Alright, welcome to the universe. We will start with Tyrion Lannister of physics -
The Planck Length
Which is the smallest thing you can sensibly talk about.
Probably...
Next stop - we will lose our subatomic partical virginity
and meet our first neutrino.
Dont worry, she's lovely
and she has a lots of friends.
There are around 65 billion of them passing through just 1 square cm of Earth every second.
Up next - we bump into quarks. These come in several flavours:
Up, Down, Strange, Charm, Top, Bottom and Banana
These are about as close to the building blocks of nature as we have managed to get so far.
Next stop - we get to the A-list celebritites of subatomic world
Derek Neutron and Barbara Proton
Usually they engage in three ways:
With Carmen Electron and a kinky arrangement known as atoms
Funny thing about subatomical particles:
Sometimes they behave as waves, other times as particles
Depending on how they are feeling and whether or not are they on their period
Which brings us to some more celebrities you have heard of
Such as Helium, Hydrogen, Carbon and Cesium
All of this stuff so far and everything in the universe
Is controlled by 4 forces:
The Strong Force, which generally binds quarks, protons and neutrons together.
Then there's weak force, which regulates radioactive decay.
The electromagnetic force, which holds atoms and molecules together
Basically...
And finally - gravity. He was the promiscuous hussie of physics and regulates everything else
Like universes. But we'll get to there later
All the stuff is contained in a neat little package
called The Standard Model and is about as close to a theory of everything we've managed to get so far.
Generally, the little stuff comes under a title Quantum Physics
And a big stuff, to which we get to in a moment, is known as Relativistic Physics
Scientists are working very hard on getting the two of them to move in together
But currently they have severe commitment issues
A little further up we get to the code of life
Deoxyribonucleic acid, also known as
DNA (AAA!)
DNA is made of a sneeze called
ATCG
Or Adenine, Thymine, Cytosine, Guanine
Depending on how these are arranged
You can get anything from Ebola virus to Papyrus, to the German Iris to Miley Cyrus
Up some more, we get the cells
Some top favourites including
Red Blood, White Blood, Dendritic and soft
The next level above that should be familiar
This is where we find raindrops, Blue Whales, hakisaks, Redtube, the human race
as well as Norway
Out a little further
Now we are looking down on all of human history
Including all of our insecurities, morgage repayments and ex-sexual partners
Which reminds me Natasha
You're a b*tch!
Moving on we get to the eight planets and 146 moons of our Solar system
which doesn't count Pluto
Because you are not a planet, Pluto
You are done mate! It's over! Yeah.
Then there's the Sun, which is a four and a half billion year old burning ball of Hydrogen and Helium
Several billion years from now
The Sun will rage quit and turn into a red giant
Gobbling whatever is left of a planet by then
Out again, we find the Milky Way. The Milky Way contains at least a
100 billion stars
Stars can be by themselves, or orbiting each other
called a Binary Star System
Or occasional group of three, which is called a Trinary/Ternary
Or Ménage a Star
And that's not all
There's also Nebulae, which is a little starry womb where a lots of stars are born
Moons, which either come from planets or are a random floating matter
And comets, meteors and a million other types of astronomical bodies
that there simply isn't time to talk about
At the center of our galaxy
And lots of other galaxies, are black holes
These are enourmous wells of gravity that suck matter in
And distort thyme (time)
Fun fact: If you'd hold your breath while falling into a black hole
You would die, obviously
And then there's the rest of the Universe
The Milky Way, our galaxy, is one of a list of hundred billion galaxies
Each one prettier than the last
Since there are a 100 billion galaxies with at least a 100 billion stars in them
That means there are at least 10 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 (do the math) stars
In the Universe
The Universe itself, as far as we are aware, is about 95 billion lightyears across
Or to put it in another way. If you are travelling with the speed of light
300 000 kilometers per second
It would take you 95 000 000 000 years to get from one side to the other
Except for the fact that the Universe is expanding
And the expansion is getting faster
Which literally makes no sense
And a... yeah. That's... that's about it really.
Oh! Except there might be
Parallel universes
And hidden dimensions of space
And we completely forgot about time
The Universe began, if you can call it that, about 14 billion years ago
The first few galaxies turned up a few hundred million years later.
A few hundred millions after that we get the Milky Way
Another few and you've got a very young Earth
Then oceans
Then life a bit later
Reptiles
Dinosaurs
Game over for dinosaurs. Sorry chaps.
Evolution of hominids
And finally all of our bullsh*t
Here...
Or here Or....
Here, maybe it's...
It's kinda hard to tell, because we are so insignificant
Anyway
Nothing means anything and we all are going to die.
Bye then!
*Calming classical music playing*