I would run across people who can do some little things
while I'm standing up
but nobody ever approached the consistent
successes of those three people
and they couldn't
Pearls and Satir couldn't be in the same room together
Satir and Erikson couldn't be in the same... she thought he was evil
she said: Grinder, why are modelling an evil man
well...
again, who knows
if I had to beg my best guess this is pretty simple
the epistemology of the top performers in change work
so-called psychotherapist
there is a rule that says
if you know what you are doing
then you are manipulating and manipulation by definition is bad
I don't know how do you possibly even consider being effective
in the world that is changing
being super manipulator, that's what you are
watch the children, I'll teach you about manipulation
people have an intention
they're gonna get there
so, in the case of Virgina and Milton
Milton knew exactly what he's doing
except he actually worked out explicitly
almost all and then as he said
he said this in a certain way and then I forgot about it
and this is the same thing I'm trying to communicate to you when I say
obsessive compulsive practice in terms of reflex
and then forget it
the now becomes a set of background choices
and I'm so pleased to see people doing an exercise with the xyz
and then suddenly I'll look over and there using the sway signals
which is a non part of that performer
but yes it is now, they just created a variation
It's like when we go climbing
We may go climbing some known woods
we can never stay on the roaf
That's more interesting over there let's see if we can go over there
Following an official route
wander off and see if we can create deviation
so, these are all ways of
trying to call to your attention
the fact that success it's a very dangerous situation for him
and the
somehow to make this markings happen
so when you reach that choice point again you take a different exit
some different experience
that's my hope for it
and I propose a specific strategy for doing that
and then you obsessive compulsive practice of the standards
and once there are reflex then your job is to break the model
and forget about the signals
and just doing whatever it is been called
and there's a question which I haven't made explicitly and should mention right now
it's very nice to have this question
what is missing?
and then if you can answer the "what's missing" question
it gives you a design
I received a phone call
very wealthy family
twenty four, five year old son
who when he was eleven was diagnosed
I don't know
some medical label
and medicated
with thorazine
thorazine
it's a heavy duty drug
can go stand in a mental institution ward
and close your eyes and you can tell who the thorazine patients are
definitely, literally you'll feel the shuffles
it's pretty zombie stuff
so, from 11 he's medicated
I have no doubts the psychiatrist who prescribed the medicine had positive intentions
but positive intentions have probably killed more people in our planet than any other single source
so, positive intention I don't know
I think there are pretty reckless
but without skills levels backed up
you can get a lot of harm
in name of very positive goals
in walks
the mother, the father, the psychiatrist and the young man
I turned to the young man and go
I understand you are here because you wanna go choices you don't presently experience
opens his mouth and say yes
the boy comes a voice to the mother
well, you see
she gives a two minute description of her understanding
problem with the son
this is small pause
apparently watching here but actually watching her son
responding
then the father adds this comment
and the psychiatrist said his
I asked a question to the kid
and he didn't leave enough space for the kid to respond
so, I stand up and look at them and I go
leave my office inmediately
because demonstrated your incompetency
once again
on a simple question that I asked your son, get out
I throw them out of the office
now, think of the consequence here
what's the relationship now between the kid and me
deep rapport he trusts me
I had set up loud what he's thought for years
these people and not competant to assist me in my difficulty
so I got deeper for now
and then the kind gives me a gift
he says
look, my parents are wealthy, that's a problem for me
I never work
he said
I deeply want your assistance
I really want your help
I think something have happened here
it's the first hope I've had in a long time
but I don't want you accept pain for your time and efforts from my parents
I want you to give a job, give me some work, let me work
and I mean, that in itself would probably been enough of an intervention
but now notice
we are talking about tasking
if you know what's missing, the question nearly rises
what context can I fabricate, create, take advantage of
appropriate, whatever word
which will create the experience that fit in to the gap
the answer of "what's missing?"
so, in this case the kid says
please, gimme work
I go
show up at ten o'clock tomorrow dressed smartly
smart casual, I have a job for you
He shows up
and make up a questionaire
costumer satisfaction questionaire
he comes in the next day, I give him forty copies and I go
in one week I want these filled up, these are interviews, interview forms
I want this information, I lied, I said I have a contract with the owner of the chain
he goes
great! thanks so much
and he starts to run and and I go: Where are you going?
because
I said: Do you know how to do
well... no....
so, for the next three hours, essentially
run
simulations with him
until he can do the report stuff - non verbals
that he knows enough of the metamodels
to know how to run a really good interview
then he has enough calibration to know when people are congruent in their response
a set of basic tools that he needed in order to do the interview
they're some set of basic tools
he says, he confesses
I know you are gonna laugh but I only just discovered
that people come in two types, men and woman
and I'm fascinated by the diffence, I have no idea how to approach this
he tells me this the first day
and then when he comes back I give him the questionaires
so, he's got the job
and I refused to do, and I say, I refuse to any change work to complete the job
Because I don't want to get stuck with your bill
so, where did I send him?
what stores did you stand up aside of
intercept costumers leaving
and doing costumer satisfaction interviews
something to do with women
it's called Victoria's Secret
(laughs)
from roughly eighteen to forty
and it's kind of lacey lingerie
so that's right where he was
so what does he do? he comes back in a week
and comes in with this really nice face
really kind of cute
he had this ice cream on his face and he confesses
I only had 38 interviews
and I go: Get the hell out out of my office!
you are wasting my time
so i throw him out of my office
so, he comes back the next day, he had forty
and then before anything can happen he goes
I have something to tell you
he goes: I had two dates
(laughs)
he pauses and this is so funny
the segmentation of consciousnes
and he goes: Can we start to change work now?
(laughs)
so, the form is called tasking
it's kind of a natural step
if you can ask and answer the question
what's missing here?
what does this person not have
that if they had it would make a difference to their seeking
Started flipping the whole thing on his head
and in this case, the task I gave him was a varied task
his consciousness was he was earning money
I mean he gave me the gift he asked me for work
ok, you're finished, I've got you now
so, his focus consciously was on
ok, I got to earn this before you do work with me
and of course I put him exactly in the context that I wouldn't put him in
for the intervention anyway
make sense?
I mean, if I say: are you ignoring the snake under your chair?
it doesn't respond anymore
but someday
but in order for me to respond
yes, I'm aware, no, I'm not aware
he has to accept the reality, the presupposition
there's a snake under your chair
so, that's the presupposition, what I did was
use that same pattern but extracted from the linguistic ground and put it in the behaviour
the presupposition was it was there making these interviews
this information for this costumer satisfaction
in order to earn the credit for me to the work with him
towards ... was ready going on
so I focused his intention on something which allow him to do
what he would not otherwise be able to do
approaching attractive women and engage in extended conversations
using all the report skills and etc which you learn naturaly
smile on his face
tasking is my preferred way of doing change work
everything we've done it works
I mean, the practice
happy confidence
and the experience
the different responses different people would make with the same pattern
that's flexibility
but it's such a really nice strong platform for them doing things like
ok, what's not here or what's missing
and figuring out how you can create a context or take advantage of one
there's a sense in which at some point in the near future those of you who do official coaching
I'd say get out of your office
the last place that changes life is in your office
go out there in the street