- Heya playa.
There are lots of ways to have a successful conversation
with a girl that you like, but there's also things
that you might end up saying
that can actually turn them off,
can make them not wanna speak to at all,
can ruin your chances entirely.
What are those?
Well, I'm gonna share those four things with you
right after this.
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Now, the first thing that guys tend to talk about
without having any real knowledge
about how it works is saying
that a girl is acting the way that she is because she's
on her period or because she's emotional.
Now growing up,I admit I didn't really know much about girls
bodily functions and how they worked
and what periods were like,
but I assume that if a girl
was being emotional in any kind of way,
that she was on her period, that the two were synonymous.
So it was easy for me to write off however she was feeling
simply because I thought that was the reason.
And when you just write off what a person is sharing
with you as being emotional
or not really worth paying attention to,
it can make them feel like you're not actually paying
attention to what they're saying,
that you've already decided what's worth listening to
and what's not worth listening to.
Because one thing I've learned over the years is that people
handle situations in different ways.
Sometimes they do get more emotional.
Sometimes they do feel sick
and they don't want to interact with people.
Sometimes they're totally fine
and you'll never notice that they're experiencing something
either way, don't ever ask a girl or say to her,
are you on your period
whenever you feel like she's being emotional
and sharing something with you?
Number two, I share this because I used to say this to girls
all the time too.
Whenever a girl told me she had a boyfriend,
I would come back with some quick little lie like,
okay, I have a dog and as if that was gonna make her realize
that, yeah, he has a point.
I have a boyfriend and it doesn't really matter,
but the thing is it does matter.
It matters to her who actually has that boyfriend.
That boyfriend's someone that she's chosen to be with,
someone that she cares about, someone that she likes,
someone that she wants to grow into her life with
and you coming in thinking you're just some
smarmy little guy who's gonna wash 'em away
with one little comment.
Yeah, it just makes you look like more of a loser
and this doesn't only apply to when a girl has a boyfriend.
It also applies to whenever a girl kind of pushes you away
and shows you that she's not interested,
but you keep pursuing her
despite what she's kind of put out there.
Lots of guys do this because they think
they're being persistent, that if they try more and more,
eventually the girl's gonna turn around
and give them a chance.
But I think that's the wrong approach to take.
I think it's important to be persistent here,
but you have to see what the reaction is
from the girl herself.
Is she open to talking to you more?
Is she open to hanging out with you?
If she's kind of giving you the brush off
and she's trying to come up with different ways
to kind of push you away without being mean
or just aggressive about it,
then I think it's important to pay attention to that.
Most guys are not approaching their crush with mindfulness.
Instead, sometimes you're approaching
because you're attracted to them
and that's as far as you can see.
But you have to understand
attraction needs to work both ways.
If you wana build something with that person,
if it's just brute force attraction from one side
and she says she has a boyfriend
or she says she's not interested
and you keep pushing her and pushing her,
you're only gonna make the situation worse.
So if a girl tells you something like I have a boyfriend
or even something simple like I'm just not interested,
it's important to respect her decision
because being pushy is only gonna annoy her
more and more.
You're gonna ruin your chances
with developing anything with her in the future.
Number three is a cold hard truth that a lot of guys
need to hear,
but blaming a girl for friend-zoning you
is the wrong way to go.
And I say this from experience guys,
being friends zone sucks.
It's a harsh reality to face.
Having the person that you like tell you
that they only see you as a friend
or that you're like a brother to them,
that they can never imagine dating someone like you,
but you need to accept the truth here.
They're not at fault for friend-zoning you
because they've made the choice for themselves
to not pursue a romantic relationship with you.
That's not something that they've done wrong.
That's simply something that they've decided
and it's important to remember
that just because they've decided
to only be friends with you
doesn't mean they've done something bad or wrong here.
They've simply made a choice for how they feel.
I think what's more important for you
to reflect on your own behavior,
to ask yourself these simple questions,
what did I do that gave off only friendly vibes?
Was I honest and open in pursuing
a romantic relationship with them?
Did I accept the fact that they only wanted to be friends
with me and continue a friendship
despite not really only wanting that?
It's easy to blame the girl
to call her names and to say she never gave you a chance,
but you really need to evaluate your own behavior
before you start blaming someone else for making a decision.
Just like you've made the decision to wanna pursue them,
to wanna date them,
to ask them out or however you went about it.
They made the decision to deny you
and that's a reality you have to come to terms with
instead of focusing so much on their decision,
focus more on what you're bringing to the table
and how you're starting that interaction.
If you feel like they didn't really give you a chance
or they strung you along or they gave you mixed signals,
ask yourself in any of those situations,
did you actively act on them or did you wait
and wait and wait to the point where they probably said,
well, this person is just a friend.
Even if I'm flirting with them,
they're not really responding back in a romantic way.
So it's not really going anywhere.
And the fourth thing that guys tend to say to girls
or even about girls, whether it's in a joking way or not,
is making comments on their sexual history,
calling them things like a slut
or a whore based on the fact
that they've dated different guys
or I've had multiple relationships
or relations with other people.
One thing I really want you guys to understand here is that
there's no situation we're referring to a girl as a slut
or a whore or any other derogatory name
actually makes you look good.
It actually makes you look bad.
It makes you look a bit skeevy.
It makes it look like that's all you're focused on.
You're viewing that person as if their worth is coming
from the amount of sexual partners they've had.
And I think as you get older, you're gonna realize
that that really doesn't matter.
I know when you're young, as you get older,
you start to know more and more people
that are having intimate relations
and just being sexual with each other.
But it's important to know that you should never judge
someone on their sexual exploration through life.
As people decide who they wanna be intimate with,
it's not your choice or your decision to judge them
or define for them what's right and wrong.
It's their life and their choice,
and that's something we have to come to respect
for every individual.
And I know sometimes it's easy to fall into the mix
of joking around with your friends by calling girls names,
spreading rumors about them,
saying you did sexual things with them just for street
cred with your friends,
but it's the wrong road to take.
You're gonna make girls annoyed with you.
They're gonna look at you as someone that is actually
not a good quality guy,
not someone that are gonna want to get to know
and definitely not someone they're gonna want to explore
a potential relationship with.
All in all, I think the most important thing
here to remember is to be mindful of how you speak
the things that you say, who you say them to,
who you say them about what you say matters,
and it carries weight so you can either choose to speak
in a way that people can be proud of you.
People can look up to you, people can admire you,
or you could speak in a way that diminishes other people,
that puts them down, that makes fun of them,
that blames them and make yourself the victim
in the whole equation without taking any responsibility
for what you can change.
I want you to be the type of guy that girls
are attracted to,
that girls wanna talk to,
that girls wanna be around all the time,
but you're only gonna do that by being mindful
of how you speak.
I wanna give a huge shout out to all my patrons
and YouTube channel members.
These are the people that help the channel grow.
Also, if you wanna talk to me one-on-one
every single month through video chat privately,
check out Patreon.
That's the best way to do that.
I'll link it up here on the screen
and I've also shared a video here of different insults
you should never say.
These are words that are actually gonna make you look bad.
People are not gonna want to be around you.
People are not gonna want to associate with you
if you're saying these words, check out that video.
Learn how to be more mindful of your language.
And on that note guys, I'll talk to you next time.
As always, love and peace.