hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about ten typical signs
of a toxic friendship now let's begin number one lying for sympathy toxic friends are desperate
for sympathy especially from you they want you to feel sorry for them to pay attention to them
and to put them on a pedestal even if that means lying to your face sympathy stories are a very
typical sign of a toxic friendship a sympathy story is a story that's exaggerated or changed
to make the storyteller sound like a victim let's say for example that your friend gets
in a fight with their significant other in real life your friend might have started the fights in
fact their carelessness might be the whole reason why it happened but when they come crying to you
they'll tell you a completely different story your friend will act like they did everything
right and their partner did everything wrong because they want you to feel sorry for them
to support them and to help them justify their own mistakes no but that's not all many toxic friends
use their sympathy stories to attack other people for example let's take that same story about your
friend fighting with their partner that whole story might just be an excuse to talk about that
person behind their back all your friend really wants to do is criticize and complain about them
but why because that makes your friend feel better about themselves so how do you know if your friend
is lying to you well ask yourself this do you ever feel like their stories just don't add up
I mean on their own they might make sense but when you consider their crazy stories altogether they
may sound pretty unbelievable my point here is don't be afraid to think twice about the stories
that your friends tell you because they might be lying just to get your attention number two waves
of conflict in a toxic friendship conflict comes in waves all of a sudden a big wave will crash
something will go wrong and you'll get in a fight you convince yourself that you're never going to
repair the relationship but eventually the tide settles and you go back to being friends again
the problem is there will always be another wave there will always be more conflict so you're left
wondering what's gonna go wrong next this kind of relationship can really take its toll on your
attitude because you're constantly looking out for more conflict you're scared to open your mouth
and paranoid about what little thing will set them off next but you should never be afraid to
communicate with your friends strong friendships don't flip back and forth between peace and chaos
yeah you'll have conflicts with your friends yeah those conflicts might be emotionally draining and
uncomfortable but conflicts like these should be few and far between healthy friendships are stable
and understanding friends should be the people you fall back on not the people who turn your
life upside down if you have to walk on eggshells around your friend just to avoid setting them off
you might have yourself a toxic friendship number three kindness in criticism friends
should be honest with each other that open line of communication will make any friendship stronger
but there's a right way and a wrong way to tell someone how you feel if your friend is constantly
criticizing you or making you feel bad about yourself well that's not healthy even if they're
just being honest that honesty should come from a place of kindness not jealousy resentment or
insecurity okay imagine you're getting ready for a job interview but you're worried about
what you're going to wear so you ask for your friends opinion you show them a few different
outfits and you ask which one they like the best but what if your friend doesn't like any of them
how should they react a good friend will do something simple like this they'll tell you
they aren't a big fan of what you have and they'll advise you to go pick out something new a really
friend might even go with you to the store oh but a bad friend will jump on this opportunity
to put you down they'll laugh at every outfit you own they'll tell you that no one is ever going
to hire you in other words they're not trying to help you they're just trying to attack you
or to make you feel inferior and that's never something of friends you do number 4 preserving
their image toxic people spend way too much time preserving their image even in front of their
friends they want you to see them as the funniest most intelligent or most attractive person in the
room because they care far too much about what people think of them specifically you so if you
stop idolizing them what happens do they laugh it off or do they blow things out of proportion
let's say you're talking to your friend when they make a stupid mistake or they get a fact wrong or
they mess up a common figure of speech and that makes you laugh right normally friends can tease
each other without hurting each other's feelings but if you know someone with a toxic ego they're
going to get offended they don't like showing any kind of weakness even if it's something tiny and
insignificant in that defensive state they might lash out because toxic friends will do anything to
cover up their own weaknesses and preserve their image even if that means putting you down number
5 putting down other friends does one of your friends spend a lot of time criticizing your other
friends do they talk about how much better they are than everyone else you know these are classic
signs of a jealous or needy friendship these toxic people will insult everyone in your life because
they want you all to themselves that's why they frame themselves as the most important person
you know they'll say things like what would you do without me or you're lucky that I'm here now
on the surface these comments aren't all bad but some friends will use them to chip away at
you too slowly but surely convince you that you need them and that makes any friendship toxic
number six stealing your identity toxic friends aren't always malicious they aren't always trying
to hurt you some toxic friends for example may be chronic copycats you might consistently catch them
mimicking the things you do they might steal the phrases you say dress the way you dress and even
take up the same hobbies yeah I know this sounds sweet like a little sibling who admires you but
it's actually a very big problem because it means your friend is jealous they don't want to be more
like you they want to be you and that creates all kinds of unnecessary conflict so don't let these
things go unnoticed if your friend is copying you on a regular basis you might be part of a
toxic friendship number seven constant negativity how does the mood change when your friend comes
around toxic people tend to drag everyone down they complain constantly they make things awkward
and they suck the fun out of any situation because they're overwhelmingly negative their negativity
may be so infectious that other friends just don't want them around you might feel like you have to
make excuses for them but no friend should put you in that position no matter how long you've
known each other number eight finding your flaws friends should be proud of each other they should
celebrate your successes and encourage you when you're down but toxic friends are constantly
focused on your flaws whenever you succeed at something they tell you all the things you could
have done better or make you feel bad for being proud of yourself if you feel like your friend
is never impressed there's something wrong with your friendship and it's time to make a change
number nine physical weakness a toxic friendship can actually cause you physical pain when you've
internalized enough negativity from someone it builds this tightly wound knot of mental stress
but instead of making you sad or angry that stress may take on a different shape like physical aches
and pains every time that friend comes around you might get a sudden cramp in your stomach
or a dull pain in your head and after spending a little bit of time with him you might feel sore
almost like you have the flu but you're not really sick you're just stressed and that toxic person
may be the real reason why number 10 refusal to change toxic friends don't typically like change
especially if they're the ones who have to do it this is usually the reason why toxic friends never
get any better let's say you realize you're in an unhealthy friendship but you don't want to kick
this person out of your life so you decide to sit them down and talk it through now of course
that confrontation doesn't go the way you plan as soon as you confront your friend about their toxic
behavior they get defensive they stop listening and they pretend that they're not doing anything
wrong for any other friend this wake-up call might push them in the right direction it will
let them know that they aren't treating people the way they should but if your friendship is
toxic it may create even more conflict you see toxic friends rarely take responsibility for
their own actions because that means they have to work on themselves to make improvements and to
face their own insecurities and that's the last thing a toxic person wants to do hey thank you
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