- Welcome to the Retro Diner.
Do you have a reservation?
- No.
- Irresponsible, but okay.
- Excuse me?
- How many people for this table?
- Just one. - Right this way.
Please have a seat.
Take a look at the menu and let me know--
- Excuse me.
- How may I help you?
- There must be some mistake.
That's my seat.
- I didn't see you sitting here.
- I had to use the bathroom.
- I'm sorry, but if De Nicki Minaj didn't see you here,
the seat is open.
Like I was saying, take a look--
- You can't just take my seat.
- Let me explain something.
The second you left this table, it was no longer your seat.
- I wanna see your manager.
- Well, the manager doesn't wanna see you.
- I can just get up, if this is a problem.
- No, you stay, you sit.
You go.
- I'm never coming back here again.
- Thank god.
I'm De Nicki Minaj and I will be your server today.
Can I start you off with a drink?
Are you ready to order?
- Yes, I am.
- Go ahead.
- I'll have a number three and--
- There isn't a number three.
- Of course there is.
I saw it on the menu, number three.
- There is no number three.
- You must not know the menu
because there is a number three.
- I know the menu and this ain't SimDonald's.
There's no number three.
- Number three refers to the third item on the menu.
- The steak?
- Yes.
- Just say the name of the item next time.
We don't do numbers.
- Fine, I'll have a rib eye steak, hold the beef, and--
- That's impossible.
- What's impossible?
- You can't have a rib eye steak with no beef.
- I don't see the issue here.
- The issue is rib eye steak is made of beef.
How you gonna hold the beef when it's just beef?
- No, I want everything that comes on the steak,
but not the steak itself.
- You want sauce with some caramelized onions?
- Exactly, a rib eye steak, hold the beef.
- Whatever, anything else?
- Yes, a garden salad.
- Okay, and-- - Hold the lettuce.
- How the (beep)?
♪ Uh, Retro, here we go ♪
♪ Breakfast, lunch, or dinner ♪
♪ We're open 24/7 ♪
♪ Get you coffee, brews or juices ♪
♪ I'm an angel, call this heaven ♪
♪ I can serve you how you like ♪
♪ Be it morning or night ♪
♪ I'm a waitress, hold applause ♪
♪ I'm Nicki Minaj ♪
- I-- - Don't forget
to leave a big tip.
- We just wanted to know if you had crab.
- Really?
- Yes.
- I could've sworn you said, "Nicki, Nicki, please rap."
- No, crab, not rap.
- Oh, I still expect a big tip.
- I'd just like to order now.
- What do you want?
- I'd like a Coke.
- Okay.
- Wait, no, not a Coke, just water.
- Okay. - And spaghetti.
- O-- - Wait, not spaghetti.
I'd like chicken soup, please, that's all.
- Okay, that's one Coke and a spaghetti.
- No, no, I changed my order.
- No, you ordered and then you ordered again.
- I was correcting myself.
I had ordered something new.
- Okay, so one water, one chicken soup--
- Yes.
- One Coke and one spaghetti.
- No.
- You want to cancel your order?
- No, I just want what I ordered.
- I was reading off what you ordered.
You need to make up your mind, my god!
- I just want my order.
- What you're not gonna do is raise your voice at me.
- I wasn't.
- Security!
Excuse me, sir!
- I'll be sure to give the diner five stars, don't worry.
- No, this is about my tip.
- Yeah, I left it on the table.
- What you left was nothing.
- I put $2.
- Your meal came to $55.75, and your cheap ass left me $2.
That's not gonna fly for De Nicki Minaj.
- If you want a higher tip,
how about you go on a date with me?
- What?
- Fine, fine.
A kiss, and I'll throw in a few more bucks.
(Nicki grunts) (customer groans)
- Thank you, and come again.
♪ Simgm Productions ♪