- [Amanda] Has someone taken advantage of you
or wronged you in some way?
Do you get a bubbling feeling in your gut,
or heat rising in your face?
Anger is one of the natural responses to hurt,
and depending on how you deal with your emotions,
these negative emotions can stay with you for a long time.
Prolonged anger can actually be dangerous
since it doesn't only affect your mental health,
but can also cause physical symptoms like backaches,
migraines, and fatigue.
When you're extremely furious
at someone who's done you wrong,
do you secretly wish bad things upon them,
and hope that they suffer more than you did?
You may even think about revenge.
However, when we have thoughts like this,
it always backfires.
Instead of making the person who made us angry suffer,
we're actually tormenting ourselves
with these negative thoughts.
And as the saying goes, holding on to anger
is like drinking poison and expecting others to die.
This is why it's so important to understand our emotions,
like anger, where it comes from, the trigger behind it,
and how to cope with it in a healthy manner,
instead of oppressing it or acting upon it impulsively.
So, why do we get angry?
Anger is actually linked to fear.
For instance, you may maybe angry at someone
who had violated your trust or has taken advantage of you.
Anger is the reaction and the fear of getting hurt.
It's important to have emotions like fear and anger
because they let you know
when someone has crossed your boundaries
or has hurt you emotionally.
It's a signal to help you prevent the situation
from happening again in the future.
However, when you suppress
or deal with it in an unhealthy way,
these negative feelings can grow more intense.
This is also known as repressed anger.
So where does repressed anger come from?
Why is it so hard to listen to your emotions
such as anger and acknowledge it?
Do you subconsciously keep telling yourself
that you shouldn't feel this way?
Well, repressed anger
and poor anger management may be learned in childhood.
Your parents have a large impact on you as a child,
especially in shaping your values, beliefs, and behaviors.
This is especially true
in how you learn to deal with your emotions.
As a child, you may have expressed your anger
through tantrums,
which your parents may have dealt with by punishing you.
From this,
you are taught to associate your negative emotions,
such as anger, with being bad and unlovable.
Therefore, it conditioned you to ignore
or to unhealthily express any bad emotions that you felt.
Beliefs such as,
anger is a bad emotion or nobody likes angry people,
may continue on to adulthood.
This causes you to have unhealthy habits,
where you don't express your emotions in a healthy manner.
As a human being,
it's natural for you to desire to be loved and accepted.
When you end up developing beliefs
that associate being angry with being bad,
unlovable, and undesirable,
it's not a surprise that you'll start to suppress,
avoid or invalidate these negative emotions.
But the truth is, your feelings and emotions
are trying to tell you something.
Feeling anger is a way for your subconscious
to protect yourself from pain and hurt.
It's your body's way of telling you
how you're really feeling about a certain situation.
It's a reflection of your mental state of health.
And this is why losing touch
with your emotions can be harmful.
If you're out of touch with these emotions,
you might have a hard time identifying
whether someone has crossed your boundaries.
This might also be one of the reasons why
you always find yourself dealing with people
who love taking advantage of you longer than you should.
Did you find this video insightful?
How do you express your emotions?
Tell us about it in the comments below.
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All the references used are also added
in the description box below.
Thanks for watching, and we'll see you in the next video.