(gasping)
- What?
No!
- (laughing) Yeah. - No.
- I smoked a whole watermelon!
Hello everybody, my name is Merle,
and today we're going to be making
a smoked ham,
out of watermelon.
So, basically, we're gonna be smoking a watermelon.
But like, before you get all angry at me,
I'm not trying to make vegan food look terrible.
I'm not trying to make it look scary.
I'm just trying to, ya know,
see what substitutes are worth our time
and which ones are just disgusting.
On that note, watermelon is like almost 92% water.
So, can watermelon get meaty?
We'll have to see.
The origin of this smoked ham watermelon
came from Duck's Eatery.
Basically this guy smokes everything
and we wanted to have more vegetarian, vegan options,
so he decided that a watermelon
would be a great replacement for a smoked ham.
Uh, will it?
The idea of using watermelon for smoked ham
has been on the internet for a while now.
I've seen a bunch of different YouTubers cover it
using different recipes, having different reactions.
And that's why I'm so excited today to try it for myself.
At Duck's Eatery,
this smoked watermelon goes for about $75.
That's a lotta doubloons.
So, today I'm gonna try to do the layman's version
and hopefully it's not too hard.
Full disclaimer, this recipe is gonna take a while.
So, don't yell at me for this taking a long time.
(cheerful music)
First thing we're gonna do
is slice off the top and the bottom.
So we've got some flat surfaces to stand this big boy up.
Damn, this thing is heavy.
And then, once we do that,
we're gonna slice off the rind.
So, I'm gonna slice the rind all the way around
so that there is no whiteness left.
All right, we've got the first pass done.
Lookin' good Harold!
That's what I've decided to name this watermelon.
(laughing)
Stop being weird.
No white rind, it should be beautifully pink and smooth.
Wow, check this out!
Harold is bald as a cue ball.
Now, what we're gonna do,
take your very sharp knife, carefully,
and we're going to make incisions diagonally in our ham,
about an inch deep.
Now, do the same thing on the other side.
Okay, wow, that is scored.
Score!
Sorry, low hanging fruit.
Ahhh!
Dry rub time.
The dry rub is gonna infuse the watermelon with flavor,
simultaneously it will also pull out a lotta that water.
'Cause like I said, watermelon is like almost 92% water.
We gotta pull all of that liquid out.
But meanwhile, we also want it
to be getting nice, salty, delicious hamy flavor.
Hamy is the new adjective I've decided is real.
So we got some salt, coconut sugar, chili powder,
smoked paprika, ground cloves, black pepper,
some onion powder and some garlic powder.
Love garlic powder.
Now we are gonna whisk this up
and now it's time to rub down the watermelon.
Make sure you gonna get deep into your cross section.
Now, we need to refrigerate this for 12 hours.
(groaning)
Whoa, check this out guys!
Look that this thing!
This looks meaty as can be!
Previously Harold, this is one that we did last night,
this is technically a different watermelon.
Lucinda, we'll call her.
Lucinda's lookin' shrively.
As you can see the water is pooled up a bit
down at the bottom.
Which is great, it's exactly what we wanted.
So, to make this as smokey as we possibly can,
we're gonna be using hickory chips.
Take these hickory chips and pour some water over them
and then just let them sit for like an hour.
Strain this out, so that only like two tablespoons
of the liquid remains in the bowl.
And I'm just gonna put that directly into my roasting pan.
Then, I'm gonna get my roasting rack.
Now move your ham to the roasting rack.
Time to say goodnight Lucinda.
(scary music)
(cheerful music)
And we wanna cover this tightly.
Okay, we've got the oven preheated
to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.
That's 250 degrees Celsius.
(buzzing)
No it's not, it's 230 degrees Celsius, we got there.
And I'm gonna let it bake for 30 minutes
at that temperature.
And them I'm going to reduce the heat
to 250 degrees Fahrenheit, 120 degrees Celsius.
And we're gonna let it bake for three hours.
This is now the part where you break out "Infinite Jest".
After three hours, I'm gonna go back
and I'm gonna take the foil off,
and then I'm gonna let it bake for three more hours.
And in the meantime I'm going to make
a nice little glaze for her for when she's done.
So first, we're going to combine our oil
with some ginger and garlic.
Now that we've got the garlic and the ginger sizzled up,
we are going to add agave, orange juice,
some more coconut sugar, oh yeah baby!
Some chipotle, and this is,
so again, Worcestershire sauce
or vegan Worcestershire sauce.
Worcestershire sauce?
It's Worcestershire sauce.
I say Worcestershire 'cause I'm from Massachusets
and that's just programmed into my brain
but, Worcestershire.
Just put it in!
There are bigger hills to die on, ya know?
Some mustard and some salt!
Wahoo!
I'm gonna stir all this together.
Ah yes, this glaze is gonna be magnificent.
Okay, so, now that everything is combined,
I'm going to let it stay at kinda like a medium high heat
so it comes to a simmer.
And then once it comes to a simmer
I'm gonna turn the heat back down to medium
and I'm gonna keep stirring it
and let it cook for like 10 to 12 minutes.
Alrighty, so, our glaze is reduced down by about half.
I'll see you guys in like three more hours.
Whoa, check this out!
This is like, touchdown!
Like, through the, I don't know sports, the finish line?
Uh, the quarter line?
What is it called?
End zone, go long!
(whooshing)
That's me throwing the ham.
This looks so awesome, I'm so happy,
I'm excited, I'm hungry!
Anyway, I'll stop freaking everyone out.
Time to glaze.
(humming)
I'm gonna glaze you up, there it is.
And then we will stick it in the oven to broil.
Anywhere from like five to 10 minutes.
Just to get a little more color.
But I'm very excited because it looks so good!
I mean, it can't taste that bad, right?
'Cause it's a watermelon and like,
watermelon's fairly innocent.
Now I'm gonna put you back in to broil,
and then, then it's time to try it, and I'm really excited!
Ah, okay, we're in the home stretch here people!
See, I know sports after all.
It's the moment we've all been waiting for,
it's time to try this ham, watermelon ham.
It looks quite a bit like a cartoon meat.
(triumphant music)
Confused, the only word that comes to mind.
I'm like, is this dessert?
Is this dinner?
Is this an appetizer?
Is this good, is this bad?
I would say it tastes pretty good.
Does it taste like meat?
(laughing) No.
But you know what, it does take on a lot of the
kind of smokey dry rub that we put into it.
I definitely can taste that.
It's much more on the outside.
Once you get to the middle,
it's just straight watermelon from there.
But, you know what, I don't know
if people that don't know it's watermelon
will know that it's watermelon.
I'm very, very excited to see what they think.
I think this'll be the most confused they've ever been.
What do ya think?
- It, it, hmm.
- Is it a glazed ham?
- Mm hmm.
- I do know my foods.
- Well.
Check it out! - Oh wow!
Oh my god, what is that?
- You know me, it's gotta be something weird right?
- I know what it is.
- You do?
- Yeah, I know what it is.
- How do you know what it is?
- You posted it on your Instagram like a stupid person.
- Oh dammit!
You're the only person who checks
my Instagram that aggressively.
- Well you know, I have to keep tabs.
(laughing)
That's a joke.
- No, that can stay in, that can stay in.
- It looks great.
I mean, it's got a nice gloss to it.
- Did you make this?
- Oh yeah.
- Girl, you got a man?
- Mm, nope.
(laughing)
- You want a girlfriend?
- I mean, hey.
- It smells like dirt.
(laughing)
No offense.
- What?
It smells like dirt to you?
- Yes.
- I would say visually it almost looks like raw tuna.
- Why is it like, jiggly like that?
- It looks almost like cranberry-ish.
- The glob?
- Yes, there ya go! - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh my god!
- Right?
It's kinda cool!
- It is cool!
Oh wait, there's seeds!
- (laughing) That's a lot of seeds.
- You know, really get intimate with that thing,
whatever that is.
Ya know what I mean?
Yeah, exactly, get to know it.
- Hi, is this your first time?
Mine too.
(laughing)
- It's very um, wet.
- Is it cold or warm?
- Warm.
(laughing)
- Is that tomato?
What is it?
- I'm gonna let you figure that out.
- I really, really, really don't like that.
- Wow, that's so good.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I can't believe you hate it so much,
other people like it.
- Yeah, Dan told me he liked it.
- Well, I mean it tastes delicious,
like that goes without saying.
It's got like a nice salty, sweet thing going on.
The texture is wild!
- So it's like my mind is trying to rectify
like what I'm seeing versus what I'm tasting.
- You told me you were gonna come
teach me how to cook vegan food.
Please, don't ever come over and teach me this.
- It, like I didn't expect the burst of moisture.
- It's like every bite into it,
comes like a gush of something.
What's gushing?
(laughing)
I can't tell what this is!
- Is that watermelon?
(bell dinging)
- (laughing) Yeah.
(gasping)
- What?
No!
- (laughing) Yeah.
- No! - I smoked a whole watermelon!
- No!
- Yeah!
- No, why?
- Why not?
I wanna know what it tastes like.
- That's not what watermelon's supposed to be.
- You don't like watermelon!
- I know, I don't like this either.
- I mean, I guess it makes sense now that you say it.
That why, like I didn't really question it,
I was just like all right!
- My mind is blown.
My mind is really blown.
- Aw, that makes me so happy. - A watermelon!
- I know.
- It's unsettling, like "Rosemary's Baby".
- Vegetarian wise, you have so precious little
to eat at most places.
If this were on the menu, I'd totally order this.
- Cool, okay great!
Well then, I'm gonna take that as a success.
- Okay.
- Thank you!
- I'll take this.
- Okay great, you can have it.
Right?
(laughing)
Thank you so much.
- Yeah, you know, happy to be here.
- Are you?
(laughing)
- [Aria] Not after that.
(cheerful music)