[Intro music]
Chase: Hi and welcome to another episode of the trans 101 series!
Today we're going to be talking about names.
What do I mean by names? Well, when a trans person comes out,
typically they want to use a different name.
Some people have very androgynous ambiguous- ambiguous?- gender neutral names
and they choose to change their name, or they choose to just abbreviate their name,
or slightly modify it a little bit, but most people will change their name to either something that was similar
but more masculine version of their name like Jessica can now be Jesse,
or they'll change their name completely different, like,
if your name is Jessica and now your name is Chase, as an example.
People do this because they either want to disconnect themselves from
the old name and they don't want a reminder of it,
or, they would like a reminder of it. So that's why that they change their name to something very similar.
This is different for everyone obviously, and this is only the experience of me,
that I can talk about, I don't talk for the entire trans community.
But I will say, it is so important,
for you as an ally, as a parent, as a friend, as a sibling, as a partner, as a coworker, as just a-
[stutters] just as a human being in society,
when a trans person comes out to you and says "I would like you to refer to me as Jason now",
please respect them, and understand that because they are telling you this,
this is something super important to them
and it's not something like, [flippant voice] "just call me Jason", you're not saying that.
It is something that has taken a lot of time for them to say to you, and it's very brave of them to come out
and let you know this. Some people, it's no big deal, that's fine.
For a lot of people,
telling someone that they are trans and that "this is the name that I would like you to refer to me as,
and this is something extremely important to me" is something that is crucial.
And respecting the person's decision to tell you and to finally use this name out loud, and to let other people
use this name, it is so important.
So this topic is basically the same thing as the pronoun video that I made previous to this, so please please
please go watch that because there's way more information than I am going to talk about here.
This video will be a little shorter so I can go into just a little bit, but really, all the main points are the same from the other video.
Which the main point is please just respect people.
Yes it can take time to use someone's new name, yes it can take time to get used to it.
Yes, you can accidentally misname them and use their birth name, but don't make a big deal of it.
Don't go crazy and say "oh my goodness I am sooo sorry!" No.
You start saying their name, you're like "oh sorry" and then you say their old name or you don't even say, you just go into their old name,
and it's an accident. Everyone slips up. We all make mistakes. I have made mistakes in the past and I am trans.
We are all human, all humans make mistakes.
You're not exempt from making mistakes if you're talking abou trans people, like it's going to happen.
Um... but one very important aspect that I was not able to talk about in the pronoun video, is
that there are some people who will not respect a trans person's new name unless it is legally changed.
This is something that is extremely problematic for so many different reasons.
Some people don't have access to legally transition, some people don't have access to change their
their documents, and [stutters] some people can't afford it, some people don't want to do it.
So keeping that in mind, and just realising that it doesn't matter what a piece of paper says, it doesn't matter what
your passport or your birth certificate or your ID, driver's license, it doesn't matter, okay.
You are valid as a trans person no matter what. There are a lot of people who will not respect trans people's
names out of spite.
I don't like trans people, I'm going to make it a point to never call you the name that you're telling me to call you
This is- you are the lowest form of human if you do that honestly.
And I know that it can take a lot of time to get used to a new name,
and I'm telling you that that's okay, that it takes time.
It's okay. But. Out of spite using an old name for a trans person when you're angry at them,
This is the same thing as using pronouns that they don't go by anymore, is very very...
It's very demeaning. And you're reducing a person to something that they don't identify with.
And you're literally...
You're, you're challenging the way that they identify.
And I know that this might be problematic but,
there are some trans people that look for validation from people in their life, like
their family, their friends, their partner, spouse, coworkers- to use the right name, that they're telling them.
And I know that we shouldn't rely on other people to validate us, but it does happen.
And having other people around you use the name and the pronoun that you would like to go by,
that you identify with, is so empowering and will help the person in your life who is trans and coming out,
to be more confident. Not respecting their name, not respecting their pronoun, is just very demeaning and
and it's so rude, and honestly very very transphobic.
And I am saying this, honestly, as much as I can try to, [stutters] I'm throwing you a bone, alright.
I am trying as hard as I can to understand your point of view. But...
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
And I'm talking about birth names and I'm talking about old pronouns.
If you can't respect a trans person's name and pronouns, stop.
Don't even say anything. Don't even use the person's name.
And that has happened.
And I am talking here as a person, alright, who has [sigh] been misgendered and used a different name
that I identify with for my family especially my dad. I grew up with my dad and he still uses my old nickname.
To this day! I have been transitioning for 9 years and he is still using that name.
Yes it bothers me, but I've come to an understanding where it's a nickname that doesn't really sound like
my old name, and we've talked about it, and he understands that he's the only person that can use
that nickname, because we had a connection with it before. This is a different story. [inhales]
When we are out in public, and he is introducing me to his friends,
and my step-mom introduces me to her friends, they always use Chase.
And it has taken a long time for them to do that.
And it has hurt me for so many years.
But now, I feel so much more empowered that they're using Chase and that they know that the nickname
that they're using is only for them. No one, no one else in my family is allowed to use that, except for them.
So literally, just them, just little, just tweaking a little bit- finally using "he", finally finally using my name
has empowered me so much and I feel way closer to my family now, I feel closer to my dad,
I feel closer to my step mom, and I feel like I'm finally being seen as who I've always been.
And I know that I've always been this person, and I don't need my dad to validate that for me, but for a lot
of people, the validation of their family is incredibly important because they feel
like they are not trans enough unless other people will name them correctly or gender them correctly.
And as a trans person to another trans person, I will tell you right now you are valid, and you are trans enough
And it doesn't matter if people don't respect your name and pronoun because you will always be trans,
you will always be who you identify as. And don't let them put you down.
Eventually people will come around, and it does happen, sometimes it doesn't and that really sucks, but they
don't deserve you and your life, honestly.
I mean they don't deserve you in their life. Yes. But you are trans enough, and I know that this is like
we get it Chase, we get it. [inhales]
I just want people to understand. It is very hard for trans people to be constantly misgendered and
misnamed, especially if when we go to doctors and we go to school, if none of our papers are changed,
people keep using these names, it's nice when you have a familiar face or a family member that you love deeply
or just someone at work that says "Hey Carl"
And you're just "oh my god, somebody is seeing me."
And it just takes that little word, your new name,
the name that you identify with, to help you with that.
There is a lot more I could say on this topic but I will leave it at that
'cause this is a 101 video that once again went too long
Thank you so much for watching this episode, please watch the pronoun video, I go into a lot more detail
about this topic, and I will see you later on. Have a great day! Bye!
[outro music]