In today's video i wanted to talk about how to get along with all the types on the Enneagram the best
way to get along with them so the holidays are here it's supposed to be the most joyful time
of the year is that how this goes i'm not even for sure okay i think this should be over here
but let's be honest it's not always that joyful getting together with all different
types of personalities now i do know this year is gonna look a little different for
all of us um it might not be huge gatherings and get-togethers because of you know the state of
um what's going on but you more than likely are gonna be with your immediate family the people
that you live with and you might even be doing zooms with other family members or techs are
going back and forth you're having to buy gifts for people and in all of that i still think there
are tips that i can share to help you get along better understand each other better
understand each other's why behind why we're doing what we're doing so what i'm teaching today should
help no matter what the holidays look like for you this year so i can't wait to dive into the tips
um covering all types today but first if you're new here i'm Hillary, your Certified Enneagram
Life Coach and if you are new to this channel i teach the enneagram in the simplest way possible
if this is something you're interested in then hit that subscribe button down below alright
so i think i'm gonna wear this hat the whole time hopefully it looks okay and if it doesn't oh well
who cares tis the season right but let's go ahead and start with the perfectionist the type one the
thing i want you to know about the type 1 is they are extremely hard on themselves they tend to take
on a lot of responsibility and their fear is that they are not good enough understanding their why
can help us get along with them better i have five things today to help with this the first one being
take their concerns about things seriously it's serious to them and so it will really help them if
you take them seriously the second thing is make sure to highlight the good that you see in them so
that they can see it too the third thing is if you are wrong about something ask them for forgiveness
apologize this goes a really really long way with a type one the fourth thing is a lot of times
ones are the ones that are the planners they're planning everything and so if you can help them
uh with something like this uh any of the things that they're planning that will mean a lot to them
and sometimes just helping looks like listening even if you come alongside them and they're like
tell me all your plans tell me what it's gonna look like just listening can be helpful for them
it really lets them know that you're valuing what they're doing and number five is encourage them
to lighten up and have fun you know they when they are relaxed and doing well they're moving towards
a healthy side of the seven and so encourage them to lighten up a little and have fun when they can
okay so let's move on to the type 2 the helper what's the why behind why the type 2 does things
twos can struggle to believe that they're loved and wanted apart from what they do for you they
always want other people to feel very well cared for and loved but they sometimes forget that
they need that too the five things to help you understand a two and get along better with them
are number one they are probably doing a lot around the holidays make sure to tell them that
you appreciate everything that they are doing and ask if they need help now they're probably going
to say no they're probably going to be like no no i got it all but just asking can go a long way for
a type 2. the second thing is they if you guys are having a conversation they're always going
to try and focus on you and ask you how you're doing and get to know you better but don't let
the conversation only be about you refocus it back to them ask them what are their interests how are
they doing try and get them to stop focusing only on you and have it be more a two-way conversation
the third thing is let them know how important they are see something say something see something
good say something about it don't just think it say it to them they need those words they need
words of encouragement number four surprise them with quality time and gifts this they i feel like
the two is constantly giving both of those things so every once in a while it's great if they get
that surprise and surprise them with quality time and gifts the fifth thing for the type
two is remind them to take care of themselves too it's so important that they are reminded like hey
you gotta take care of you sometimes um when i'm coaching the two i have to word it in the way of
if you take care of you you can take up you can take care of others even better because they're
so focused on taking care of others they have the sweetest hearts but they need to know that
taking care of them does take care of us too okay so let's move on to the type threes the
achievers so what is driving those type threes they think they must accomplish and succeed in
order to earn love it's so important for you to tell them that you love and care for them
regardless of what they're accomplishing the accomplishments are great don't don't get me wrong
you know they they do they actually do need you to you know tell them they're doing a good job that's
a great thing don't withhold that for them but always just make sure they know even without that
their value is still the same so how can we relate and get along better with that type three the
first thing i will say is encouragement encourage them when you see them being truly who they are
their authentic self encourage that behavior you know let them know that you see it and you love
it and you love them for just who they are the second thing is holidays can be hectic especially
for that type three so help them keep their environment harmonious and peaceful i know that
you would think like oh i would think that's for type nine but actually type threes need that too
the third thing is negative emotions negativity can really bother a type three they actually will
hear the negativity and sometimes instantly be negative it'll kind of like disrupt their mood
and so if if you do need to be constructive in some way with them um bring it to them in a more
positive way instead of a negative way if that makes sense because negativity really instantly
brings them down and upsets them the fourth thing is tell them that you enjoy being around them that
goes a long way with a type three and the last thing number five if they are working try and
give them the space that they need and the time that they need in order to finish the work that
they are working on disrupting them will cause them to lose focus so you know they they do enjoy
their jobs a lot of times and let them finish what they're doing and so that they can relax
and enjoy the holidays with you okay so let's move on to the type fours are romantic individualists
these are the ones that bring such a unique depth and beauty to the world authenticity and
meaningful experiences are so important for type 4 so what's the best way to understand them and
get along with them better well the first thing i would say never try and change them they need
you to truly accept them and be empathetic and loving to them seeing them what they might have
a hard time seeing in themselves because sometimes they feel like something's missing in them um but
we know it's not and so see that in them see how truly special they are and tell them so number two
is they may have a lot of emotions especially around the holidays there's lots of people
and things and different things going on and just give a type for the space and time to feel their
emotions and to process through them the third thing is give them authentic compliments but don't
flatter them they can smell flattery out guys they don't want fake compliments coming their way
those authentic ones do mean a lot to them though the fourth thing is do not tell them
that they are overreacting or too sensitive this kind of goes along with i think number two and
allowing them to have feelings and sort them out so don't tell them they're being overly dramatic
or anything like that that will really hurt their feelings and one thing that i actually love about
fours is they aren't afraid of their feelings they will just work through them they get to
the other side number five the last one for the type four they have gifts of intuition and vision
and creativity value this in them value that they have a good intuition they have these gifts
make sure to let them know that you see them and that you value them okay so the type five
the observer so the holidays can be uh tough for the type five sometimes it's a lot of people it's
a lot of intrusion right and one of their fears is intrusion and people taking up all their time and
so definitely the the fives can have a harder time with this the five they are that observer
they're very perceptive they are the ones that make really good wise decisions based on facts
and reason but they can feel like life demands way too much of them and especially around the
holidays so what are the five things that can help you understand the type five better and get along
with them better well the first one give them time to process their thoughts and feelings again it's
similar to the four but for them they're not going to process them in person so if you're
talking to them and they're they're going to hear what you're saying the but the five more than
likely will go to a quiet place to process their thoughts and feelings allow that and don't come
out the type five like a bulldozer with all these expectations of them you know like some people me
included we're excited the holidays are here yay but we can't have that same expectation for other
types and especially the type five don't be like oh my gosh i'm excited so you should be happy too
it doesn't work that way they are excited but in their own way so moving on to the second thing if
they seem distant or not paying attention it actually might be because they're just
uncomfortable they are pretty private people and so they're not trying to be rude or like
oh i'm too good or anything like that it's just sometimes they just might purely be
uncomfortable the third thing is make them feel important but don't be overly intense right don't
be like oh my gosh you're so amazing i just i just want to talk to you and get them you know whatever
i don't know that might scare them away so they need calmness and sincerity so be calm and sincere
when you make them feel important the fourth thing for the type five is they appreciate directness
but make sure it's a safe place if you're gonna be direct and just give them space the fifth and
final thing to get along with the type five is talk about things that they're interested in too
you might be in over your head because some of the things that the fives want to talk about like for
me it's like oh my gosh that's like so in-depth and so smart and i don't know knowledgeable and
sometimes i feel like it's it is going over my head but that's okay even for the five they're
gonna want to explain it to you they will break it down for you and help you understand but don't
only talk about things that you're interested in get into their world too okay so let's move on to
the type six the loyalists are reliable faithful hard-working type six now the six struggles with
fear and uncertainty they are hyper aware and they always want to avoid danger or sometimes
challenge it head-on actually depending on what uh subtype you are in as a type six but i would
imagine no matter what type of six you are counter or counter counterphobic six the holidays can be a
little bit more stressful for you so how can we understand them and get along with them better
the first thing i would say don't require them to be optimistic just because it's the holidays
that's a lot of pressure listen to them hear their thoughts and perspectives you don't have to agree
with them but listening patiently is really good for the type six and they appreciate that what's
the second thing be a safe place to for them to share their concerns without them feeling judged
for maybe if they have anxiety or whatnot be that safe place for them you know those sixes they can
have a doubting mind so be the safe place that they feel comfortable talking to you about what's
going on with them the third thing is laugh and make jokes with them you know have a good time
with them they will love that the fourth thing is now they might actually procrastinate buying gifts
and it's not because they're lazy or like i'll get to that later for them it has more to do with
making the wrong decision so let them off the hook there so don't get offended if it's like a last
minute thing and not that it would because i don't necessarily think they're big procrastinators but
i'm just saying if they're having a tough time making a decision that's why and that's something
that you can understand about them the fifth thing is be gentle and supportive if you want
to ask them to try something new you know they do want to do new things but they are more cautious
and so just be gentle and supportive when asking them to do and try new things okay so number seven
the enthusiast the joy bomb on the enneagram they radiate positivity and happiness but internally
they are longing for more and they struggle with FOMO fear of missing out sad emotions are hard for
them being bored is a huge fear for them so what can we do to get along better with them and to
meet them on their level the first thing i would say is give them freedom don't tie them down with
lots of to-do lists and responsibilities even holiday ones might feel overwhelming to them and
so appreciate about them that they do need freedom it's not like they can't do responsibilities and
stuff like that but don't like bog them down with them that'll be hard for them the second thing
appreciate their stories their big visions of life appreciate it listen laugh and enjoy it with them
they really really would appreciate that the third thing is don't be too needy or too clingy
that definitely can be hard for the type seven the fourth thing is if any issues or concerns do come
up because obviously that will definitely happen try and bring positivity to the issue have a plan
of action when talking to him about it instead of just being upset or even negative about it
and the fifth and final thing for the type seven is do not expect them to be less than who they are
we don't want them to tone it down we want to love them just for who they are okay so let's
move on to the type eight the challenger are big hearted confident leaders they feel like
they always have to be invincible not show any vulnerability they fear weakness in themselves
but what's their why what's the best way to get along with them without needing them to change the
first thing i would say is never gossip about them this will betray their trust and they do not give
this away easily the second thing is they often speak in a more assertive way don't think it's too
much too aggressive too in your space or personal in any way more than likely it's not personal at
all that's just how they speak the third thing is they are doers they will get the job done no
matter what whether it's something mundane for the holidays or shopping for presents or anything like
that they're gonna get the job done but they need us to tell them that we see them we appreciate
everything that they're doing no need to flatter them but just tell them that you're thankful for
them the fourth thing is be vulnerable with them first sometimes you going first allows them to
feel more comfortable and it'll help them to know that they can be vulnerable too but make sure you
keep it just between you two keep that a safe place and the fifth and final one for the type
eight is just because they look angry or come across angry does not mean they are angry goodness
guys okay you guys know i'm a type nine married to a type eight and a lot of times i do think he
looks angry and uh and over the years we've been married 21 years so i've learned but uh early on
in our marriage i just always was like why are you so angry and he literally would look at me shocked
and go i'm not angry at all and so it kind of goes piggybacks off of the they are assertive and they
are aggressive um that's okay that's just who they are and so don't assume that they are angry if
they look angry more than likely they're actually not i can't tell you i would say say there's 10
times that i've asked my husband like are you angry maybe one of the ten was he actually angry
okay so the last one the type nine the peacemaker myself they are our peaceful mediators i and i'm
gonna speak from personal experience the holidays can be rough on me and for a whole host of reasons
and when i think about it i think one of the big ones for me the type nine is family you
know you've got family from all different places even if you're not seeing them in person it still
could feel chaotic and like you're trying to keep the peace with everybody you know you might get
a you know i have my phone right here and you get a text from so and so and they're like hey
you know this this this and this and you're like oh yeah it sounds great and then you get another
text and they say something and it's opposite of what the other person said and then you're
like trying to make them happy and trying to make them happy and then you're like i don't know what
to do and so and then all of a sudden we can become passive and go i can't do anything at all
so i'm not gonna answer anything and those type nines they are gonna try and make everybody happy
but they are self-forgetting when they do that so how can we relate to them and get along with the
type nine the first thing i'm going to say is say you are in a bigger family there are a lot
more people whether like i said no matter you know in person not in person whatever that is
they're going to be bigger personalities and a lot of time the nine is gonna let the bigger
personalities talk first show up first anything right they're gonna kind of just wait their turn
and unfortunately sometimes the nine doesn't even get a turn because they were so quiet and then
you know you move on to the next thing so what i'm saying for you how to get along with them better
give them space to talk listen well and don't talk over them that's really important for the
type nines the second thing is the type nines they do like to listen and be of service make
sure that that doesn't get taken advantage of the third thing is show them tell them that their
voice matters that their presence matters their opinions matter um they do need to hear that the
fourth thing is encourage the nine to be bold and confident and show up and really bless everyone
with their presence that's super important for the nine and the fifth and final thing the nine they
hate conflict you guys know it's a core fear of the nine they don't mind a good discussion
but they will dance around anything that feels like conflict and one thing that surprises the
nine is they are exhausted afterwards and the reason is is because they used all their energy
dancing around conflict and so that's one thing to know about the nine that they do not like or
want conflict at all okay guys so that's all thank you so much for listening to how to get
along with all types of people hopefully this will give you more grease and understanding for
your family your friends everybody in your life this holiday season you know let me
know in the comments below did these did these resonate with you what's your type what stood
out for you what are you like aiming and as i'm talking like yes listen to that guys let us know
i love it when we all interact with each other and get to know each other better
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learning the enneagram in the easiest way possible and the last thing
is um if you don't if you watch this video and you're like gosh i don't even actually know my
type while you're in luck i offer a discover you typing session it's a personal one-on-one
over zoom session with me i will link that down below so that you will have more information
on what that is the price and all the details on that and if you want go give me a follow on
social media hillary_mccaskey_coaching and make sure to DM me and say hi and then i get to know
you guys on a more personal level but that's all i have for today guys until next time bye guys
you