Okay, so welcome to... uh,
What are we doing?
Wade: Uh, dodge.
Mark: Right, okay.
So what's gonna happen here is
...there's a lot of you
We have six, bows?
Tyler: Yes
Mark: Six bows, okay.
Tyler: Five!
Mark: Five, sorry.
Five bows and an assortment of arrows
So, I need five volunteers
Tyler: I got an idea
Mark [to crowd]: *You* don't want to do it, you're definitely going
Get up here
Alright.
Uh, who else?
Yeah, okay, you.
Alright, you...
(because I hate you)
You.
And you.
Alright, we got five?
Yeah you.
Alright, get up here
What's your name again?
Bree
Mark: Bree.
Sara,
Dane,
Lauren,
Marissa!
Alright, so welcome everybody
To the field of death
I picked them because they look the wimpiest.
*laughing*
So I don't think they're gonna do any damage.
Alright, so we got five
Zing Bows here
And we've got one pair of goggles
So you five,
are going to be shooting at me
and I am supposed to dodge it.
Got it?
Mark's Army: *mumbling*
Mark: Cool.
So, for the elegance of this
You are going to be on the pitcher's mound
And I am going to be right here, on home base.
Everybody get up there, line up.
Execution style.
*arrow whistling* [Bob (behind camera): Woah!]
*cheering at Mark's demise*
Tyler: NICE!
Mark: Ah! Ma' foot!
That was one hit
Crowd member: Get 'em guys
No mercy!
Wooo
Crowd member: Ow!
You're out?
Already?
Yeah, okay, everybody wait
Tactics w[ith] style, shoot all at once
*crowd chatter*
ow, ma groin.
Alright, ready?
*whistling*
*cheering*
Wait, we got one-wlw one-wl waiting in the wings
Marissa: DON'T PRESSURE ME!
*side step*
Tyler: Get that slat arm
I'll give you one last chance
One last chance.
That's it, that's enough.
Ah, use what arrows you got and that's it
*crotch hit*
*crowd disappointment*
I was gonna catch it and be all cool
*failed catch*
*Tyler throws arrows*
*laughter*
STOP THROWIN' ARROWS!
That was supposed to-
That guy's trying to kill me
This isn't how this is supposed to be-
*laughter*
Crowd member: Where the dab at?
*dabbing*
I will attempt to dab my next arrow
*strong dabbing*
*laughing*
*slide*
You guys are all terrible
The only one that hit me was an accident
I'm the best
An' I'm great
Alright, anyway
Thank you guys
You're all done
You're retired as archers
Who's up next?
Tyler: *regret* ...oh
Thank's for volunteering
Bree: ha ha!
Mark (uncertain): Okay...
Bob: Give us some word before your doom
Tyler: Don't hit me in the nuts, please
Tyler: OH GAWD
Tyler (in fear): MARK TURNED THIS INTO A FIRING SQUAD?!
*whistling*
*cry of fear*
Crowd member: Got hit in both feet
Tyler: WOAH
That was *so* close!
Mark: Aim...
Release!
*cry of pain*
*crowd cheering*
I kicked one really high
Where did it go?
Bob: Is this fun Tyler?
[scared] I don't like Mark coaching
oh... oh no
OH NO
I don't like this
*flailing*
WOOOO!
I survived
*cartwheeling*
*cheering*
Somebody got me in the hand
Mark: You got him in the hand, all of you
You're all winners, 'cause you're *my* team.
Alright, who's up next?
Ethan!
*behind camera* I'll go
*at the fence* Hi!
Mark: Hi...!
Mark: Hello!
Child: We got here in time!
Mark: You did!
Did you try to go before?
Child: We were going to the museum
Mark: The children's museum?
Mother: The science-
Oh, yeah [Mother: -Space museum]
Mother: We were going to go to the children's one right here
Mark: Oh yeah?
I'm you're biggest fan
THANK YOU!!
Oh my goodness
I'm gonna give you
something at the end of this day
You want that?
Child: Okay!
Do you want to play?
Yeah!
Okay, cool, come on out
Mark: That man in the blue hair
He's trying to copy Jacksepticeye.
*crowd and Bob laugh*
Child: I know Jacksepticeye!
I know, and that's not Jacksepticeye
That is a FAKER.
*Distant "Top of the mornin' to ya laddies!*
He's a FAKER.
See? That wasn't even close
So what you're gonna do
Is you're going to help us take him down *Distant "Hey Jack!" "No!"*
*Crowd laughing*
Um, what Jacksepticeye does in the first video *crowd chatters*
*crowd chatter*
He makes, like the sound of like a slap
Mark: A 'Whu-Psh!'™
Child: Yeah!
Irish Mark: Top o' the mornin' to ya laddie
Mark: Give me your best "top o' the mornin' to ya laddie"
Um, I don't know...
You can do it!
Whu-Psh!™
Irish Mark: Top of the mornin' to ya laddies!
Whu-Psh!™
[louder, higher] Top o the mornin' to ya laddies!
Whu-psh!
[indistinguishable] Top o' the mornin' laddies
No? Okay, alright then.
We'll just settle for slaughtering the imposter
We don't have an extra-
We don't have an extra bow for you...
But, I want you, to when he's least suspecting
Run up,
and stab him in the leg with this
He'll go down
and he won't come back up
You ready?
Ethan: I didn't hear anything other than,
"I want you to stab him."
Ethan: That's all I heard
Mark: Okay, cool!
Alright, you're good, stand on home plate
You ready?
I'm ready
Excuse me Mark,
I'm really fast.
You're really fast?
How fast?
I don't know...
That will be perfect
You're gonna run with me
up there, after the arrows go
and we'll get 'em
You ready?
I'm-a go with ya
I'm-a get one of my lucky special arrows
We're gonna get him.
We're the same color.
Unless you want me to be green
Red
Red is best
Red's cool!
Mark: Everybody ready?
Bob: And if you get hit in the face it'll be amazing
Mark: FIRE!
*screams*
*cheers*
YOU CAN'T STOP US
*more screaming*
*Ethan screaming in pain*
*cheering*
Mark: You did it!
Mark: Okay, that was terrible,
You were outperformed by a young child.
So, you need to somehow redeem yourself
Are you ready?
Mark's Army member: Always
Mark: Nock...
Aim...
Cheat by walking forward...
WHAT?!
WHAT IS HAPPPENING?
NO?!
Mark: Cheat some more...
nO?!
Mark: Cheat...
[Ethan: PLEASE!?] AIM!
Fire-Cheat!
Ethan: AGHH!
Mark: Excellent, you did great
He's not paying attention, go go go now.
Go now, go now, go now
*screams and pain*
No one gave me any warning
YAY!
We are all winners except for him
Wade: These are covered in sweat, I can't see anything
Ethan: You're welcome!
Shit
Bob: Are you more or less scared then the sour challenge?
Less
Now that I know what the sour challenge is.
There is very little that will fear me as much
Other than maybe a butcher knife-
Never mind, not going there.
Alright so, like I said
These guys are the wimpiest I could find.
And we're gonna shoot at Wade
Who's the wimpiest man I know.
Let's see what happens.
You ready Wade?
Why are they all...
strong looking?
No,
No, naaah
They're very wimpy
Their muscles are like
Bark on a tree
they just fall apart and flake
Wade (in dramatic speech): You may hit me
I may fall
I could even die.
But there will be laughter on this day
For today we celebrate,
Mark-sensei: Draw your bows...
Wade: Our indep-
Aim...
Fire!
Chief Mark: You all sucked on that first volley
As I expected you would.
I thought really highly of you all
Chief Mark: But, this time
we are gonna show him what for!
and who's what
and where we are
where are we?
Mark's Army member: Pasadena
Brook-side-park!
[*chant starts*] Mark: No don't do that, that's a stupid chant.
Draw...
Aim
Whatever do the aiming thing
FIRE!
*whimper*
Ha ha, none of you anticipated the move.
Ethan: Wade, you're pretty spry.
I'm like lighting in the..
...air.
Remember you're trying to hit him
I know you see that face and you just have nothing but pity.
But you need to let go of all your mercifulness.
Hold on to the inner hatred in your heart
That's what Markiplier's all about.
The hatred in your heart.
What's my motto?
♫ I hate everybody ♫
♫ We all hate each other ♫
♫ It's a horrible place to live. ♫
Chief Mark: Draw...
Aim...
Remember the spread pattern...
Predict where he's gonna be...
And Fire!
*cheering, laughter, awe*
Mark: Nailed him
Wade: The lord is dead
I don't remember your name camera guy
but, goodbye
Fuck
yoooooou
oh
Oh
Wade: There's dirt on my bum-bum
Are you gonna coach them so that they nail me too
Yeah, I will
Nice.
Where'd you get the bat?
Hunter
Yeah, Hunter got it
Thank you Hunter
Hunter was nice enough to get us this bat
Which we're gonna use to beat up Wade.
Ethan: Do you like the sweat on the inside of your glasses?
Bob: It makes it so it seals up nicer
Do you feel closer to all of us?
It's beautiful
Mark: I'm-a call you
The Mumbo-Jumbos
You're the Mumbo-Jumbos
Remember that.
Get team shirts
You're the Mumbo-Jumbos
Markipier's Mumbos
You gonna get it good, right?
Mark is coaching 'em, good, excellent.
This will be good, this seems fair.
No one's coaching me
I like your crouching
It's gonna make you springy
Fire!
Bob, you dodged some of 'em
Wade: He's just accepting it
Fire!
*Bob screams*
It's really hard to see in these
They're gross
We should wipe them out or something
Fire!
Bob: D-Eh!
*cheers*
That was gonna hit me in the mouth
Alright, good job Mumbo-Jumbos
You failed me
Dissolve the team
Burn your team shirts
I am disapointed
So that was everybody
I don't know who won
We will tally it in the end, but I think we're all winners here, right?
*cheering and waving*
Okay, so thank you everybody so much for watching
Which camera are we looking at? That one! That one's good.
Kind of orbit around us.
Thank you everybody so much-
Thank you everybody who was here
*cheering*
We're moving on to the next one so, see ya when we get there.
Bye!
Ethan: This is frightening
Ethan: Har-l-Aah!
Please stop!
Noooooo
I hate it!
I'm gonna fall
I'm gonna die
Take this
Bob: Oh god, Ok.
Ethan: Let me be free.