yeah give it up for Sean Hayes a lot in
high school everybody ain't heat against
now I am the least known person on this
dais and some people like who the hell
are you gonna tell you who I am I'm the
only person in forty four seasons of SNL
to actually show up for Alec Baldwin ass
[Music]
and for the last time Alec man I am NOT
Michael Chaney stop calling me Dad Blake
you've got the dumbest face you look
like a rhinoceros looking for his own
horn where is that looked it down in
well to wide Cyclops
leg
but let you look like nine different
races all working together to make sure
you never win a championship hey Kayla
you got damn hypocrite you're like
against gay marriage you voted for Trump
you like the auntie time of the trans
community I mean okay
you did open the door for trans people
but then you ran in and slamming that
shut behind your flat ass
I like these jokes Karen that looks like
she leaves her baby in a hot car to meet
firemen
look at you over there looking like
Caitlyn Jenner I got a sex change at a
build-a-bear workshop very progressive
store
Gary progressed Jeff Ross looks like
Caitlyn's old dick coming back to haunt
her
[Applause]
but it leaves it for the Sudan baby
tonight Adam Carolla's here
I don't really tells it like it is if
you're also an insecure white
supremacist I saw you on Dancing with
the Stars girl you got two left hooves
don't you watching Nicki salsa dance was
the worst thing a white person has done
to Puerto Ricans since Trump threw paper
towels at him
robbing in a row baby so I'm gonna be up
here with you men and to follow up on
our conversation backstage no I have not
been on your lawn I don't know where you
live but I do know your ex-wife owns
that house now once you go black you
never go back but you do go broke right
Bobby yeah uooo uooo uooo
Robert man you've given us so many
amazing performances Goodfellas
awakenings but tonight man it's gonna be
the best one yet it's gonna be the old
Italian man trying to figure out trans
pronouns in front of a live studio
audience
[Applause]
speaking of people that cut my screen
time every Saturday night Alec
ball with baby please give
it up right now for this Emmy winning
red faced River Pig give it up mmm
honestly we got a line coming man you
know we both work on Esther now we both
women my age and we both have to
check Instagram and see what show
daughters up to I'm just I'm just trying
to be the first black man in Ireland you
know what I'm talking about
no I thought about she know what I'm
talking about I'm just playing I'm not
the first but Ali once said black people
love him because he plays Trump on SNL
and that is not why we like you Alec we
like you because you have the same eye
color and temperament of every pitbull
that we've loved and had to put down
I miss you Tiki
she used to bark at kids too but
honestly idly man I admire you dog
you've punched paparazzi you've yelled
that cop saying you've lived to tell
about it
and you had me here on this roast that
means a whole lot to me man
you my Alec don't say it back
though do not say it back
[Applause]
[Music]