- I'm so over everything right now.
I'm over the floor, I'm over the sky, I'm over you,
over that pussy back there.
You're a pussy!
- Meegan, seriously.
- Whatever.
(dramatic music)
- Meegan!
- No!
- I have your,
I have your jacket.
God, the moment I saw you last night in the club,
totally had to ask you out.
- Are you kidding me?
Like the moment? - Ah, yeah.
- That's so sweet.
- I was actually afraid that you were gonna be like
one of those high-maintenance chicks.
- Oh my god, that's so funny.
- (laughs) Is it funny?
Is it funny?
- No, I'm like, I totally just like to be,
just like easygoing. - Yeah, yeah.
- Hi, I'm Wynn,
I'll be your waiter. - It's been five minutes,
and we're just now getting our menus?
(ominous music)
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry, be better.
- Right, okay, I'll be better.
- That's your job.
Thank you.
And, I pretty much go with the flow.
- Right, right.
- And what the (bleep) is wrong with you?
- Excuse me?
- Do I look like Mad Max to you?
- I'm sorry?
- Do I look like Mel Gibson with a mullet?
- I, no, not at all.
- Does he look like a feral child
with a boomerang in his hand?
- No.
- Then why the (bleep) is water a rare commodity here?
- It's not, it's not, I'm just, uh.
(Meegan snickers)
I'm sorry, I'm just really slammed.
- No, you'll know when you're slammed,
because your nuts'll be on the table
and my fist will be covered in your blood.
- Um.
You were, uh, like kinda harsh to that guy.
- Oh, him?
- Yeah.
- No.
I was a hostess at a restaurant.
In the industry, that's how we talk to each other.
I'll show you, hey!
- Uh, hey.
- What do you see there?
- That's your water.
- Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, down.
- Down?
- Down, boy.
On your knees. - Okay,
I have other tables that I have.
- What's that look like to you?
- Yes, there's a little lipstick on your glass.
- Okay. - But, it...
- Meegan, it's your-
- This is what I want you to do.
I want you to take this glass in the back.
I want you to break it.
Take the biggest shard you can find and bring it to me.
- I'm...
- Then I'm gonna slit your gullet.
- All right, I'll get another water.
- Well, that would be great, thank you.
But as I was saying, like,
I just feel like it's like, do unto others.
- Meegan!
It was your lipstick on the glass.
What the hell is that, what are you doing?
Wait, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Oh my god.
I'll just tell you,
no one's ever talked to me like that in my life.
- I'm just saying that your lipstick was-
- You have his back?
Who does that?
- It was your lipstick on the glass.
- He's just a waiter.
You know what, take his side.
I hope you have a very happy life together.
- No, Meegan.
Seriously, Meegan. - No!
- No.
Meegan, you left your jacket.
You left your jacket, Meegan.
- Oh, just throw it in a river.
- Why would I (bleep) do that?
- I don't care, I'm over it.
- Meegan!
- Where's my jacket?
- I have your jacket!
- Fine. - Do you want it?
- No!
- You know... - Eat it!
- Why would I do that?
Meegan, do you want your (bleep) jacket?
- No.
- Seriously, come back to the bar.
- You go back to the bar.
- I'm gonna throw this jacket in the water.
- Oh, nice.
That's really nice.
(suspenseful music)
- Meegan.
Meegan.
Meegan, what are you doing?
- Andre?
- Meegan.
- Andre, where are you?
- Shh.
- You shh, I'm looking for my boyfriend.
- Meegan.
- Andre?
- Meegan.
(audience shushes)
- Don't shh me. - I'm shushing you.
- Andre?
- [Andre] Meegan.
- Andre? - Meegan.
- Andre? - Meegan, come here.
- Andre?
- Meegan. - Andre?
(audience shushes)
- Why would you go back to where you were before?
- [Meegan] Andre?
- [Staff Member] Lady, get out of here.
- No, you get out of here.
I can go wherever I want. I'm looking for my boyfriend.
Andre?
- [Staff Member] Come on, you can't be up here.
- Andre?
Shut, get off of me, Mr. Director.
- He's not the director.
- Can you shine this light on the audience?
I wanna see my boyfriend.
Let me see something.
(screams) The light's in my eyes.
- Meegan, get out of the projector booth.
(audience shushes)
- Don't shush me.
- [Andre] (sighs) Can you totally chillax?
- No, I'm so annoyed right now.
Can you, like, not talk to me for like a second?
Like, that'd be great.
That'd be fine, that'd be fine by me.
- What, oh my god, are you serious?
This is bull (bleep).
What could possibly be the problem
with letting two more people in.
- Check your girl, bro.
- I'm sorry. - Excuse me, what did you say?
Check your girl?
Uh-uh, it doesn't work like that.
No one checks me, because I'm not luggage.
Okay, so you can go (bleep) yourself.
- Meegan, seriously.
Two more people are gonna come out
in a couple of seconds, and then we can go in.
- No! Let me ask you a question,
what was it like being in "The Green Mile"?
- He wasn't in "The Green Mile".
He clearly wasn't in that movie.
- What does Tom Hanks' penis feel like?
- Meegan.
- Moreover, how does it feel when swarms of bees
are coming out of your face?
- Seriously, I'm sorry, it's like her favorite movie.
- Don't apologize for me.
Yeah, this is nice.
This is nice,
you look like Common meets The Incredible Hulk.
- Meegan.
- When you brought the frankincense to baby Jesus,
did they, like, make you stand outside the barn
because you were too big,
or did they invite you in with all the other animals.
If you're just gonna continue to be a little prick,
you're gonna get your ass kicked.
- Don't touch him.
Meegan.
- Crazy bitch.
(Meegan gasps)
(Andre sighs)
(punch thuds) (Andre groans)
- Totally love my nails right now.
So, what do you wanna do tonight?
Like, I was thinking maybe we could meet up
with Amy and Brad, and like, before that,
we could go to Angelo's, and before that,
we could, like, just go buy- - Meegan.
I have something to say.
I had to say it in person,
because it's, like, super important.
- Okay.
- Um, I know this is sudden,
but, like, I've been thinking about this for a while,
and I know this is something that needs to happen.
I'm breaking up with you.
- Cool, love it.
Totally fine with that.
- Really? - Yeah.
- 'Cause I thought...
I was really worried that you were gonna be, like, mad.
- Mad?
Oh my god, are you kidding me?
No, of course I'm not mad.
People grow apart, it happens.
It's, like, part of life.
No, I'm totally fine.
Like, love it, love it, love it.
(melancholy music)
- Don't be a stranger.
- Can I just,
can I ask why?
- Why?
- Yeah, like, whatevs.
Like, I'm doing some work on myself
and, like, trying to grow as a person.
- Cool, cool.
- So, I'd really, like, appreciate to know why.
- You know, I think that you're kind of like
a controlling person. - Thank you.
Thank you for that.
That's nice, thank you for that.
- Cool, no problem. - Yeah.
- So, you know what your problem is, Andre?
- What?
- You keep tabs on people.
Every little thing somebody does,
you have to keep a tab of it.
- Wait, I, I can't tell if you're angry or not.
- I'm not.
Totally not angry.
No, I'm excited, it's good.
It's just, like, you said your piece,
and I just think that I deserve the human decency
to say my piece. - Right, right.
- You're a controlling, manipulative person.
Everyone says it.
- I don't think that I am.
- Yes, you are, Andre.
Yes, you mother (bleep) are.
(dramatic music)
- Okay, now, like you sound pretty angry.
- I'm not angry.
I'm not angry.
I'm fine, I love it.
I love that you came to my house and you broke up with me
in my space, and I'm gonna think about that
every time I'm here, that's great.
That is so perfect for me.
It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm a bitch, thank you, thank you.
- I didn't call you, no, I didn't say bitch.
I didn't, all I said is that- - Which is it?
Am I evil or am I a bitch?
- No, no, you're not evil, Meegan, you're not.
- Well, then why are you punishing me?
- I'm not punishing you, I'm not.
- Oh, you broke up with me
and I'm not supposed to feel punished?
Who thinks like that?
- (screams) I don't know!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay, Meegan?
I guess I didn't think it through.
- Well, it's, like, too late now.
I mean, we're done.
- No, it's not too late.
Meegan, Meegan, seriously,
I just, (stammers) I had a feeling
that I thought was true, and clearly,
clearly, it wasn't true.
- I'm so confused. Like, are you breaking up with me
or are you not breaking up with me?
- Meegan, I'm not breaking up with you!
- Okay, cool, so what do you wanna do tonight?
Like, I wanna hang out with Amy and Brad,
but maybe before that, we can go to Angelo's,
and I was thinking before that, we could go buy some things.
- What just happened?