- I met my wife at the grocery
store.
Yeah.
You know, she's older.
She was the manager,
I was the bagger.
Then I bagged her.
Yeah.
It's cool working with your wife
when she's the manager.
It's just hard to call in sick when
you're laying right next to her.
Yeah, we have an age difference,
man.
She's older.
I'm into that.
I've always been into older women.
They used to call me
the varicose veins chaser.
[LAUGHTER]
- I like older moms, you know.
When does that end, though?
I've always been into older woman,
when does that end?
Never?
Some of you like, 80.
Like, look at her over they're,
about to die.
I know you can't hear me, girl.
I got to get those before the Lord
does.
I got some tennis balls
for that walker.
That would probably work huh?
she's like, I needed some balls
on here.
Yeah.
Three pack.
Wilson.
No, look.
We got a cool age difference.
Let me be more clear.
My wife's older,
she's not like oxygen tank old.
She just like-- that's funny?
Oxygen tank?
Have you tried it?
Has anyone?
A relationship with someone
with an oxygen tank?
Do you not see the pros?
Could you imagine
during an argument,
if you had access to somebody's air
supply?
[LAUGHTER]
- This year we're going to spend
the holidays with my family.
How do you feel?
I need you to nod your head, OK.
[LAUGHTER]
- Now, look.
I enjoy the age difference.
I really embrace it.
I love it.
I just don't like being treated
like a kid.
Like she'll do it in front
of people.
We'll be in a grocery store,
"you better not throw anything extra
in this shopping cart."
I'm like, that's hard for me
to do while I'm sitting in it.
You know what?
I don't have to take this.
I'm going outside and riding
a horse.
Give me a quarter.
[LAUGHTER]
- No.
It's really cool, man.
The age difference is cool,
you know.
Like I said, she's older.
I got a stepson.
Me and him, we're like the same age.
I call him step man.
He drove me here.
That's my step homeboy.
It's a weird dynamic if you see it
too.
You know, my wife and I, we were
arguing, step man was in the room.
And she motions to him to leave.
I'm like, whoa, whoa.
What?
Why does he have to leave?
She's like, Michael, we're not going
to argue in front of the kid.
I'm like, no, he can stay.
He got some of the same issues
with you that I have.
And I'm not the cause of your anger.
Step man said this has been going on
for years.
Come back, step man.
It's two against one,
we can win this time.
Stop hiding, I can see you.
Step man does things I've never seen
in my life before.
He's been buying products
around the house,
to prove he's responsible,
using my money.
I walked in,
he was eating his cereal.
I'm like, hey, hey.
Don't waste that milk.
He's like, I bought it.
OK.
He doesn't waste the milk.
Walks the bowl of milk
past the sink, and places the bowl
of milk inside of the refrigerator.
So first I'm like, who reuses cereal
milk?
But then I was like, how good would
my cereal taste double cocoa-puffed
up?
All these years I've
been single milking it.
I just needed my milk to marinate?
That should be sold in stores.
Mike E's mystery milk.
[LAUGHTER]
- Step man was drinking.
Underage high school party.
My wife and I, we're discussing how
to handle it.
I'm like, I don't know what to do.
She's like, go get him.
I drive around the corner to pick
him up, I came home three hours
later.
She said, Michael, you've
been drinking?
I'm like,
we got all the same friends.
Everybody was there.
He's still there.
I'm going to go get him again.
I don't know why you weren't
invited.
Something happened in school,
I don't know if it was
an altercation, but I had to go up
to step man's school to pick him up.
I get up to the school,
someone was giving me problems.
"You can't be in the hallway
without a pass."
I'm like, I don't go to this school,
you old lady.
Three hours later, my wife
had to pick us both up
from detention.
[LAUGHTER]