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Let's dive into today's episode. Hey everybody,
Ken McElroy. So as you guys might know, Blair singer is with me with he's.
One of the regional rich dad advisors. He has multiple books,
team code of honor, little voice mastery, sales dogs, a whole bunch of others.
As a massive training company has got hundreds of trainers all over the world.
He's always, always on a plane. He's always putting on groups.
Right. Welcome. Blair. Welcome.
Yeah, it's good to be here. Thanks Ken. It's great to be on this show.
Thank you. Um, so let's talk. What about what you do because I,
I walk into some of your sales presentations and you're, I mean,
it's like walking into a Tony Robbins event, you know, like it's like,
everybody's all pumped up and everybody's like, you know, they, you know, they,
they all have businesses. Generally.
Most of them are trying to raise money of some sort or trying to, you know,
pull out of something or grow something. And I don't know,
they walk out of there and they're just like so loyal to you, you know,
they're like, you've, you've changed their lives in like two or three days.
How do you do that?
Well, see, you know, in business,
business is pretty simple, right? You set, you, you, you find a customer,
you get provided products, those kinds of things.
But what happens is the reason people don't make money.
And I know for me and my life, when I have not been able to make money or, or,
or grow is because something going on between my ears.
And so there's some sort of resistance. Like everybody,
I always use the analogy that everybody wants to lose weight. Right?
Everybody wants to lose weight. It's not rocket science. You got to eat, right.
Exercise, drink water. Don't put crappy stuff in your body. Right. But know why?
So people, why are so many people overweight because of some,
there's a resistance going on inside. So what I do in the program,
I'm just hunting for the resistance. And when I find it, I jump,
we jump on it and blow it out.
And I continue to do that and can continue to throw people into
exercises where they have to sell. They have to build something.
They had to pull teams together, whatever.
And the results that they create are magical because there's no,
no more resistance,
at least in that moment until the little voices start closing back in.
And so the goal of the program is to give people enough of experience of their
success and their brilliance, that then when they leave,
then they go out and crush it.
So one of the things that, I mean, I've obviously studied with you before,
and we've done a lot together and you've,
you've come into our company and done some things that,
one of the things you did early on that really stuck with me was the high
emotions yield, low intelligence. And I always think about that.
It actually helps me a lot because when I'm fired up, but what's happens,
you know, it doesn't matter if I'm sitting there talking to my kid or, you know,
my I'm in a relationship or even at work with somebody, uh, you know,
and you talked a lot about this on your YouTube channel, you know,
high emotions, equal low intelligence. And, and, and I always tell people,
I go fighting like physically is like the lowest form of communication.
You know, you know, it's hard. Like, you know,
like you get a fire and I got people that immediately go read like Robert
Kiyosaki, as you know, you know, he fights us all the time. Right.
So how do you, what do you mean by this? And how do you get control of it?
Well, you're, you're, you're spot on with it. I mean,
your description of it is perfect. I mean, high emotion, low intelligence.
I mean, and if you don't know what the, what we're talking about,
think about the last time that you said something to somebody when you were
angry. And I just going to ask you honestly, to think to yourself,
if I ever made a good decision or said anything worthwhile when I write in the
middle of being angry and the answer is probably no, no, you don't.
Because the way you're, I'm not going to get into the physiology,
but the way your brain works, when you get into anger,
it basically bypasses the higher order,
thinking of your brain and you just go into a primal mode. And so,
and by the way, that's not just anger. It's infatuation too.
It's like how many of you have ever fallen in love? And remember,
those days you'll fall in love. And it's like every day the world is broke,
right?
Especially if you've kind of talked to anybody like that.
Right. And your buddies are saying to you, what are you thinking? Do,
what are you doing? Why are you throwing your life away right now?
Because your emotion was high and your logic was low.
So that's something that I learned a long time ago in negotiating.
And sometimes a shrewd negotiator will do their best to get you
upset in the middle of the negotiation so that you will not make a good
decision. So it's really, really important to understand how to that,
that a, that that's happening. Be to have the presence of mind,
to shut it down for a second,
to get some air before you make any kind of decisions or make any kind of
moves.
So what are some of the things that you do to control your emotions?
Like let's say you're in a massive negotiation of some sort and, you know,
we've all been there. It doesn't really matter what it is.
It could be a car could be a TV, could be a girlfriend, boyfriend. It could be,
it doesn't really matter. Like, but you know, like, you know how like,
you're like, oh, I don't like that person, you know?
And you make some bad decisions, you know, what,
what are some of the things that you do in that moment that people could do
today?
Okay. Well, there's two parts. There's the stuff in the moment.
So let's cover that first. So the stuff that you would do in the moment,
at least for me is first of all, you've got to be able to catch yourself.
You've got to say, whoa, my, I am so angry right now.
So the minute you can see it, you can be awareness is number one.
I'm angry right now, angry right now. Okay. Second thing is,
is then if you're in the negotiation, you're actually talking to somebody,
do your best to detach from it. Get objective about it.
Go curious. That's what I do. So I go "really?".
What do you mean by go curious?
What do you mean by going curious? What do you mean--
exactly, but that's it, that's it,
you just start asking some questions very objectively as if you're not even in
the conversation. Okay. Because that will,
because one of the reasons that you're so angry or so emotionally attached
attachments, the issue. So if you can detach, get rid of the attachment,
the emotion will ultimately go down and breathe through it a little bit. I mean,
long-term, you know, it's like,
you'll find that there are certain people that get you more upset than other
people on a regular basis. Right. Um, and so why is that?
And then you see that's, that's the cause for, for getting good coaching,
going to somebody to say, look, every time I deal with Ken,
Ken just really gets me really riled. I'm only kidding. Right. But,
but what is it about that? And to understand this too,
about all this personal development stuff,
it's all predicated on one thing can, and that is this.
You have got to be willing to say to yourself that I take complete
100% responsibility for my reaction. It's never,
ever, ever. I know some people might not agree with this,
but it's never ever about the other person. It's never about them.
They just show up, they trigger something over here that gets you riled up.
Okay. That same person comes to Ken. And Ken laughs at him, I get upset.
He lasts. So it's not the person it's me.
So how do I unplug that? And what am I so attached to?
You know, Robert always says, uh, when you argue with an idiot,
you have two idiots.
That's right. But as the Robert also says, he says, you know,
the world sends us these crazy people, these jerks to make us better,
because what happens is that's an opportunity then for me to grow up a little
bit and to unplug better. Because if it's, if it's bothering me here,
I guarantee you is bothering me in other areas of my life too. Yeah.
That's a really, really good point. So, okay. So, uh,
we got to take a quick break Blair. That's all right.
We'll be right back with Blair singer after the Sprank.
And I'm gonna also give you one tip that I use in all my
negotiations, right after we get back.
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That's get.northone.com/ken. Now back to the show.
Welcome back, Blair, welcome back. How are you?
Hi, great man. It's good to be back.
Good. So we're talking about, uh, high emotions, uh, yield,
low intelligence and, and we just had some fun talking about that,
but what I really want to talk to you about is the one thing that I learned
early on and I, it might've been from you. I can't remember exactly,
but the person that's asking the question is in control.
And you know, we just kinda talked about this, the first half of this, you know,
can you talk a little bit about that?
Because what happens is whenever I feel like I'm outmatched or which is
almost all the time when I'm talking to a woman, you know, I just ask questions,
you know what I mean? Like I just love like, okay, okay.
How am I going to get out of this? Because it's basically a trap, right?
So I just, I just keep asking questions when I ask questions,
man, I'll tell you what it works. Right.
So could you talk a little bit about that?
Sure, sure, sure, sure. You know, and this is basically it,
this is th this is one of the number one rules of sales is the person that asked
the question is always in control of the conversation always. Okay.
So like when we teach people how to in our sales programs,
how did I handle objections? You know, it's about, it's about asking questions,
just keep asking questions. So you get to the truth. So that's part of it.
But the reason this works is like you said, it takes you out of it. It takes,
you're not so attached into delivering.
I gotta get my fricking point across. Great.
To give you a break to think. Right? Toss a question back.
Back. That's right.
And keep asking questions and ask questions from the perspective of be an
interested like the other person's upset too. You go, Ooh.
They're really interested. Wow. That person's really upset. I wonder why.
So what are you so upset about? Tell me more about that. Why did that happen?
How come, how do we go? How do we fix that? You know? And by that time,
after about three or four questions, your emotions come down quite a bit.
And the other, person's just if using, if using, if using,
allowing this stuff to flow off and now, like you said,
he can bring the emotion down, you can have a sane conversation.
You cannot have talk sets to a crazy person. Just not possible.
Think about it. You can't. So what you got to do,
the questions are kind of like pulling the plug out of the balloon and
allowing the pressure to cease a little bit.
Are there some techniques that you use to try to, uh, you know,
like when you are speaking to an emotional, emotionally charged person,
what are some of the things that you do to try to calm that down?
Yeah. Well, one of the things you said is asking questions. So,
and one of the other things,
the other big thing is the word acknowledgement is to acknowledge.
So for example, in somebody goes,
if I'm in a program and somebody stands up and I go,
you have no idea what you're talking about,
what my first word out of my mouth would be. Thank you. And then it was like,
you know what, thank you. I go, yeah. You know, thank you for the feedback.
Why would you say that? Good. Thank you. Appreciate that.
Why are you saying that? So again, it's acknowledgement. Thank you.
Acknowledgement. Thank you. Acknowledgement. Thank you. So what's happening?
Subliminally is you keep nagging, they're attacking, you,
you're keep thanking them. And they're like,
it's kinda like messes with their brain, right? It really, it totally does.
And if you do, and the other thing is to model. If you can,
a presence of mind, if you can model the behavior you expect out of them,
that also helps. So thank you. So why,
why do you feel that way? But you know,
it's your call and so what will happen is ultimately you'll get back
into sync. It's really that it's really that simple.
Great nuggets there, man. So, all right.
So let's talk about what it's like to be present. Now.
I know we've studied a lot around this cause it's super difficult for
me and I, you know, as you guys, so this is the,
this is for the ADD person, you know, like, uh, you know,
if you're bouncing all over the place and, and you tell somebody, Hey,
I juggle all kinds of stuff. I, you know, I can, I can be on the phone,
beyond my computer, be texting somebody and watching TV all at the same time.
And I know exactly what's going on. I'm here to tell you,
it just isn't the case. So we, we actually had,
we had to dive into this presence, what is being present.
Okay. So presence quite simply is,
is shutting the chatter down in your mind. That's it?
I mean, it's really just being able to obtain a play,
get into a space where your brain just shuts up
for a couple of seconds or, or a couple of minutes, if you can. Um, I pray,
you know, right now for the last,
almost year now I'm getting tutored by a Buddhist monk. Okay.
And every, and every Monday we sit down and we meditate. And the whole goal,
the reason I don't recommend this for everybody, the reason,
the whole goal is to be able to shut your mind down
for a second, because it's kind of like the way it was described to me.
If you looked at your brain like, like a river,
a muddy river, so you don't even know what's below the surface. Right.
And you're trying to make decisions and it's all murky.
It's all turned up and you can't see. But if you look,
if you go to the Caribbean to a beautiful crystal clear lagoon,
you can see 30, 40 feet down, you know exactly what's there.
And both of those are images of your brain, a clear mind and a cloud in mind.
So which one are you going to make the best decision for?
Obviously the clear one.
So it's about being able to use whatever technique you want to just be
able to shut it down a little bit.
Yeah. Wow. So I didn't know. You could,
what are you zooming with a Buddhist monk? Is that right?
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it is. It's awesome.
I need to figure that out. I'm going to,
I'll call you after this because I think that's great. And basically it's,
it's somebody you guys, like, I was talking to a doctor earlier today.
He's like, you know, how do you know so much in real estate? I go,
it's just like being a doctor. Like, who are you going to put your money with?
You know, is it going to be somebody that you just met, uh, that,
that maybe has done it for a year? I mean,
you guys know like w or who do you look up to in a doctor's
practice? You know, somebody that's got 20,
30 years experience and it's the same in real estate.
And it's the same with this.
If you're going to somebody and you don't know how to do it,
just find somebody like this that knows how to do it. And trust me,
you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna learn so much. It's like,
it's like Radha Gopalan. And when we talked to him, he just blows my mind.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so I figured, uh,
a Buddhist monk that's been meditating, um,
10 hours a day for 15 years might know something about it. Yeah.
I know that crazy. I know. Oh, good. Well, we'll, uh,
I definitely am going to get that info from you. So guys, uh, uh, Blair, thanks.
We're going to jump over to our premium bonus question,
and we're going to head over to the premium website for the bonus question for
those of your premium. So thanks for continuing to listen, Blair. Thanks again,
buddy. I appreciate your time, your wisdom. Uh,
I know you're healing and helping lots and lots of people,
especially during this pandemic. And, uh, let's, let's keep changing things.
All right, man. Thank you so much for having me good chatting with you, buddy.