- You don't have to struggle alone.
A lot of people want to
'cause they don't wanna be an inconvenience to others.
And I definitely think that that was a case for me.
But if you open up, chances are someone can relate to you
and give you advice and tell you
all the reasons you are incredibly beautiful,
whether or not you think so yourself.
[calm music]
When I did ballet for like all my life,
I would just see myself in mirrors constantly.
So I think that was my most unhealthy.
And I think honestly,
when I stopped like doing ballet and doing classes,
I felt like that was the beginning
of where I could start working on the body dysmorphia.
It's just when you see yourself in mirrors constantly,
and you're like wearing nothing,
you can really just nitpick yourself to death,
which is so unhealthy.
But I think what I stopped dancing
was the beginning of like, okay,
I definitely need to heal,
'cause the way that I thought about myself
when I was dancing was not healthy.
I'm not in a place where I can say like, oh yeah, it's over.
You know, I think as an every day, like healing every day
and reminding, like, being so gentle with yourself
I think you have to work on it every...
At least I have to work on it every single day.
I do think working out in a healthy way has helped a lot
because it makes me feel good,
makes me feel stronger
but I used to work out constantly.
So now I'm trying to do things that I just genuinely love
and not in like an overt, like a burnout way.
Anthony and I, my boyfriend,
we're gonna start doing like dance,
like Zumba's, it's feels joyful to me.
So I think that that's the main thing
that's been helping us like doing classes that are like fun
or my trainer is great for example,
he makes my training fun and doesn't push me
into a place of burnout, which I think is important
because once you're at burnout, then it's all over,
you know like, oh man, every bad thing that I say
takes up so much more space in my head than it should so.
It's been such a like every day is up and...
you know, it's a very much a whirlwind
like when I talked to my friends about this and everyone
a lot of people just say the same thing
but I think that I have really had to like double down
in the mental health area of it
because I think just the unknowing of everything
can get you if you don't really focus on your mental health,
can get you really kinda jazzed up.
So it's been like, I've actively had to make sure
that I'm taking care of myself every day
because there are days definitely that I'm like just...
I just lay in bed and won't do anything
and then I realized like,
I need to do something like meditate or read or whatnot.
And then physically I was just talking about this that,
right when the pandemic hit we all just stopped working.
And I know for so many of us
we were just work, work, work constantly.
And so you didn't, at least for me
I didn't have time to really sit and like with myself.
And as soon as the pandemic hit
like I just stopped working.
And then I feel like I just was like,
well, the world is over
and so I just truly was like
I'll be a couch potato forever.
And then it was only to like recently
where I started like, no, the world will keep going
and so now I'm like working out
and doing all this stuff, but it's definitely not.
I'm like not gonna sit here and say,
yeah, it's been like,
awesome my self-care has been great
because I don't know if it truly has to like, you know
the past like maybe three months where I'm like, okay
the world isn't gonna end.
Now where I feel like we're gonna be...
I feel like there's hope, but who knows?
I, for myself it's like sometimes
when you're feeling very low you just kind of binge
and that's how it is in the moment.
Like, I know I've talked about it publicly,
but it's like something I think that's
feels so private to me.
And then I just like had this moment,
this particularly this year, I was like,
not alone in this, you know.
This year has given us the space,
at least myself I'll always speak for myself
has given me the space to see what really truly matters
like at the end of the day.
I'm so like, I love my dog, you know.
And I know now the times that I've abandoned myself
and I don't wanna ever feel like that again.
I don't feel the need to be like,
I have to say yes to every single thing
because mentally that's not healthy.
My ultimate self-care for me is being with my pup.
Well, it's not a puppy anymore
but I'll call her a puppy forever.
Being with my dog, Emmy
I'm reading a thriller and not talking to anyone.
I think there's like another thing I've realized this year
is I think I'm very much an introvert
more than I ever thought.
'cause I thought to myself like,
I'm an introvert that I charge as an introvert
and then I expel extroverted energy.
But no, I think I'm like truly, like, that's why I say like
I don't mind being alone and not talking to anyone.
So that's another thing I've learned this year.
And I think that's okay
but as a performer, you have to expel energy
and be brighter or bigger than I think you are in real life.
'cause I remember talking to my boyfriend being like,
Oh my God, I am exhausted after work
like a year ago or whatever.
I'm so exhausted after work.
And I think it's because I'm just like
I feel like I'm putting out so much energy
and like trying to be so bright and all these things
and like trying to entertain people
when I'm not in front of the camera
and all these different things.
And I'm so tired, but that's because I was like,
I think you know, insecure and who I am just as Lana.
So that's something that, again, coming back
into like shooting and working now, it's like,
Hmm, I know the way that I acted on set before COVID
but it feels different now.
And I don't know if it's good or bad, but I feel great.
So I'm just gonna roll with it.
People are speaking their truth during the pandemic.
I honestly couldn't tell you why
I decided to like, be more outspoken.
I think, I mean, I would like to.
My little cousins are dealing with the same things.
I want them to know that they're not alone.
Like if you're 12 right now growing up right.
As a kid, you just like, you look up to like
I don't TikTok but I will, might maybe TikTok
but like all these people look so perfect.
I'm 23 and I'm influenced by it.
And I'm like, oh my God like,
all these models and everyone looks so great what do I do?
But we have to do a better job
at being kind to ourselves for sure.
I've seen people that I look up to
share their mental health journey particularly recently.
And that has helped me feel stronger about talking about
where I can feel more confident, but it's a journey.
That's why they call it a journey.
[laughing]
I think if someone were to come to me
asking for advice about body dysmorphia
and just any sort of mental health, I would just say
you have to treat yourself like your best friend
and you have to talk to yourself
like you're your best friend.
You would never tell your best friend
like the things that you say to yourself
and your darkest times, you never in a million years.
And I think that we have to talk to ourselves kindly
and gently and treat ourselves like our best friends
because this is like, all we have,
like this is this mind and this body is like the one we get.
- [Producer] That honestly sounds wonderful.
- Yeah.
[laughing]
[calm music]