My therapist told me it was important for me to really start believing in myself.
I mean, look, at me. I’m not some hot young bond trader. I’m a soil bacterium. But I produce
a toxin that helps control mosquitoes and that’s something. I help limit the species
that transmit things like malaria and yellow fever. And I don’t hurt honeybees.
I used to have low self-esteem. Now I’m acknowledging my potential.
It’ll never be enough for my mother, though.
So, sure, you could say I’m probiotic. There are a lot of people out there who’ll tell
you, “I can’t.” To that I say, “Turn around and watch me.”
I mean, Western culture is sort of anti-microbial. To change your body, you must first change
your mind. I just try to remind people that I’m part of a healthy microbiome.
I work with adults, sure, but we start super young – like, I coach immune development
in babies.
If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you!
And, like, I’m not saying definitely, right, but without a really diverse microbiome, you
can have an increased risk of things like asthma, type 1 diabetes, and obesity. So, work hard
now, selfie later. Namaste.
Born and raised in NYC, so this is my team, baby! Whoo! But we need a new defensive coordinator,
plain and simple. Argh, they’re killing me this season.
When I’m stuffed with stadium dogs and buffalo wings—a high fat diet—yeah, maybe I start
multiplying. And maybe that ticks off the immune system. But that’s who I am.
I’m a confrontational gal, right.
And, yeah, maybe I encourage obesity in people who’re eating fatty foods. And maybe I’m
a factor in body weight—along with diet and exercise. And maybe next season will be
our season…
So, the neighborhood’s gone through a lot of cycles over the years. The average mouth’s
microbiome has got, like, 250 species. So, you’ve always got these new bacteria moving
in, living on the tongue, living on the teeth, living below the gum line. I mean, I like
it—I like the diversity. It’s what makes this place great. But, man, the bad breath
is out of control.
So, I do what I can. I’ve been known to help out so
the morning breath doesn’t overwhelm our block.
I’ll tell you a story. See that corner shop? Charlie Parker used to go to that corner shop.
Now they’re turning it into an artisanal cheese purveyor. I’m gonna be working over
time on breath patrol, let me tell you.
Nausea and vomiting? Sure, I cause those. #upchuck But I identify less as a source of food
poisoning and more of a Creative Director of Cuisine Externalization.
And I think you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Why aren’t I keeping
hot foods hot and cold foods cold?” #duh And, “Why did I leave out a bowl of pineapple
fried rice and then eat it the next morning?” #nothashbrowns
I have a Tumblr where I ask my followers really hard questions like that. It’s called Hard
Questions: I Can’t Even. #ican'teven Also, I'm on Twitter, but that's mostly
just me subtweeting Salmonella.