Have you ever wanted to approach
an attractive woman
but you had no idea what to say?
In this video, I'm going to share with you
three conversation openers
that have worked on me.
So, you can use them too.
(Music)
All right, so it is really nerve-racking
if you want to talk to somebody
and you don't know how to start a conversation.
So, I'm going to give you a couple of
conversation openers
or icebreakers that have worked on me
that I think would actually work for you as well.
They're really simple they're not cheesy
or if they are che... You can make them cheesy.
If you want to make them cheesy bonus points
because then that shows that you've got confidence
and a sense of humor.
But the first one is just hello
how are you doing today?
So, I have a lot of guys actually say this to me
in places like coffee shops.
Like I go to a lot of coffee shops
because I like coffee
and it's a really great place
to be able to start conversations
because you tend to be either waiting in line to order
or waiting for your beverage once you have ordered.
So, it's a really easy place to be able to just say
how's your day going?
But how's your day really going?
Tell me how you really feel
and a lot of times people have to
actually stop and think about that
because our automatic response is to just be polite
and say oh, it's good,
but if you say how's your day really going
or they might answer first
and then you can say okay,
but how's your day really going.
So, that's kind of cute
and if she's having a good day
then she'll probably be more amenable to talking
and if she's not having a good day,
but she's actually got a decent personality
and she wants to be cheered up
then she might be okay with talking.
There's been lots of times where
I've maybe had a cranky day
and then by conversing with somebody
I've been able to get out of that bad mood
so, really it's that simple.
One, is just hey, how's your day going?
And then when either right away
or once they've answered say
but really, how's your day really going?
And it's kind of cute
because it's a little bit intimate
and inappropriate in a way.
But because you're saying it in
a kind of a cute way then you can get away with it.
And side note,
don't worry about their reaction,
if they're having a cranky day
and they don't want to be cheered up
oh well, you did your best.
And if they're having a cranky life
and they don't want to cheer up
then thank goodness you dodged that bullet.
Okay, now here's another one that has worked on me
and I've actually wrote about it in my memoir,
which I'll put a link to in case you are curious about that.
And the guy actually approached me,
I was in a park
and I was, it was so soon
and I was living in Seattle
and I was reading a book
I think on the grass. Yeah, I was on the grass
and he came up to me
and what did he say...
What are you reading?
And I kind of you know was not expecting it
so I think I looked up at him and I was like
I showed him my book it was about narcissists
because I highly suspected that my boyfriend
at the time was a narcissist and anyways.
So, I kind of told him
which indicated that I was friendly.
He said I thought you looked like a nice person
so, I thought I'd come over and say hi.
Now the reason why that works is because
if someone says I think you're a nice person
so, I thought it would be safe to come over and say hi.
Well, most people don't want to be viewed as not nice
so, they will at least be polite
and if they're really not interested
in sharing company at that time
they can say you know I just really prefer
to be alone right now.
If there are any women watching this
don't be a ***
if a guy approaches to you that takes a lot of guts
just be kind and just be courteous
and say I just prefer to be by myself right now,
but thank you for having the guts to come and say hi,
I hope you have a good day.
Be polite you don't have to be a jerk about it.
Okay, so now back to the guys.
Guys watching this,
if you approach a girl
and she is ordinary or not polite about it
then like I say
either she's having a bad day
or she's having a bad life
or she's been approached way too many times.
And it's just really tired of it
or she has a boyfriend or whatever,
don't take it personally
maybe you know wrong time for her
or it may be that
she's just the wrong person to chat with.
And you've got to realize that
the more attractive a woman is
the more likely that she is approached
by really aggressive types way more frequently
than women who are maybe more
average plain Jane's
or average looks.
So, if you want to start practicing
I definitely recommend to start practicing
on women who are not tens in your world.
So, whatever sort of level of attractiveness
you think you are at,
ask your friends maybe they'll be honest.
If you don’t have friends you need to get friends.
And kind of go play within your field
or even a couple points lower, on the attractiveness scale
because it won't be quite as intimidating.
And not only that
but if you're better looking than the girls you're approaching,
they may be more receptive to talking to you
and it's good practice.
You don't have to go for the A-listers every single time
but you really want to actually practice on the ones that
are not going to be the ones that you'll really want to date.
And you know how you might actually meet someone who
maybe wasn't as attractive to you initially physically
and then you get to know the person
and they become more attractive and
you never know what can happen from that,
even if it's just a friendship.
It's always a good idea to have female friends
because you can learn from them
and you can meet their friends
and if they're halfway attractive
and they're going to have halfway attractive friends
most likely as well.
Oh, and that guy the last guy
who approached me in the park.
We did end up going
we actually went straight for lunch
after we had chatted for a while.
And then we ended up being friends.
And I was like I said I already...
I was in it in a relationship at the time.
Kind of in and out literally and figuratively
because I was trying to play that out
and I think we were actually not.
Yeah, no, this is when I was no longer with the guy,
but I was just,
we just broken up and I wasn't.
I was not in the mood for a relationship.
And aside from which
I haven't got to know this guy very, very quickly
I knew immediately that we were not a right fit
because he was ready to go to make babies
and I was not interested
in having children whatsoever.
So, that was an instant deal-breaker anyway
regardless of anything else even though I was just
really not in the right place for a relationship
with anybody at that time.
So, sometimes that will happen.
Remember this story that I'm telling you right now.
Sometimes it's just not the right time for that person.
So, it doesn't matter who you are
it's not going to happen.
But you need to practice
and get more comfortable talking to women
so, that when you do meet the right person
at the right time that you're not going to blow it.
Because most of the time, what happens is
you don't blow it
with the ones that you can never have a chance with
because they’re either, they're just not interested
or because it's the wrong time
or because they're gay
or whatever the reason is.
There's certain women that you're going to have
zero chance with
and they're going to reject you.
So, it doesn't matter if they reject you.
If you want to make sure that you're well-practiced enough
so that when you meet the one
that you have a chance with
that you're not going to blow it.
Okay, so let's get to the third example.
I was actually in a coffee shop and I was sitting down
and a guy just came over
and literally just didn't even really ask
permission to sit down.
And sat down and said I really love to chat with you,
I only have a few minutes because I'm meeting a friend
but I saw you over here I thought you were really attractive
and do you mind if I just chat with you for a little bit?
Now the reason why this could potentially work
is because it's a limited time only.
She's not going to get saddled with you for hours.
You just already said that
you'r going to be leaving very shortly
because you're meeting somebody else.
But you also wanted to take the chance
because you didn't want to lose the opportunity
to maybe strike up a conversation with someone
that you'd like to get to know better.
And then you do actually have to
have a short conversation and leave.
Even if you don't have anywhere to go.
You pretend you have somewhere to go
because that makes the look interesting
because you have a life
because you're going somewhere to meet somebody
and you also look very confident
because you were also willing
to sit down and chat with someone
and go for what you might want
and at least play that out.
And again, she might say
no, I'm really not comfortable with that
or no, I have a boyfriend
or no, I'm really focusing on this.
It doesn't matter if you get the no's.
In fact the more no's you get
the happier you should be.
Because the more no's you get
the closer to a yes you're going to be.
So, don't think about it as personal rejection
just think about it as practice
I'm rambling, okay, bye.
(Music)