SCP-2535 "Printers that Eat and Eaters that Print" Object Class: Safe
Item #: SCP-2535
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2535 is to be sealed off from the public under the
cover of health and safety reasons.
A team of at least two agents is to be stationed in an adjacent building for observation purposes
at all times.
Where possible, the interior of SCP-2535 is to be soundproofed.
Excess material generated within SCP-2535 is to be collected and disposed of daily.
Description: SCP-2535 is the former two-story Hewlett-Packard branch office building located
in the Xiaoshan district of Hangzhou, China.
It contains an intricate network of electrical and biological components of unknown origin.
In particular, covering the walls of the entire first story of SCP-2535 are sixty-three thousand,
five hundred and twelve USB 2.0 standard A sockets embedded at semi-regular intervals
of roughly 20 cm in a grid pattern.
Each socket is connected to a network of wires running throughout the walls, consisting of
strands of copper interwoven with human optic nerve tissue and encased in a keratin sheath.
For reasons unknown, the temperature of each USB socket, as well as that of the wires,
remains at a constant 47.6°C regardless of external temperature.1 Furthermore, despite
being partially composed of biological material, the wires have not exhibited any sign of decay
or deterioration since initial containment.
These wires branch out from clusters running vertically throughout the load-bearing pillars
of the building, and terminate in a room located on the second floor, presumed to be the former
server room.
The room is currently inaccessible, as its only entrance has been obstructed from the
inside by what non-intrusive imaging methods have determined as a continuous solid biological
mass.
Ballistic means of ingress have been deemed unnecessarily destructive, and thus have not
been attempted.
The inside of the room, like the other anomalous electrical and biological components of SCP-2535,
constantly emits heat at a temperature of 47.6°C. Personnel within the vicinity of
the room occasionally report the smell of ozone and sulfur emanating from within, along
with loud printer noises.
317 of the USB socket and power outlets of SCP-2535 have been connected to HP-brand USB
2.0-compatible electronic devices.
Of these, 20 possess anomalous, possibly ectoentropic function (see below for details).
The remainder have been catalogued and moved to the adjacent Provisional Observation Site-2535
for storage.
Five former employees of Hewlett-Packard's Hangzhou branch are located in various rooms
within SCP-2535.
The bodies of these five individuals are in an anomalous state of biological suspension,
requiring no sleep, water, or food despite being perpetually conscious.
They have remained virtually unchanged in their states since initial discovery and acquisition
in April 2013.
Any attempt to extricate them from their predicaments appears to be physically impossible, as the
devices binding them are unable to be unplugged or disassembled by any means whatsoever.
The list of employees within SCP-2535 consists of:
Guo Pingping, former branch manager of the Hewlett-Packard Hangzhou branch.
Guo is located in the bathroom nearest to the receptionist's desk on the first floor.
His head has been forced into the feed tray of a continuously-operating USB 2.0-compatible
HP Deskjet 1112 printer plugged into the wall2.
Although this would be fatal to an ordinary human, the remainder of Guo's body continues
to kick and thrash as if in pain.
James Gu Yongsun, former assistant branch manager of the Hewlett-Packard Hangzhou branch.
Gu is located in the employee's pantry on the second floor.
His body has been secured vertically to the wall via ninety-two 20-inch USB 2.0 M-M cables.
The actuating unit of a HP Deskjet 2540 All-In-One printer has been similarly secured to Gu's
lower jaw via five 10-inch USB 2.0 M-M cables.
Attached to the arm of the actuating unit is a single HP 10 Black Original Ink Cartridge.
The actuating unit has been modified to run on USB power sources and is itself plugged
into a USB socket via an adapter.
It continuously rams the ink cartridge into Gu's throat at a rate of 1 stroke per second.
The ink cartridge is hypothesised to contain an anomalous amount of ink, as it has yet
to run dry.
Gu himself is partly conscious, and responds incoherently to vocal stimuli.
Angel Li Huimin, former human resources department head of the Hewlett-Packard Hangzhou branch.
Li is located in her former office on the second floor.
Similarly to Gu, she has been secured to the wall via eighty-nine 20-inch USB 2.0 M-M cables.
Another cable of indeterminate length has been inserted into her lower abdomen via a
5mm-wide fistula.
She continuously vomits a stream of thermal receipt paper from her mouth and appears to
be in great distress as a result.
Her abdomen is slightly distended; it is inferred from palpitations and analysis of the sounds
produced from her abdomen that there is a fully-operating HP USB Single Station Thermal
Receipt Printer located in the vicinity of her jejunum.
Wang Liang, former IT department head of the Hewlett-Packard Hangzhou branch.
Wang is located near the water cooler on the first floor.
He is secured in a standing position against the wall via thirty-seven 20-inch USB 2.0
M/M cables.
Pressed against his body are twelve HP Scanjet 200 scanners, all in continuous operation.
Beside him is a HP Deskjet 1112 printer attached to the wall, also in constant operation; however,
instead of paper, it produces A4-sized sheets of human epidermal tissue matching Wang's
skin tone.
Wang is conscious but unable to respond coherently due to his near-constant screaming.
Chen Youpeng, trainee technical writer.
Chen is located in the branch manager's office on the second floor.
His body has been fitted inside the paper tray and backup paper tray of a HP Laserjet
Pro 500 multi-function printer, which has been plugged into the wall via a standard
power cable and a 3-feet USB 2.0 M-M cable.
An aperture has been cut into the side of the printer, from which his head protrudes.
The printer alternates between producing copies of the HP standard print quality diagnostic
page and the HP Laserjet 500 technical repair manual.
Since discovery, it has not run out of paper or ink.
Chen is unconscious, and displays signs of severe blood loss.
These five individuals were reported missing in May 2013, one month after the closure of
the Hangzhou branch office due to international downsizing measures.
Additionally, a Canon Pixma E480 printer is located in the janitor's closet on the first
floor.
It bears human teeth marks and dents across its exterior, along with chemical damage indicating
application of concentrated liquid bleach.
Since its discovery, it has been attempting to print a 91-page document to no effect,
as its paper tray appears to have been improperly loaded such that the topmost sheets have crumpled
up and jammed the feed mechanism.
The seams of the Canon Pixma E480 periodically leak human blood.
DNA matches that of Yan Shaoxia, a creative consultant formerly under the employment of
the Hewlett-Packard Hangzhou branch, who was reported missing at about the same time as
the five Hewlett-Packard employees.