(00:11): How do you let go of resentment and truly
forgive someone.
I want to forgive so much, but I can't, I've made progress, but it's where I want to be.
So when it comes to forgiveness, this is a topic that's really heavily present in spirituality,
but sometimes we don't go about it the right way.
So forgiveness, a lot of times, what I feel is that forgiveness is almost, um, in a lot
of spirituality circles, it's seen as kind of an obligations, something that you have
to do in order to be more spiritual.
And if you can't forgive, you're not spiritual enough.
Um, and I think this is a really big, big mistake because what ends up happening is
that people will many times push themselves to forgive.
And then they feel like total failures because they're clearly not able to do it, or they
don't feel capable of doing it.
(01:03): And then they think they're failing at something.
All right.
So, and I can kind of sense this, um, in the energy of, of kind of feeling like a failure
feeling super self-critical.
I can feel that in this question, um, that this audience member submitted, so let's kind
of clean up the energy around this a little bit.
All right.
Let's take a step back and let's just forget forgiveness altogether.
Okay.
Let's just forget the word forgiveness altogether.
Forget the needs to forgive.
Forget the obligation to forgive.
Let's just leave that to the side and let's start with an important piece of this question,
which is the persons that I really want to forgive, but I can't.
Okay.
Let's start with words.
So words are so important, so important in the co-creation of your reality, the moment
that you say I can do something.
And so it is the moment you say I can't do something.
(01:59): And so it is okay.
So the way that I like to break up the energy and clean up the energy around this is to
say, if you're struggling with forgiveness, if you're struggling with it, just start loosening
up the energy around those words.
So instead of saying, I really wanna forgive, but I can't, you see the energy is really
shut down in this kind of affirmation, instead of saying it that way you can say something
like it's been really hard for me to forgive, but I'm ready to learn.
You see how the energy opens up immediately.
When I say that it's been hard, so I'm alluding to the past, it's been hard, but I'm willing
to learn.
It means that you're willing to move forward with a different energy.
You see how, how this affirmation is more uplifting, it's open and it's expansive versus
saying, I can't do something which shuts down your energy.
(02:52): Okay.
So we started with words, that's an important place to start, and then let's just set forgiveness
to the side.
Okay.
And this is probably the most important answer to this question is realizing, I'm gonna give
you a mantra.
This is a mantra that I've used before, but it's so important.
This is a really important mantra.
You may wanna write this down so you can work with this.
And that is that forgiveness.
Isn't actually something that you need to do.
Okay.
Forgiveness is a natural byproduct of healing.
Okay.
Another way of saying this.
So let me say that sentence again.
Forgiveness is a natural byproduct of healing.
So let's flip that and say it a different way.
It means that when I, I heal, I will automatically forgive without any effort without needing
to dedicate any time to it, without needing to do a 10 step process, I won't need to do
anything.
(03:49): It's a natural byproduct.
It's something that happens naturally when I heal.
Okay.
If I am not healed around that specific topic cannot forgive very easily because healing
is the, the foundation by which forgiveness occurs.
Okay.
And so this is why a lot of times people push themselves into forgiveness and then they
feel like failures, cuz they can't seem to forgive.
And it's because they're starting off on the wrong foot.
They're pushing forgiveness when the healing hasn't been done.
And so if the healing hasn't been done, forgiveness is gonna be almost an impossible task.
Right.
So take a step back, put forgiveness to the side and just say to yourself, I may or may
not forgive this person and that's okay.
I'm not gonna deal with it right now.
I don't have to address forgiveness right now, but I do have to address healing.
Okay.
So, uh, who am I trying to forgive?
(04:44): I'm trying to forgive this person.
Uh, I'm trying to forgive Joe because he really hurt me.
And so I'm trying to focus on forgiving him.
Okay.
Let's let's just put forgiveness to the side and let's instead think how can I heal?
What happened between Joe and I?
How can I heal from that?
What, what still, what pain is left over that I haven't healed?
What pain is left over that I haven't addressed?
What emotions are left over that I have not processed through what events happened between
the two of us that I haven't gone into full healing, uh, with.
Okay.
And this is where a journal comes in.
Handing.
I love to journal a lot through these processes.
So what between you and Joe and I mean just using an imaginary person here, but what between
you and that other person has not been healed?
(05:37): And when I mean healed, let me go a little
bit further into this healed to me means in this circumstance healed means addressed.
Okay.
Faced processed.
These are different words that I'm giving for the word heal.
Okay.
So what have I not processed between myself and that person?
What have I not faced between myself and that person?
Okay.
What issues have I not addressed between me and that person?
And start journaling about this?
The more you start going into healing, into processing emotions, into sitting with the
emotions, to sitting with the emotional content, the, that was triggered between your interaction
with the other person, the more you go into healing.
What you're gonna notice is that at the end of this healing process, and you can do this
healing with the person.
So if the person is in your life and you feel like you can have difficult conversations
or you can heal together, that's one thing.
(06:36): If the person is isn't in your life, you're
gonna have to do the healing just yourself on your end, without the other person being
involved, you can do it either way, depending on your circumstance.
But at the end of the day, you have to remember that the emotional content has to be addressed.
The events that transpired between you, they have to be addressed and processed and lessons
learned from processes, but more than lessons learned, it's just a question of being able
to address and sit with the pain.
Uh, maybe any suffering, hurt, betrayal, grief, any kind of heavy emotion that still exists
between you and that person related to whatever events transpired between you.
When you process this, when you work with this energy, when you learn how to sit with
these emotions, when you journal through them, you you'll start to notice that your energy
becomes lighter in relationship to that person.
(07:28): And as your energy becomes lighter one day
or another, you're gonna notice that you've already forgiven them and you haven't done
anything you haven't done any forgiveness work per se.
And it's because you've done such a great job at healing, the situation between you
and that person, that forgiveness just came naturally.
Okay.
So that's how I see forgiveness that it's not doesn't necessarily have to be true for
everyone, but that's how I see forgiveness.
Forgiveness is very effortless when the work of healing has been done prior.
Okay.
So take your focus off of forgiveness and put it on healing, whatever needs to be healed,
uh, about that subject or about that person.
And then you'll notice that forgiveness comes naturally.