i was diagnosed with severe eczema allergies and asthma at the age of two months old so all i've
ever known my entire life was illness i learned to scratch my skin before i could walk or talk and my
life was pretty much all about survival all the things i couldn't do all the places i couldn't go
i spent a lot of time in hospitals with doctors who put on latex gloves before they would touch me
they wanted to tie me to a hospital bed to stop me from scratching so it sort of became who i was
very early on i was always extremely ashamed of the way i looked i was covered in eczema
all the time i would have violent reactions to chemicals dogs horses dust everything i felt
guilty because my parents did everything they could taking me to doctors all over the world
just trying their best and yet i was just getting worse by the day
in 2013 i started my first business which was a food business i wrote a cookbook
with free from recipes so i tried to heal myself through food and of course i only got worse
and i did that for a few years feeling like the biggest fraud in the world because i was doing
all these recipes i was advocating a lifestyle that was supposed to help and i didn't look the
part and i did that for a few years getting worse 20 17 i started my next business with a co-founder
and about four months in we got into a legal battle which was traumatic and really sad and so
a year later i was diagnosed with trauma at which point i had stopped sleeping completely i'd never
really slept because i was always scratching myself and sort of just trying to get through the
day but at that point i was covered in eczema from pretty much the knees up and i became suicidal
i didn't really want to go out anymore because i kept looking at people and i never knew if they
looked at me with disgust or what was in their eyes and of course i interpreted in my own way
so i spent a year just not wanting to go i go out anymore at all and the trauma diagnosis
and not sleeping finally sort of tipped me over where i didn't know what to do anymore and i had
tried it already at that point tried everything at that point and so i knew i had to do something but
i didn't know what that was and it felt like it was nothing or going back to the doctors that had
told me i was sick my entire life so i did this decide to change and at the end of 20 to beginning
of night 2019 i decided to stop and i stopped and i started reading books and it took me a year
before i eventually had my first pajama party with dr joe in my living room in london where he popped
up in my youtube feed and so when i saw the first video i know it was what was going to help me and
so i started doing the work and for the first year nothing changed so i did the work whoa whoa whoa
let's not slide over that teaching so you you were getting worse you had a couple events in
your life that caused you to move into that fight-or-flight response your immune system
became more compromised you got more symptoms you felt more out of balance chemically emotionally
physically your body was in a downward spiral and took you pretty much a long time to get
to that point to to get to condition your body to that point so it could actually take some time to
uncondition it yes or no and that process is a is not a linear process because when you look
in the mirror and you see that you haven't changed then you have to make up your mind
if you're still going to do it or not you know and that's that's the that's the
character in the vr headset that's looking for evidence with their senses
so you got to go all in you got to go every day and it becomes about
that change becomes about the beliefs it becomes about the way we speak it becomes about our
responses and our reactions gonna denature that character and it's a biological death
and the fact that she decided not to go anywhere that is such a strong ingredient
for so many people in this work that do actually make up their mind to change they just don't want
to see anybody they want to go anywhere on an attorney text they just need a little bit of time
to decide what they want to change and and perfect example during the pandemic a great opportunity to
really nest and really go in the cocoon and really begin to make those changes and it's a process and
one whole year staying with it 18 months 18 months she could have stopped at 17 months and 29 days
god anyway go ahead i think actually the biggest part of the work i mean i did the meditations
and they were not fantastic by any means i did them but it wasn't like i was out in outer space
but what i did do all day long was listen to my own thoughts so i was alone in my tiny
little apartment and i would quickly realize that i had created it all i just didn't know
i didn't want it and so when i realized what was in my head when every time i looked in the mirror
i said my the voice said you look horrible and then for about a year i was like yep and
then you know i went back to scratching myself and then slowly into that process
i would look myself in the mirror and and the voice would go you look horrible and i was like
no that's not me anymore and so when i started hearing those patterns it changed
and so 18 months passed by and nothing happened i got a lot worse in fact i was working with
a lot of beautiful people some healers and doing all sorts of things but they were very focused on
the issue and so the more aware i became of all my food allergies the worse the symptoms got so all
of a sudden i would have large blood blisters in my mouth and there were all these things happening
just because i was so aware of what i shouldn't be doing but we're anticipating an outcome yeah
and that outcome was far more worse than i could have anticipated 18 months in i started sleeping
for the first time in my life and i still remember the first morning i woke up for the first time in
my life having slept through the night waking up without heart palpitations without stress
like anxiety and thinking why didn't anyone tell me like this is amazing
and so um i wanted to go to a week-long i was scheduled in for one in 2020 in costa brava
that was postponed twice and then cancelled then i was registered into london that was
uh postponed twice supposed to happen later this year and so in the summer last summer i decided
what if i could send an intention whereby i would heal before an event because i don't know
whoa whoa whoa whoa did you don't let that slip by unnoticed by you that's a that's a
decision and there's power in choice when you make it in the present moment that's a big explosion
in the field and that possibility is now in her awareness so now she can do what she could do the
meditations with more intention she can live her life with more conviction more will more passion
now she's now she's got skin in the game no pun intended
so i set the intention and i start seeing myself
up on the stage telling the story about how i healed before i came to an event
and so um a couple months later october last year a few months ago it was as if somebody
had pressed a button and it all just fell off of me and all see that her condition was a blessing
we can all see that she would have never changed if she didn't have that irritation
if she didn't have that condition if she didn't ask herself of do i live like this for the rest of
my life was there some other possibility what did she do she started learning she started learning
information and knowledge and ever all the raw materials of all that new information actually had
her come up with the possibility that she could actually be a integral part of her own healing
imagine that just with a little bit of knowledge a little bit of information
the initiation of that information on her own i know it's difficult to do it on your own i
know meditations can be difficult and but but you stay with it you stay conscious you keep doing it
remind yourself you you don't default back to the whole personality and how many times do we have to
forget and go unconscious until we stop forgetting and start remembering and staying conscious that's
called change and her autonomic nervous system started to regulate and it took a good portion
of her life to keep it dysregulated and that was a very familiar state of being for her
and gracefully and slowly the body begins to follow the mind and it moves out of the past
and she took that body out of the past right into the present moment and every day conditioning the
brain and body to the future over and over again over and over again it would make
sense to us then that the condition still lives in the old personality it still lives in the old
personality she's somebody else she's her future self she became that person it wasn't about
her skin condition changing she started to change it was her change one moment of feedback one night
of sleep and she knew from that point forward what happened she knew it it was a surprise it was an
unknown she didn't expect to sleep through the night she just woke up in the morning
that's all she needed she now she knew she was regulating her autonomic nervous system back
into balance and the autonomic nervous system controls and coordinates all those systems
is what creates balance and health stress is the imbalance of the autonomic nervous system because
of an emergency an alarm she went out of the alarm system and growth and repair sometimes takes time
and sometimes growth and repair is in a linear process but we can stand for her because now it's
a blessing for her and her life she would have never been the person she is today without that
condition and her willingness to get beyond it she is the living example of truth would you agree
i used to think about what it was that was so bad that i had done in a past life
that i deserved this skin condition and all the things that i was struggling with and now standing
here all i can think is how was i so blessed to be part of this community like i'd do it again
you know what
you're in a new life in the same life that was your past life now you're in a whole new life and
there's don't ever let that spiritual mumbo jumbo get to you like you did something wrong in the
last life and we're now you're going to torture yourself what nobody's we don't we're not punished
we're not punished for our sins we're punished by our sins and sin is an attitude that's it
that's it change your attitude change the way you think and feel change that experiment with it
you are beautiful yes tell them what you told me about your shirt
tell them what you told me about wearing what you were going to wear
when you were on the stage the smallest piece of clothing that i own
because i can in a new body in a new life and a whole new future in a whole new time
she got the upgrade she got the upgrade she got the upgrade to the character and the vr headset
new body new environment whole new time thank you so much for doing the work thank you