Hey, guys. So, for today's video, I don't even know what the hell I'm doing-I'm gonna be honest.
But I know one thing: I made myself a COCKTAIL for this one!
I have been really wanting to get this, ah! I can't even look at it without getting excited.
Like I look at it in the viewfinder, I'm like, ahh, it's just, it's everything I dreamed of!
Um, can we please just take a moment for the fact that I have an actual champagne bottle covered in glitter?
This is champagne poppin'. Like this is actual champagne goals. I will never open this, ever,
and if someone ever came into my home, on my turf, and opened this bottle...they would get shanked.
So, yeah, I just wanted ta...get here on camera and talk to you guys. Um, I had so many people tell me recently, you know
like, friends and some family members, tell me like, "Just get on camera, do a makeup tutorial, just get back to life, it's fine,
you don't owe anyone an explanation, you don't need to explain to anybody what happened." Sorry, I'm trying to fix my hair
this is, it's very hard to get used to these extensions, I swear.
I feel like the majority of people in my life, they don't really get the connection that I have with you guys
and how I feel towards you. My mom gets it-my mom absolutely gets it-she's been with me since the beginning. My mom is my ride-or-die homie
Um, but other than that, not a lot of people in my life really understand-other than my mom and Jon, what Youtube is to me,
and what you guys are to me. I love you so much and... I'm so thankful for you, and you have absolutely no idea how
grateful and appreciative Jon and I are for all of the well-wishes, and the prayers, and the
positive comments and vibes, and just the wonderful things you guys have, said on
social media. Just the out-pour of love, I never in a million years expected that, and I'm so ridiculously Fricken' thankful for
you guys. Which is why I'm here on camera talking to you, cause I kinda just wanna talk to you about what's been
going on in our lives. So, it's been crazy. Um, I'm kind of like prolonging what I wanna talk about,
I'm kind of just like dancing around the subject, let me take another sip.
Cause I really don't want to have to go into detail, I'm not gonna go into a bunch of details, but I am gonna
talk to you guys about what's been going on, cause I know there's so many of you out there that are wondering
what the hell is going in me and Jon's lives, and I know a lot of you know what happened, so I'm just gonna go ahead and cut to the chase.
Three weeks ago from today, it was a Sunday morning, and my husband Jon had a seizure.
We were laying in bed and we had plans that day for my family and my nieces like to come over and go swimming
at our pool, and so we were kinda just like laying there talking about that-just kinda shootin' the breeze-like what you do
on a Sunday morning as husband and wife, right? So we were just kinda laying in bed talking, he had been awake
for maybe 5 or 10 minutes, and all of the sudden, he started making a very strange noise
and I thought that he was cold. We set the air very cold at night, we like to sleep in the freezing cold because we
like to bundle up and cuddle up in the covers, and sleep like buried in our blankets, I know lot of people relate to that,
but we make it cold. So like recently, like we keep getting lower and lower and lower. We got married and we set it
at like 71, then it was like 70, then it was 69, and Jon was like, "er", and I was like, "enough", and then we put it
at 68 and now we're at like 65, it's ridiculous, it's like igloo status in our house. But in the morning, I wake up and I love it,
cause I'm a hot sleeper, I wake up and I'm like, "it feels so good" and Jon always wakes up freezing. So he started
making this noise where he was like, "hrrrrr", like making like a, like a shivering noise, and I thought that he was
just complaining that he was cold, and I was like, "Are you cold?", and all of the sudden, I was like, "What are you doing?!"
And he was just.....seizing, he was just full on...oh my God. He was just, he was convulsing, he was having a full on seizure,
and I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I was in no way prepared, obviously, for that moment.
I've never seen a seizure in my life, I've been fortunate enough to never witness that like anywhere, from someone I know,
or a stranger, I've never seen a seizure. I called 911 immediately, and I'm on the phone screaming, I don't even remember
what I said, I-I literally just like gave them my address and I threw the phone across the room cause I was
just like panicked, and they called me back-like immediately-obviously like they had my number like from
when I called and I hung up on them, I was so panicked. And they called me back and they were like, you know, "Um hi, this is, you know, 911
take a deep breath, I need you to put your hand on his chest, I need you to tell me every time he breathes in."
So, I started like telling them like, "he's breathing in now, he's breathing in now." They're like, "Alright, his breathing has stabilized,
the paramedics are gonna be there within 4 minutes." I was like, "thank God", and so the paramedics showed
up, he had stopped. When Jon came to, because, I didn't know this, but you know the past three weeks, I've learned a lot about seizures
and, when you have a seizure, you black out. So he was just gone, like he had no idea what happened, and like all the sudden he
like came to, and he was just like, "Whoa! What happened? My breathing was just really weird, right?"
And I was just like, "Whaaat?!" I've never felt my heart, do this in my life. My heart was probably at 200 beats per minute.
I was just...flipping out, and I was like, "Whaaat?!", and he's like, "Did I fall asleep?". And like I wish that I could have kept calm
for him, but that, like, nope, that was not gonna happen in that moment. And the thing that was worse-like the worst
part about all of it, for me, was the look in his eyes, because as he was seizing, his eyes were open.
And like they say that some people's eyes are shut, some people's eyes are open. His eyes were completely open, and just
staring at the ceiling, and he just had so much fear in his eyes, and like it didn't look like my husband.
It just looked like something had taken over his body and it wasn't him, and Jon is not a fearful person at all.
Like I have fears, like, "oh, I'm afraid to fly, I'm afraid to get too deep into the ocean", but he doesn't have fears really.
And so just to see that look in his eyes, of just fear, made me feel so much sadness for him, and it was just
...that's the thing that's like the most traumatic for me, is the look in his eyes I had to see. That's been the hardest thing for me
to overcome, because I just felt so sad for him, and like, uh. I just, I really thought that he was gonna die, and I know
to people out there who like your loved ones have seizures, or you have seizures, you're probably thinking
like, "Girl, you're fine, like, it happens", but for the person watching their loved one have a seizure for the first time,
it is absolutely traumatizing, and I don't think anyone can discredit that.
It was just, it was horrifying. He had a CAT scan while he was there in the hospital, and the doctor came in and
said the CAT scan was spotless. I broke down, I cried like a baby. Jon was so relieved. I kept telling Jon like,
"No matter what happens, like we're going to get through this. It does not matter, what they find in anything,
like, life is gonna go on, and we're gonna get through this". Like, I was trying so hard to be strong, but deep inside, I
was just like, uh, scared little girl who just wanted her mommy. Um, at this point, he had, he went to a specialist,
he had an MRI, an EEG, and a QEEG-a couple of different things-several different things,
and everything has come back totally normal, totally spotless. Huh, so thankful, like, you have no idea, so thankful.
People have seizures all the time, apparently, that they have no reason for them, like the doctors have absolutely
no idea, they're like, "Oh, it could be the caffeine, it could be dehydration, it could be this, it could be that, we have no idea."
So at this point, it's kinda just a waiting game. There's people out there who have had a seizure, and then they
have, they don't have another one for a year, and then they have another one a year later, and they have another
one a year after that, and there's absolutely no reason why. There's always a possibility that it could happen again
and it could change our lives and rock our worlds forever. If that does happen, it happens, like we'll get through
it, but, this whole thing has completely and totally put things into perspective for the both of us.
After that happened, we just decided to take a step back from social media, and just really embrace each other
and our loved ones, because you know. It was-it was a wake up call, to say the absolute least.
Like, I remember, I was in the hospital, and we had been there at this point for like 8 or 9 hours,
and I got on my phone, and I was like, at this point Jon wasn't even in the room, they were doing testings on him, and
I was talking to my mom, my sister, so on and so forth. It was taking them a while, and I like opened up my phone, and
I opened up my Instagram, and the first thing I saw was some shitty comment from someone.
Just about something random and stupid, I don't even remember, just something about me
probably being fake, or money-hungry, or whatever it may be, just something, and when I saw
it, I was like, "I cannot believe that I had even allowed these types of comments to affect me in any way.
I am so pathetic." Like I just in that moment felt like, I cannot believe what a little bitch I have been, and
ever since then, I have had a completely different look at what people have to say about me, who don't personally
know me. When I say know me, like know me, because I am definitely someone who when you meet me,
the first time, you're gonna get like the outer shell. You know, I'm a cancer, and we're the crab, so when you meet me,
you're gonna get my hard outer shell, but inside I'm very soft crab meat, and you know, if you don't truly know me
for who I am, if you don't know my heart and soul, then I really do not give a damn what you have to say about me.
And that is something that I feel like I have gotten back. I just feel like I have to tell you guys, as my subscribers,
that I am truly, from the depths of my soul, embarrassed, and sorry for ever just
letting the hate get me down, change who I am, change the way I may act at times. Like it is so embarrassing.
The girl who first decided to turn on the camera and start Youtube videos in the first place, is not the same girl
that I have been the past couple of months, maybe even the past year or two. I have allowed negative people
to get into my soul, and get into my mind, and get into my heart, and get into my life, and change me in ways.
And that is only my fault, that is not the negative people's fault, I take full responsibility for that. I just feel like I've
lost myself, at times, on camera, and on social media, and I get so caught in the things that people say about me, and it hurts
me so much because I'm so obsessed with people knowing that I'm not all these horrible things, and I'm not a liar,
I've never lied, and I'm always like, "If only they knew the truth!" The past couple of weeks, my mindset has just
completely flip-flopped, and I haven't cared what negative people have to say, but at the same time, when I see
people being nasty to me on social media, I have no problem standing up for myself, because that's the thing is
that's the Jaclyn that I've always been my whole life. If someone mouths off to me, or my friends, or my family,
like, I'm gonna stand up for myself, I have the right. I don't wanna be nasty, I'm not a nasty person, but like
I can always defend myself. But at the same time, like I am so sorry and saddened in the fact that
I ever let these people get into my head because everything that has happened in the past couple of weeks
has just put all that into perspective. The fact that my husband is alive right now, and my family is alive, my nieces, my nephews,
they're all healthy, like I'm so blessed beyond reason. I am choosing happiness, and I'm saying, "Yes" to my happiness,
and to my freedom, and to my mental freedom, and I'm gonna be me.And if that means me doing 17 warm smokey eyes
back to back to back, then that's what I'm gonna do! Cause I don't actually care about views and pleasing
the negative Nancy's. I care about: makeup, and living life, and having fun, and enjoying my passion, and being free
and young, and spending time with my family and my friends, and making you guys laugh and smile, and making you feel
a piece of just happiness and freedom. Like that is what I care about, and that's what I'm gonna get back to.
Out with the old, in with the new. And that's why I wanted to dye my hair, and change my hair because I
just felt like everyday after Jon's seizure, like, I couldn't control what was going on, I couldn't
control what was happening, but there was change, like our entire life, there was change in us, and in our world, in our
future-just everything-changed, and I was sick of looking at myself in the mirror. I thought I looked just so cheap.
I was like, "I'm done with this look!". I texted my hairdresser, and I was like, "Help a sister out, can we go dark? Can we go long?
"Like let's get a pop in it!" So yes, this is not clip-in extensions, I'm gonna move the conversation along.
This is not clip-in extensions, these are actually tape-in extensions. You might not be able to see that, because
my hair is really dark, but they're like big, fat extensions and they're taped right at the root of the hair.
My natural hair is so oily right now, you guys. So, this video is probably 45 minutes at this point, but I do just
wanna really quickly show you this because honestly I was so excited! Oh my God! You probably expected this from me, honestly.
But this is the Mariah Carey matte collection, I'm sorry, I just have to, I have to pull up a song really quick,
just bare with me, alright? ...*music*... You don't understand, when I was like 13 years old,
I was so obsessed with this song, I sang it at my recital! I used to take voice lessons. I sang this at. my. recital!
Get ready, Mariah's about to bring it home! You don't even know. ...*music*...
Aahhhh!!! Beast! That's like my favorite Mariah Carey song of all time. Now let's get real,
my favorite current day Mariah song ...*music*... And no, it's not because I think the world is obsessed with me.
So, this collection... Now that they are all into like sending out P.R. stuff that they never, they never have been in the past,
but like the past 3 or 4 months, all the sudden MAC has just been like sending like everything and I'm like, "Ookay"
I'm like, "Wait a second, my gratis wasn't this good. Like this is freakin' bomb. Did you give this to your employees, doe?
Cause like, Oh my God!" This is amazing! It came in this beautiful package. When I opened it up I was like, "Hiii"
There she is, just, there, there, there she is. There she is, just she's just. She's right there. And can we just take a
moment to look at this presentation? I mean, I'm gonna be honest, when it came, it looked much prettier, but I
immediately pulled everything out and started shoving it up my butt hole because I was so excited.
There's two eye shadow palettes. Can we talk about the glitter on the edges of this eye shadow palette? Whaaat?!!
Yes, MAC, come through, but look at these gems. The whole box is full of these gems, like I just wanna put my
entire body in this. Like can I get like a full size pool of these gems so I could just be like, "You're delusional, you're delusional."
This right here, I-I like crapped my pants, I'm gonna be honest. I mean, I don't wanna say I'm gonna be honest, I didn't
actually crap my pants. Just so you know, those of you who take things literal. I wasn't actually like crapping myself,
but almost. This highlighter right here, called "My MiMi", "My MiMi", in case you didn't catch that, and it's in
extra dimension skin finish which is my, which is my act-, God, I'm talking so fast, which is my actual favorite
formula in MAC highlights, it's so beautiful. And look at her face, just casual, "Oh, okay, let me just throw my face on a highlighter."
Now for my skin tone, I could not use this as a highlight, because it definitely like when it would reflect it would look like muddy
as you can see right there. But I can out this on the apples of my cheeks, and it can give that beautiful golden glow.
If you are more chocolatey in skin tone, girl, don't sleep on this. Beautiful blush. This is called, "Sweet, Sweet Fantasy"
...*music*... I'm sorry, you guys. My hands, it's a spray tan gone bad, what's new? Let's get real.
But it's a really pretty kinda like rosy petaly pink, and it's a matte which I love. Because I really like matte blushes more than
anything, and then they gave us some of their good old little liquid liner, as always. I feel like this comes in every collection.
But it's cute cause it's in like a gold packaging with her little signature on it. You guys, the lipstick. First of all, the colors
bomb, but the packaging though, like what is this? Hi, how are you? Like what is this, like pure glitter? This is
the frosty one, which I'm not gonna lie, doesn't excite me that much. This is in the shade, "All I Want". But this one is in the shade, "Mcizzle"
Oh. My. God. All of her lipsticks have a butterfly engraved on them. So gorgeous, so Mariah. And then her
signature is right there. So pretty. And then the last lipstick is this one right here, which is a really, really pale nude, which
I, of course, am absolutely obsessed with, and this is in the shade, "Bit Of Bubbly". So pretty, like this is the prettiest collection
that MAC has ever done. They did a body powder with a little poof, oh it's got a little, uh! Stop, amazing!
This is called, "Touch My Body loose powder". This reminds me of the powders Victoria's Secret used to sell.
Do you remember those with the huge poofs? Oh my God, girl, I was obsessed every single day.
I would literally just walk to the bathroom, like 11 years old, wash my face, and grab that poof, and be like...
Literally, like full body highlighter challenge. And then for the lip glosses, there are 3 gorgeous shades.
There's like a really, really light pink-vanilla shade, and then there's like a medium peachy-pink shade, and then
there's like a darker golden-amber shade, which I think is so awesome because it's gonna fit 3 different skin tones
from light, medium, and dark, which is really smart. So, Mariah and her team, they did a bomb job. And they
came out with lashes, as well, which I just, I love the packaging, the fact that it has her signature. Can we just say though,
I'm gonna be honest, even though I love Mariah Carey, I love her music, I always have, I can't help it, every time
I think of Mariah Carey, I think of Eminem, and the fact that she dissed him, and I'm like..... because at the end of the day,
she might be queen, but Eminem is my motha******* king. I just wanted to share that with you because I think that is amazing,
and I never wanna like brag like, "look at what I got in P.R." But like, I remember what it was like being a MAC girl
for all those years, and we did not get gratis like that. That is some boozey, over the top, chiznit, that I am very thankful for.
Um, but yeah, that's it. I also got this awesome Kylie package which I was really excited about as well, um for the holidays,
right here. I thought this was really cool. Like this stocking, I mean I'm not gonna hang this up, just being real,
I'm not gonna hang this up. I'm gonna give it to someone who will actually really aprreciate it. Um, but this
whole thing has like diamonds in it, or something. I don't know, something very extra like that. But, amazing. And I
just honestly think that- just think that Kylie Cosmetics in general has gotten so much more lux recently.
The formulas have gotten so good. I mean I really genuinely love the eye shadows, and the matte lips-I've been
really liking them. Some of her darker colors, um, can definitely be kind of patchy, I've noticed. They're not all consistent,
but in general, like she has stepped up. And I had faith in her from the beginning. If you guys follow me on Snapchat,
and if you remember when her line first launched, I told you I did not like her liquid lips. But I said like, you know
and I still stand by it, most people when they launch a brand, they spend a couple thousand dollars and they launch a brand
and they hope for the best. And their initial order is, you know, five hundred units of each thing in their initial P.O. and Kylie Jenner
probably ordered five hundred thousand of each color, and it sold out in minutes, and the whole world is breathing
down her neck. And it's like she didn't even have time, she didn't have room for improvement. It's like the whole
world was waiting like on their computers 10 minutes before it went live. And not most people have to deal with that
kind of pressure. So, I feel like everyone deserves that period to kinda get their shit together, and I feel like Kylie Cosmetics
has gotten it together. And I feel like the products that come out are really nice, like her cream shadows
are nice, her liner is nice. Like her gel liner, I really like it. Her eye shadows are nice. Her matte lipsticks have improved
big time. Like I really, I really do like the brand, and I love the packaging. So, I think it's come a really long way.
But, yeah, anyways. This video is all over the place, I know you guys, I know. Anyways, I hope that you guys
maybe enjoyed hanging out with me a little bit tonight. I've really missed you, and I enjoyed sitting here and talking
to you, truly. So, I love you guys so much, and thank you for watching this hot-ass mess video, and I will see you
guys soon with a makeup tutorial that I am very excited to film actually because I've had this makeup tutorial in mind
for a long, long, long, loong time, and I'm really excited to actually do it cause it's very me, and I wanna do it because
I wanna do it. I haven't actually done it on myself yet, I'm gonna do it on camera, and I'm really, really excited to see it.
I love you guys. Thank you so much for watching and hanging out with me, and I will see you soon. Bye