usually the universe will send us a
message this message is the next step in
our personal and spiritual development
the lesson that we need to learn to grow
and if you ignore the universe it'll
just get louder what is this a personal
attack and louder I have a very
important message for you okay I need
you to know your value until finally he
seems kind of ridiculous in theory would
you want this twenty dollars in theory
yeah but I guess also in reality yeah
even if I did this yeah what about this
yeah I mean it's still $20 what if I
farted on it no actually I would
definitely pass in that case okay well I
mean never mind then but like is that
interesting that no matter how much I
beat up this twenty dollar bill it still
has its inherent value okay I get it are
you so for the last few years my one
goal has been to recognize my self-worth
and to practice self-love and you know
in the midst of things it's really hard
to tell whether or not change is
actually happening but a few months ago
I've been seeing romantically told me so
I've decided I don't actually want a
relationship anymore but don't worry I'm
still down to like chill and have all
the perks of a relationship without any
of the emotional accountability now
freeze on my big dumb stupid face old
Anna would have a hundred percent said
oh yeah of course that's tight right
let's make us all a deal yeah I mean
that's exactly what I wanted that lines
up well inside I would have thought why
don't they like me enough to come in you
know maybe if they stick around they'll
see how awesome I am and change their
mind like I can prove to them that I'm a
really great person and I would make a
great partner but not today say today I
said okay well I totally understand that
but I'm actually looking for a
commitment and I can't just like hang
out with people without developing
feelings so I'll have to bow out but it
was really nice getting to know you I
was so proud of myself you guys and I
know it doesn't seem like a big deal but
this this is me knowing that I am worthy
of being committed to you
in the past my usual mo has been that
I'll stick around confident that I'm
gonna grow on them like a barnacle
and/or fungus and become so
indispensable to their life that they
can't help but make me their girlfriend
but not anymore
I have listened to the universe I have
learned so for those of you struggling
with knowing your value how do we get
here well in therapy I'm learning about
positive resilience so my therapist says
that our brains pick out our flaws right
we're designed to look for the negative
and focus on our weaknesses because it's
how we survive
so to cultivate a sense of self-worth we
need to shift that focus onto our
strengths believe in ourselves and be
clear about our values that means
knowing your boundaries having the
courage to speak up for yourself and
finding ways to validate yourself from
within instead of externally that one I
haven't quite figured out yet because I
love attention now I know this is all
very abstract right like how do we get
to this practically well there are many
ways and you can find the ones that
speak to you whether that's taking the
Clifton strengths assessment and taking
a moment to reflect every week about how
you exhibited your strengths
therefore doing one rep and mentally
solidifying positive resilience or you
can write affirmations over and over
again to take advantage of the link
between what we write down and how we
affect our subconscious beliefs you can
explore these issues in therapy future
self journal to shift your patterns and
or listen to guided meditations one
thing you must absolutely do is give
yourself time measure change in six
month increments sometimes year
increments because when you're in the
muck of day-to-day journaling or
repeating affirmations in the mirror it
can be hard to really see whether or not
it's working but after you've been at it
for a substantial amount of time when
the opportunity arises
you'll see whether or not you're making
progress so do not be discouraged
because before you know it you will see
the difference I want a relationship
with you and also you and you
[Applause]
[Music]
I'm Anna Akana and they get a care of
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[Music]