>> Dr. Amen: Welcome back.
We want to talk to you today about some of our own stressful experiences so you know
that we know that it’s not only from our professional standpoint but from a personal
standpoint.
>> Tana: We know you’re watching this for a reason and so we’ve both struggled.
Everybody struggled with stress at some point and these are some of the strategies we’ve
used to overcome and we like to teach these strategies.
>> Dr. Amen: So when we first met, we’re on a drive up North and we went through Huntington
Beach because there was too much traffic on the freeway and all of the sudden my heart
stopped because we past >> Tana: Yeah.
You got teary.
I remember that.
>> Dr. Amen: the cemetery where my grandfather was buried.
>> Tana: And I didn’t know what it was at first and I looked at you and you were very
emotional.
>> Dr. Amen: Well, the saddest day of my life was when my grandfather died.
So I was named after him.
He was my best friend growing up.
And I was in medical school when he died and he’d had a heart attack and then he had
another one and then he got depressed.
He was a candy maker and everybody’s friend and all of the sudden this man I looked up
to was sad and would cry and couldn’t sleep.
Looking back on it, what I learned later is 60% of people who have a heart attack will
develop a major depression within the next 18 months and people really weren’t paying
attention to that and for many years, as soon as I would think about his death I would just
start weeping.
You know, I’ve internalized him because now I’m a grandfather but dealing with that
and really working through it was challenging.
You’ve probably lost somebody that you love and what for me that work just so well was
focusing on the joy because my best memories were standing at the stove making fudge and
pralines.
I’m one of seven children.
A lot of people don’t know that and I’m third.
My mother actually had four children in four years.
She was a busy girl and so she would dropped me off in my grandfather’s house and when
she’d come to pick me up I would grab his leg and say, ‘Don’t let the woman take
me,’ because, you know, there, there was attention
>> Tana: Sort of get attention when there’s a bunch of kids running around.
>> Dr. Amen: there was when you’re part of a brood.
>> Tana: So, we should talk about the stress of being one of seven sometime.
It’s like there’s some trauma.
>> Dr. Amen: Well it has its challenges when you have five sisters.
I actually wrote a whole book about it.
>> Tana: Now it’s one of the reasons that I actually love you.
I have to tell you.
He came fully trained and house broken.
There was nothing that stresses this man out when it comes to dealing with women.
So I love your sisters for that.
>> Dr. Amen: So, think about what you’ve lost and how do you deal with it.
I mean for me I anchor my soul really in my relationship with my grandfather but when
I then think of my grandbabies, I know how important that relationship is.
So I use the sadness, if you will, to fuel the connection and I certainly focus on what
I love about him and don’t remember just the depression, although I remember it because
it helps me to be a better psychiatrist.
What about you?
>> Tana: So, I think a lot of people have heard the story about when I had cancer when
I was young and it metastasized and I had to drop out of school and file for bankruptcy
and quit my job.
I became very depressed during that period like we’re not kidding depressed and anxious.
I had no idea what I was going to do with my life and I felt very lost.
I actually had no, literally had no idea what to do but I remember talking to someone very
wise at that time and they said something so profound to me that really helped me.
So there were two things that happened.
Two quick exercises and we actually teach one of them now and I love it.
One of them, so this person said to me, ‘How much responsibility are you willing to take
for the situation?’
And I was stunned because I thought to myself, ‘What do you mean take responsibility.
I have cancer.’
Like how do you take responsibility at 23 years old for getting cancer?
I thought it was such an unfair question but see that’s a victim mentality right there
and without saying that, that’s what this person was trying to point out.
So, he drew a circle on a whiteboard and he’s cut it in half and colored it in one side.
And he said, ‘Are you willing to take 50% responsibility?’
I didn’t ask you if it’s your fault.
I ask you if you were willing to take responsibility for any of it because the word responsibility
means the ability to respond.
It doesn’t mean you have to take blame.
And the minute he said that, he said if you take responsibility for half of this, it means
you have 50% chance of changing it.
You have control over 50% of it to change it and I was stunned.
I just sat there with my mouth open going, oh my gosh.
It was like someone threw water on me and I went, ‘I don’t want anyone having control
over the outcome of my life.
I will take 100% responsibility since it doesn’t mean it’s my fault.’
I sort of got that.
I internalized it and I just immediately took responsibility for my life because it meant
I had the ability to respond because I never want to feel like a victim.
For me, it’s repulsive, that feeling.
And that was one thing.
That was one of the exercises.
The other one is one that we teach and I really love it and it’s an exercise where you’re
literally the fork in the road and you meditate.
So, I really did a deep meditation on this and I wrote it all down.
I mean I journalized for hours and hours like in detail.
If I go down one road, the road I was on and I stayed there, what would my life be six
months from then – my finances, my relationships, everything in my life.
How would I feel?
What would my weight be like?
Where would I be a year from then?
Where would I be five years from then?
Where would I be ten years from then, twenty years from then?
And I remember I was in this meditative state.
When I woke up I was like slumped over.
I was like feeling miserable.
And I thought oh my gosh.
I cannot do that, like I cannot do that and I will be this horrible person but then I
went on the other side of the road.
So I did the same exercise.
If I make these changes, I was very clear about the changes I needed to make, simple
changes but I made the changes and I became a warrior for my health which is what we want
for you watching and I made some simple changes and I went down.
What would it be like six months, a year, five years, twenty years?
And I wrote it down in detail – my finances, my relationships.
Where I would live?
What I would look like?
And I literally, it just snapped me into gear like it was just that powerful.
I was not willing to go down the other road.
>> Dr. Amen: So you have a choice in how you respond to the stress in your life.
I had a choice.
I could be a victim of the sadness.
You could have been a victim of your cancer.
But that’s not what we want for ourselves and it’s clearly not what we want from you.
>> Tana: We want you to be a warrior.
>> Dr. Amen: It’s a great exercise that Tana did.
We call it ‘The Fork in the Road.’
So if you just keep your life where you’re not really thinking about it.
You’re just going along with society has for you, you know whether it’s fast food
or being addicted to another gadget or you know watching hours of hours of TV
>> Tana: Instead of getting up and exercising.
>> Dr. Amen: or going down the brain warrior’s way.
So that’s the street.
We call it the Brain Warrior’s Way where you’re really focused on your health, you’re
focused on what you want and you’re acting out of love – love for yourself and love
for the people you care about.
>> Tana: That’s what we want for you.
We want you to feel empowered with these tools.
So, in fact, why don’t you do this exercise?
So all you have to do think of your life right now, where you’re at.
You can either close your eyes and meditate on it or put some great music on.
You can write it down in detail.
I actually like to do both personally.
So, I like to meditate on it and then really journal it out because for me the active writing
is very powerful.
But stop.
Think about where you are.
Be very clear about the place that you’re in at this moment then think of a road going
to the left.
Okay.
And I want you to write out where you’re life will be in six months, in one year, in
five years, in ten years, in twenty years and be very detailed about what it would be
like – your finances, your weight, your relationships, your career, the house you’ll
live in, your health, everything.
Then come back to where you are now but notice when you’re on that road, notice how you
feel when you open your eyes or when you stop writing.
>> Dr. Amen: So that’s if they don’t really care.
>> Tana: That’s if you’re not making changes.
So when you open your eyes, when you stop the exercise, notice how you feel inside.
It doesn’t feel good.
Then come back to now.
Come back to the fork in the road, notice how you feel, start over and then do the same
exercise.
Write it out, meditate on it or do both like I do and then you want to actually be very
specific going six months, one year, five years, ten years, twenty years down the road
if you go down the brain warrior’s way, if you go down that street and you make the
changes that you know you need to make.
You start exercising.
Do some simple things.
Change your nutrition.
Follow the tips and tools that we’re giving you all along the way.
Just subscribe and follow us.
We’re giving you those tips and tools to become a warrior.
And if you make those changes, notice where you’ll be twenty years from now.
Do that and leave it posted.
Post it for us down below.