- LAST YEAR DURING THE HOLIDAYS,
MARTHA STEWART STOPPED BY
TO SHOW ME HOW TO MAKE SOME CRAFTS.
AND I WANTED TO PAY ATTENTION,
BUT JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS AND JULIA ROBERTS WERE HERE,
AND THE JULIAS WERE CAUSING A LOT OF TROUBLE.
HEY, MARTHA.
- YOU'RE A BUNCH OF LITTLE SCHOOLGIRLS.
- YEAH, WE REALLY ARE.
WE'RE UP TO NO GOOD.
WE'RE UP TO MISCHIEF AND--
ARE YOU PUTTING GLASSES ON?
- I'M PUTTING GLASSES ON.
I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING ANYMORE.
- NO, YOU BETTER WEAR GLASSES,
'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA USE ELECTRIC--
- I'M PUTTING THESE ON,
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LOT OF IDEAS IN YOUR HOLIDAY ISSUE,
YOUR MAGAZINE.
- SO MANY. - SO MANY IDEAS.
AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP US WITH SOME TODAY.
- AND ON THE WEBSITE TOO.
YOU CAN GO, AND YOU CAN ACTUALLY LEARN HOW TO MAKE THESE TODAY.
- TREES? - YES.
YOU'LL PLANT THEM FIRST.
- WE'RE GONNA MAKE THOSE LITTLE REINDEER.
- ARE YOU CLEANING MY GLASSES?
- NO, I JUST HAVE SOMETHING--
- YOU'RE USING MY SWEATER TO CLEAN YOUR GLASSES?
- NO, MY PROTECTIVE GOGGLES.
- I JUST WILL SAY THAT I'M VERY SCARED.
I'LL JUST SAY THAT RIGHT NOW.
- OH, OKAY.
WELL, I WOULD THINK YOU WOULD KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING
AT THE FARM.
- SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- OH, I JUST THOUGHT-- - RIGHT?
- NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. I KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING.
[laughter]
- I THOUGHT YOU KNEW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING.
SO THIS IS A DRILL, OKAY?
CORDLESS DRILL. - YUP.
- OKAY, NOW PRESS THIS LITTLE THING.
IT GOES LIKE THAT. - IT'S SO MUCH FUN.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
- AND, NOW, THE WHOLE IDEA IS NOT TO GET IT ON YOUR HAND.
THIS OTHER HAND.
DO YOU HAVE TO HOLD THIS SECURELY.
- OH, MY GOD, THIS IS A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
- YEAH. - [laughs]
I ACTUALLY PREDRILLED.
YOU CAN JUST DRILL THEM A LITTLE BIT MORE.
- THANKS. - JUST TO GET--
- YOU KNOW, I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU,
BECAUSE YOU HAVE THIS THING--
- OOPS. LOOK AT THAT.
- NOTHING'S WORKING.
- THAT'S NOT GOOD. - NO.
- MARTHA, YOU KNOW YOUR THANKSGIVING SPECIAL
WHERE YOU WENT INTO THE CRANBERRY BOG?
- OH, YES. OH, IT WAS SUCH A FUN PLACE.
HAVE YOU EVER DONE THAT?
- [laughs]
SURE, YEAH.
UM, I WATCHED THAT SPECIAL, AND IT RUINED MY THANKSGIVING,
'CAUSE IT WAS SO-- YOU WERE SO BRILLIANT.
EVERYTHING YOU DID WAS SO PERFECT.
IT LOOKED SO GORGEOUS THAT AFTER MY MOM AND I WATCHED IT,
WE SAID, "YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT."
- LOOK AT THIS. SHE'S DOING IT.
SHE'S DOING IT. - NEVER MIND.
[laughter]
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
EVERYBODY CAN DO EVERYTHING IF YOU JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
- SHE FIXED HER OWN DRILL JUST NOW.
IT BROKE, AND YOU FIXED IT. - I DID.
- OH, JESUS.
- SO THEN THESE HOLES ARE FOR YOUR LEG.
- UM...
- I GOT A PROBLEM.
- TURN IT ON. - I GOT A PROBLEM.
- TURN ON THE DRILL. - OH!
- YEAH, SEE? - WAIT.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, SHE-- IT HAPPENED TO HER TOO.
- SAME THING. TURN THE DRILL ON.
BUT HOLD THAT. DON'T--HOLD THAT, AND THEN--
- OH! - MARTHA?
- THEY TOLD ME YOU KNEW HOW TO DO ALL THIS STUFF.
- WE KNOW HOW TO DO NOTHING.
[laughter]
- YOU KEEP MOVING ON. WHAT ARE WE MAKING NEXT?
- OKAY, CAN--
- 'CAUSE LET'S GET TO THE MOST DANGEROUS SAW OF ALL.
- OH, YES, NOW, WHO'S USED ONE OF THESE RADIAL ARM--
- YOU HAVE. YOU SAID YOU DID EVERYTHING.
- THESE ARE NOT SO HARD TO DO.
- [gasps] DON'T TURN IT ON, MARTHA.
[Julias screams]
- AND EVEN THOUGH--
[applause]
I STILL CAN'T GET A HUSBAND, JULIA.
- YOU CAN'T? - I CAN'T GET A HUSBAND.
I KNOW HOW TO USE RADIAL ARM SAWS AND EVERYTHING.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.
I CAN'T HELP YOU.
I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO GET INTO THAT CRANBERRY BOG, SO...
[laughter] - OKAY.
- BUT THIS IS A VERY HANDY TOOL TO HAVE IF YOU--
EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE ONE AT HOME.
- OKAY.
- YOU DON'T HAVE ONE AT YOUR FARM?
- NO, I DON'T HAVE THE FARM ANYMORE.
- DON'T TURN IT ON AGAIN.
- OKAY, THERE. HOLD IT THERE.
NOW, YOU HOLD-- YOUR HAND STAYS HERE.
- THIS IS WHEN JOKES GO BAD.
- ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
AND THEN YOU SQUEEZE IT. - [screams]
- OH, GOD.
- AND SHE LOOKS VERY PROFESSIONAL.
[cheers and applause]
EXCELLENT. - GREAT.
- AND SO THIS IS WHAT-- LOOK, JULIA.
THIS IS THE OBJECT. LOOK.
- OH, LOOK AT THAT.
- THEY'RE MAKING THE WREATH OUT OF WOOD.
- YEAH, OUT OF LITTLE--
THESE ARE LIKE THE TRUNKS OF THE TREES THAT YOU'VE--
- VERY CUTE.
- AND YOU JUST GLUE EVERYTHING ON
WITH A HOT GLUE GUN.
- THAT YOU'VE GROWN FROM SEEDLINGS.
- YES, OF COURSE. - ALL RIGHT.
- AND YOU JUST USE THE HOT GLUE,
AND THEY GO ON RIGHT LIKE THAT.
AND YOU JUST KEEP GOING AROUND THE ENTIRE--
- THAT'S ADORABLE. THAT'S FANTASTIC.
- I CAN THINK OF AT LEAST A HUNDRED USES FOR THIS.
- I--OKAY, WELL, MAYBE SOME OF THEM,
YOU SHOULD KEEP TO YOURSELF, BUT YEAH.
- 'CAUSE THAT'S A LOT.
[cheers and applause]
THOSE TWO GIRLS.
THOSE TWO.