- Mega Church has been around long enough.
- Oh, they've been around for a while.
- They were actually doing that thing
you know where they touch you in the face?
- Yeah, they'll like slay you in the spirit.
That's what they call it.
- So you worked at one of my favorite restaurants
of all time.
- Yeah.
- In-N-Out.
Free advertisement.
- Yeah, yeah, my dad would dress up with the platform shoes,
the bellbottom pants.
(Bill laughs)
- He had the Afro going.
(rock music)
- When you were a kid you found out
you were allergic to trees and grass?
- Yeah, yeah it was like all of a sudden too.
I was in fourth grade
and it happened in the middle of the day.
- So you're like nine years old
you lived almost your first decade on the planet,
going outside is not a problem?
- Yeah it was great.
I loved it.
- [Bill] And then out of nowhere?
- Yeah it was all I was allowed to do too.
It was like couldn't watch TV 'cause it was like bad
and the devil,
so playing outside was all we had to do.
- Right.
- And then out of nowhere nope couldn't breath.
Like falling on the ground and shit, it was insane.
- Like thinking you were going to die or something?
- Yeah, yeah.
- So what did they do?
- I had to get shots every week.
And for the first few months
they had to find out what it was.
'Cause they were like well this kid can't breath.
And this was what the 90's?
So no one knew anything,
so they were like putting like 40 shots.
(Bill laughs)
- 'Cause they didn't know they're just like that's a--
- 40?
- Yeah, they'd put 'em, it was on like a big thing
and they would like stick the whole thing in my entire,
like from the knee to the thigh place.
- Oh, they got it over with?
- Yeah, so they'd put like 40 in
and they'd be like alright whichever ones swell up,
you're allergic to that.
So they're just injecting me
with random shit it was like here's a little bug thing.
- What did that feel like 40 shots at once?
- Bad!
It was getting hurt.
It was like blood.
- Did you get use to it after awhile?
- No!
(laughs)
- I'm trying to find a silver lining here,
you're like no it's horrible it hurt.
- No, some things are just bad.
It was bad.
- So were you like
kicking and screaming on the way down there and stuff?
Like I don't want to do this anymore?
- No, I mean my dad kind of nailed all that incorrect stuff
in my head of like crying, never never do that.
(laughs)
- Oh, you had a hardcore religious background, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
- So TV was the devil.
- TV was the devil.
- Where did you grow up?
- Outside of Atlanta, rural Georgia.
- Yeah.
- So it was like Seinfeld
which now is considered clean that's like a clean show.
And they were like that's too
Everybody Loves Raymond was too dirty.
Everything was too dirty or too liberal or like--
- Caroline in the City, how about that?
- I don't even know what you're talking about
they must have really hid that.
What's going on in that?
- She's in the city she's single.
She has ideas.
- Is Caroline, is she the little nun
is she the little nun girl?
- No, that was one of those shows that
I always used as a reference because that was just like
somehow this show made it to syndication
and I've never seen an episode of it
somebody is watching this thing
it just became like fascinating.
- Yeah.
- So what are you are you religious now?
Did you get away from it?
- No, but I'm definitely open to all everything.
They all sound fun, most of them.
- So what religion were you?
- Pentecostal Holiness.
- Which is what?
- They speak in tongues and those ones.
- Is that Jesus shit or is that?
- Yeah, Jesus.
- I don't know.
(laughs)
- So you worked at one of my favorite restaurants
of all time.
- Yeah.
- In-N-Out.
Free advertisement.
- What was that like?
- It was the best thing arguably of my life.
Until now.
- I was gonna say.
- It's been like this and In-N-Out.
Pretty much top two.
- Did you go nuts on the food?
- I mean I was in a real grilled cheese phase
at that time not a vegetarian,
but like have you ever had the grilled cheese?
- I didn't know they made one.
- It's unreal.
- Really?
- Unreal.
- 'Cause I know the double double animal style.
I know you got all the cheat codes you gotta let me know
like this is the one
you can order that just has the lettuce and not the bun.
- I mean that's pretty like--
- Standard.
- No, that's pretty out there.
Yeah, that information is out there.
But, I do like a grilled cheese and a root beer float.
- Root beer float and you like Bob Seger?
(laughs)
- Yeah.
- I didn't know they made women like you anymore?
That's unbelievable.
- Yeah.
- No wonder you're having panic attacks
you're living in the wrong time.
(laughs)
- Yeah.
- You're like some chick I went to high school with.
(laughs)
- I peaked at In-N-Out it was just so fun I just loved it.
I worked there in high school.
- But, you said the first night
something crazy happened there?
- I mean, so I dated this guy there
ya know, whatever, it's like you're there all the time?
- You were soulmates, right?
- Yeah.
- You guys both know the menu.
- I was 16 and he was 18 it was just like let's do this.
(laughs)
- And I realized slowly like on a couple of our shifts
he was like kinda like being stand offish
and I was like okay like did I like
take an order wrong what's happening?
And then I realized that he was cheating on me
with a different employee
that had just started working there.
And it was just I mean, yeah,
devastating doesn't even begin to cover it.
Then we just have to all stand there at the registers
make fries ya know and like--
- Wait did you find out at work?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Because he came.
I was standing outside taking orders
'cause I was the best at it.
Ya know when people go outside to like
get the drive thru line?
So I was outside it's like 10 o'clock
on a Tuesday and he pulled up, he wasn't working.
And I was like what are you doing here, ya know?
And I knew he wasn't there to see me, I knew it.
I was like going through my mind
I was like who's inside right now?
- But he didn't check with you to see if you were there?
This kid's sloppy.
- He didn't even check with me.
- Sloppy.
- Yeah.
I'm the first person he sees
and he was like I'm going to check my schedule.
Yeah right?
- In the drive thru line?
- Have you ever heard of the phone?
Yeah, and I'm like dude something's up you know?
And I was thinking about who was in there
and it was just like Manny, Caesar, no.
And then I was like--
- Not feeling that vibe?
- I was like Louise, no no no then it hit me.
Leah...
The new girl.
- Wow.
- And yeah they confirmed it
at we used to have store meetings once a month,
and like at the next store meeting
they were like sitting together in the booth and I was like.
Yeah.
- So there was no official break up?
- No.
- That's the worst when you're young
you don't know how to do it.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And you had to keep working there?
So what happened?
Who quit?
Who left?
- He did.
I was the longest one still working there.
- So he left and she stayed?
So then the two of your were there?
- He left and then she left
and then I was just like running the joint.
(laughs)
- You gotta start writing for soap operas that was--
(laughs)
- It was traumatizing, yeah.
- First of all you lived a life.
- Yeah, yeah you know married and all that.
- Yeah, then like so much of your comedy
was coming from the characters and your dad like
I had a really volatile dad too,
and so much of your stuff comes from that like--
I don't know man I guess tell me about yourself.
- Just that's the best comedy real life stuff, huh?
I'm from the south side of Chicago
40 years old been doing standup for 14 years now.
I base everything, everything I write to make people laugh
is all the stuff I went through as a kid.
Crazy dad.
- And you had kids like real young too, right?
- Yeah I was 19 years old
when we had our first daughter, man.
- So you got a 21 year old?
- 21 year old.
She'll be 21 in September.
- Dude I'm 50 I got a 2 year old.
- I feel bad for you man.
(laughs)
- I know anytime I talk to parents
that have already raised kids they just kinda like oh yeah.
- Yeah my best friend is like 42,
he's got a newborn he's like miserable everyday man, but...
- I'm liking it.
I'm liking--
- He's liking it too he's got a beautiful daughter,
but when he sees me hanging out and following my dream
and what not he's just like shit
I should have got her knocked up at 19 too.
(laughs)
- I thought getting your girl knocked up young
that usually screws it up, doesn't it?
- At that moment it screwed up a lot of stuff you know
I had college dreams--
- Yeah that went out the window.
- That went out the window, full time job--
- What did you think at 19 when she goes on,
probably 18 if you had her at 19?
- She was actually 18 I was 19, yeah.
- You were 19 and then you had the kid
what are you thinking?
What did I just do?
- Honestly, it was weird because at that time in my life
I was in high school all my friends had kids.
Like a bunch of my friends had kids it was insane.
- You city kids, man.
- Yeah bunch of horny little Latino kids
from the inner city, man.
(laughs)
- It was like a cool thing to do.
- Trying to stay warm.
- Two guys show up I got a baby, I got a baby
you know I need a fucking baby now.
So it was one of those things, man.
- Oh yeah and then the baby comes
and you're like oh shit what do I do?
- Now I really have to get married or ya know?
You got a choice you can run or you can stay.
I decided to stay.
- So how many you have?
- Two.
Two daughters.
My youngest is 17.
- Your youngest is 17
so she was born when you were like what 20--
- 22.
23.
- 22 or 23 years old.
- Wow.
- She was born in 2002.
- So tell me about your dad
your dad is a big Rock and Roll fan?
- Yeah, yeah my dad is a he's literally an encyclopedia
of Rock and Roll I mean--
- That's so cool.
- He can name drummers, guitarists,
even like replacement artists
he can name all the original Black Sabbath guys
and then the new guys.
He's one of those guys.
- He's hardcore, huh?
- Hardcore, he played guitar for a few years.
- And you were saying he use to dress up and stuff?
- Yeah, yeah my dad would dress up with the platform shoes,
the bellbottom pants.
(Bill laughs)
- He had the Afro going, ya know?
- How is he liking that you are doing stand up
and telling all those stories about him,
is he cool about it?
- Oh yeah, he's cool about it
my dad he's always been the like
if he was in this bar he would be buying everybody drinks.
He's always been the guy--
- Oh he's one of those guys.
- Yeah, I got paid today guys
and spends all his money and shit in the bar,
but he's always been that guy
that wanted the whole room to look at him kinda.
- Yeah.
- You know Phil's the funniest one here so--
- So you think you got that from him
like as far as you then getting on stage
and wanting to be a comedian.
- Not in the sense where my dad does it for attention.
- Right.
- I mean my dad always did it like he wanted to be the star.
What I got from him is the funniness and the wittiness.
- Right.
- Not afraid to just say what you feel
when you see something even if it assaults somebody else.
- That's why when I was watching your stuff
I related to you so much because I had a dad just like that.
He was a little more introverted like
my dad either wants to be the center of attention
or just wants to be left alone, one or the other.
- Right.
- But what was cool was when you get nervous
when you start talking about your folks
and stuff like how are they gonna react.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
- My dad loves it.
The craziest stories I tell
he'll just lean over and go "Yeah that's true."
- Yeah that's my dad.
He's exactly right.
I did that shit.
(rock music)