna die, I just gotta...
ughh..
who wins?
Oh me of course,
like I could've told you that.
C'mon
Uh oh...
Oh we should've never killed the other one.
He's got a plow?!
The bosses in this game are ridiculous,
This guy's got a plow,
You have to drive under him and plant C4 and he's got a plo-
The premise of the game is that
if you win the Twisted Metal Tournament,
you get one wish granted to you
by this crazy magician Calypso,
but he always screws you over,
like "I wanna be the best, Calypso"
"Oh you wanna BE the best?"
"Ohoho" and then he turns you into a bumblebee
The last boss, I can't make this up,
the last boss is a giant ice cream truck
you drive under him
and there's a big giant robot clown head
with flamethrower breath.
Uhh, you blow him up
and as you know you have to drive in his mouth
of course that take you up to the, uh
pinball machine,
you might've guessed.
You hit the target,
that brings up the cannon
that shoots out the clown with the bomb,
watch out for the clowns with chainsaws.
You gotta drive bomb clown into the clown's face.
You blow him up,
go into his mouth,
and then,
and then this is where it gets real fun.
Now it gets pretty simple,
uhh you just gotta dodge
the giant rolling sea mines,
watch out for the rotating fan,
get the nitro boost,
get past the giant razor saws,
don't get trapped in them, like I do,
watch out for the, uhh, fire geysers,
th-those'll kill you
get that health
and then
and then watch out for these things
these things suck.
Oh, you remember the pinball level.
Ok..yeah..ok...
Son of a bitch
Okay, one more try one more try here we go here we go.
Son of a bitch
You guys remember the pinball level.
Alright let's go go go...
Ohh right through the things!
That's what I'm talking about,
the master is back in the house
get past this - another set of fans
And
God, there's sea mines everywhere
and I keep getting stuck and they're so fast
I'm gonna die,
I just gotta get past this thing!
*sigh*
Oh now the hard part...
Okay, now we gotta fight this giant clown,
robot guy head,
shoot his little robo-ice cream minions outta the air,
restart the engines,
that happens every two seconds,
Now you just pull out your giant uhh
magnet,
and start going up in the air,
it takes about an hour
Dodge the missiles and the flamethrower,
and then all you gotta do is just
drop this into the top of his robo-head
in this little tiny hole
and it's super impossi-
They have made getting health fun.
You have to jump off of a moving truck
Or when the driver dies just fuckin run 'em over and kill 'em.
Let's bring the pain online now you guys, c'mon
you know me, I'm damn good
But I don't got much time
We gotta do a quickmatch here
and let's go
Damn it
C'mon... C'mon
These are harder than the easy computers I was against-
I'm suck
Hey I was the best guy on my team!
Honestly, this is the best shooting online thing
in the last fifty years.
It's so
It's like
There's this cat and mouse dynamic
the guy with all the power ups chases the guy around with no power ups
and
it's so fast
and it rewards you for being ridiculous and crazy
pulling off crazy stunts
drivin around backwards
and shooting people with power ups
I mean, it's awesome.
It's a big change of pace from what we become used to.
This is a good game
I'm gonna have to go ahead and
give it the Oscar,
for best medal
best... even better than Medal of Honor.