Hi my name is Natasha
I'm 18 and I have suffered from depression,
anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder.
These still affect me sometimes but I'm much better
at identifying and coping with them now.
My mental health illnesses started when I was
only young. My dad and older sister
were in a car crash when I was seven
which was the start of my post traumatic stress disorder.
I also witnessed my father being abusive towards my mother
and had a close childhood friend pass away when I was in primary seven.
I've actually repressed quite a lot of the memories and emotions
surrounding these events but I know that they were not happy times
and that was when my mental health issues started.
My mental health was at its worst when I was in
S2 and 3, following my parents' separation.
As I was attempting to maintain a relationship with my father, even though I didn't trust him
and didn't approve of the way he'd treated my mother.
I must point out that he never abused me
he was just quite harsh and strict as a parent.
I decided in S3 to stop having contact with my dad
and that was a very hard and scary decision to make.
But also liberating to know that I was able to be in control for once.
At the time I was unaware that I suffered from any kind
of mental health illnesses.
It was only around the time when I was in S4 when I started speaking to my mum
more about it and learning about different mental health illnesses at school and online
that I realised that I was a sufferer.
My friends other than the close ones that I discussed my problems with
probably wouldn't have identified that I was unhappy at the time.
As I was often cheery
and full of energy while at school,
as that was how I wanted to be seen and it became a break from my mental illnesses.
I didn't want people to judge me for what I was going through
or treat me any differently once they knew about my past.
I'm very grateful for my friends for being there for me and not judging me.
Throughout my years suffering I tried many different ways of coping
and dealing with my mental health illnesses.
I tried going to counselling and seeing a homeopath and getting a homeopathic remedy
which is essentially a natural alternative to antidepressants.
However the things that helped me most were speaking to my guidance teacher
who I luckily got on very well with
and speaking to my mum and sisters.
I'm aware that not is everyone is as lucky as I was
and is not able to speak to their family or guidance teacher.
For those of you who feel that way I would recommend looking up
help services in your area as there is a lot of help out there for young people who suffer
from mental illnesses.
Although there could definitely be a lot more.
There are online chat lines and support groups if you don't feel comfortable speaking to
somebody in person.
I know it can be very scary to open up to someone about the way that you're feeling
but I promise that getting everything off your chest really does help a lot.
I've been told recently to never apologise for the way I feel and I wish I'd been told
that when I was younger
because I was constantly feeling like I shouldn't feel low or upset when actually I did have
reason to feel that way.
I would also recommend finding something positive to focus on.
I know a lot of young people turn to things like drugs and alcohol and self harm
when suffering from mental health issues.
For me I learnt to play guitar
and put all my energy into playing guitar and singing.
I also found that it helped me a lot to get away from people and technology
and go for a walk to clear my head when I felt down or anxious.
I would like anyone watching who's been through similar things to know that it does get better.
For me I've improved so much since I left school as I no longer have the pressures
that come with high school
for example friendships and exams.
I always said that once I was in a happier place I would attempt to see my dad again
but now that I am in a happier place I don't feel ready to put myself back into a vulnerable
position
and put my mental health at risk again.
I can now say that I am quite happy with the person that I am today
and I wouldn't change my past as it's my experiences that have made me who I am today.
And I quite like who I am
which I think is a very important revolution for me
and anyone else suffering with mental health illnesses.
Being able to say I like who I am
and I am proud of what I have accomplished
Thank you.