[Alec] Sex. Takeout food. Binge-viewing Broad City.
What's the glue that holds your relationship together?
I'm internationally renowned relationship expert, Alec Baldwin.
Watch me on Alec Baldwin's Love Ride.
What the fuck?
[♪ music ♪] [ALEC BALDWIN'S Love Ride]
[Francesca] Hello. >> [Alec] Hello, how are you?
[Francesca] Hello, Alec Baldwin. >> [Alec] How'd you know that?
[Corey] Oh my gosh, Alec Baldwin. >> [Alec] How are you?
[Corey] I'm well. >> [Alec] Do you know what this is about?
[Francesca] They told us to get in the cab. >> [Alec] They told you to get in the cab!
Greg and I are gonna kidnap you, kill him.
We're gonna strangle him with a Venetian blind cord.
And we're gonna put you in one of those boxes below our house in New Jersey,
where you live there. >> [Corey] Great.
[Alec] And then you'll escape, and write a book,
and be a big star on the Internet.
[Francesca] Well, I'm glad to know so much detail now.
[Alec] You know, in my life I've always wanted to help people
avoid some of the mistakes I've made.
You may not know this, but I am an internationally recognized
relationship expert. [passengers laughing]
So how long have you been together?
[Corey] We've been together three and a half, almost four years.
[Alec] And she's 23. >> [Corey] Right.
[Alec] And you're 29. >> [Corey] I am.
[Alec] So when you were right around 25,
you were jamming on some 19-year-old girl.
If I just lay the cards on the table. >> [Corey] Uh, yeah.
[Paula] Hey, Alec? At the count of three, both say the date you met.
[PAULA PELL, Alec's behind the scenes love advisor]
[Alec] One, two, three.
[Francesca] April— >> [Corey] October—
[Alec] Whoa! [laughing]
[Alec] Oh, not even—April, October!
[Paula] You are screwed.
[Alec] You're the CEO of what company? >> [Corey] That's actually my wife.
[Alec] You're the CEO. >> [Francesca] I'm the CEO.
[Corey] Yeah, she's the CEO of our company. >> [Alec] And you're the yoga instructor?
[Francesca] Isn't that crazy?
[Alec] No wonder you were canoodling with her when she was 19 years old.
[Corey] Of course, yeah. She's going places.
[Alec] She told you she was a future CEO. What's the company?
[Francesca] It's called hOM, H-O-M.
[Corey] It's like SeamlessWeb, but for yoga, Thai massage, meditation.
[Alec] Talk English to me, okay? Let's go with wellness services.
[Francesca] Like when you order food delivery.
You can just order yoga delivery, or Thai massage delivery, or—
[Alec] You guys are pimps?
[Paula] Maybe you guys need to get crazy a little bit.
You seem very levelheaded. >> [Alec] Both of you seems so levelheaded.
What's an impulsive thing you do?
[Francesca] Thank you. >> [Corey] Get froyo randomly.
[Alec] That's when you go nuts. You have froyo.
[Francesca] He goes crazy. >> [Alec] Crazy.
[Paula laughing]
[Alec] So you think you might have kids in a couple years?
[Corey] It kind of fluctuates back and forth.
[Alec] If you got pregnant tomorrow, you'd be happy.
[Francesca] It'd be fine. >> [Alec] You'd be ecstatic.
And you would go jump off the balcony. >> [Corey] No, I'd figure it out.
[Alec] What do you wish that she would do more or less of?
[Francesca] Dun-dun-dunnn. >> [Corey] Just simple stuff.
[Paula] Spank me less or more.
[Corey] Yeah, I wish she would put her plates away in the dishwasher.
[Francesca] Ohhhh. >> [Alec] She's not neat.
He's the Felix and you're the Oscar. >> [Corey] Yeah.
[Alec] Do you even know what that reference means?
[Francesca] No, I've no idea. >> [Corey] I got it.
[Alec] Of course you don't.
[Alec] What are you? >> [Francesca] I am a Taurus.
[Alec] You're like me. I'm an Aries.
You know what you and I have in common? >> [Francesca] What?
[Alec] If everybody would just shut the fuck up and do what we tell them to do,
the world would be a better place. >> [Francesca] Everything would go really well!
[Alec] Because my plan involves you too. Just try it.
Just try it for six years.
[Alec] It's the little things, isn't it.
I once had a famous woman and a famous husband.
The guy's one of the biggest stars in the world.
And I said to her, if you look him right in the eye
and say "I love you more than anything" every day,
he will do whatever you ask.
He will be your slave for the rest of your life.
[Paula] Can you look at each other and say that right now?
[Francesca] I love you so much.
I don't think I could have done
anything I've done in the past year especially, without you.
[Paula] Aw, sweet. >> [Alec] What about you?
What do you want to tell her?
It's your moment. >> [Corey] I—
[Alec] No, look her in the eye. >> [Francesca] It's hard in a cab.
[Alec] I don't want to hear your bullshit.
You're a yoga teacher. Twist.
[Corey] You and our puppy are the world to me.
You're the reason that I get up in the morning.
[Alec] Oh my God, he brought the puppy into it too.
[Paula] You guys are just cute as shit.
[Alec] Thank you. >> [Francesca] Thank you.
[Alec] Thanks for doing us with us. You guys are incred—you're so cute together.
[Francesca] Aw, thanks. >> [Alec] It's making me sick to my stomach.
[ABOVE AVERAGE] [WWW.ABOVEAVERAGE.COM]
[SUBSCRIBE] [♪ music ♪]
[Alec] I'll try not to say, when I get another guest,
that we're gonna put the woman in a box below a house in Syracuse,
after we kill him with a Venetian blind cord.
We've done that twice now. I think we should stop.
For more episodes, check out AboveAverage.com.
[♪ music ♪] [ABOVE AVERAGE PRODUCTIONS]