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Wedding speeches, they can be a source of anxiety and stress for many.
It's an important occasion, and if you get it wrong, you might ruin everything.
But we have a fix for you, we've used science, or if not science at least art.
And we've some techniques that we're going to share with you
that will guarantee.
That you end up with a funny, memorable and
inspiring speech if you follow our simply recommendations.
So first I want you to imagine that you got the call, you weren't expecting it.
You thought that you were just going to be a guest, eat a lot a cake, maybe some pie.
But it turns out someone fell ill and
you have to help write a speech or a toast, pick whatever it might be.
How do you feel, a little flustered, little concerned, maybe not ready?
So imagine your friend who again, loves rotary telephones and
is a traditionalist about this, wants you to give this speech.
You're the maid of honor, the best man, whatever it might be,
what are you going to do, what's the worst that can happen?
Turns out a lot like we talked about, one, you might end up in a Twilight movie.
But more seriously it's an important moment where you're going to
have the attention of a lot of people.
And you need to use that attention effectively to
bring everyone together in a powerful way.
So what we have here is a better process which we think will deliver you a better
outcome.
These are my actual friends, this is not a stock photo, this is Grushen and Angel.
I didn't give a speech at the wedding but
those who did followed this recipe and they are happily together.
That's really the best I can promise at this point but I know that it went well.
So we're going to talk about three things today.
Next slide.
First, how you can write that speech, what the structure, what the skeleton of it
should be like, how you can pick the stories that will be effective.
Number 2, how can you lead the audience, how you can tell it,
[INAUDIBLE] techniques and guidance on the emotional journey.
And then number 3, some proof points about how we know this works personally and
powerful it is.
So with that, talk first about how to write it.
>> So how to write it, first, to understand the objective,
the objective of the wedding speech is to introduce the couple to the audience.
So make sure that you're speaking to the room, not on behalf of the room.
And also at the same time,
always remember this is an occasion about the couple, it's not about you.
So in terms of constructing the speech, there's a simple set formula that we can
follow, and it's called 3-1-2, what does 3-1-2 stand for?
You might be wondering, so I'm here to tell you.
3 stands for third person, when open the speech,
you want to share a funny story or a warm memory about the couple.
If there are certain personality traits that you want to convey to the room,
always such as loyalty, or a sense of humor.
Always tell it through a story because stories are easier to remember and
they make longer lasting impressions.
So give yourself some time to think about what you want to tell the room.
It could be when the couple first got together or
if there's something that stands out in their relationship.
Or you might pick up a memory that you and your friend,
either the bride or the groom, share with each other or share with you.
And make sure you tie it to the wedding, so that's 3.
1 is your emotions, it stands for a first person, this is a time when
you share your own feelings about the couple and tell it to the room.
Say something like, it fills my heart with joy to be here today.
2 stands for second person, this is when you turn to the couple,
you address them directly and wish them best on their journey together.
And you wrap up your speech with a simple toast to the future.
Pretty simple, right?
Actually one more thing, we recommend that
keeping the story short and simple is the way to go.
And we think about five minutes is probably around the perfect amount of time
for you to tell one or two stories long enough to get your points across.
But short enough to maintain the guests attention.
But on a second thought, after this class, we're all going to be incredibly
captivated public speakers, so this rule might not apply to you.
>> Okay, now we have the method to put up the content, but
how to lead the audience and deliver the content to the audience?
We designed another framework called emotional,
an emotional journey based on delivery, let's look at them.
So for the first phase we will talk about a funny story or memory.
As mentioned before, the story or memory is about the couple, not about you.
Your job here is to lead attention from the audience to the couple.
And you want to evoke emotion from the audience that are like,
wow, that is so interesting!
I felt so touched, I felt so moved today, if you can do that, you win this round.
It's absolutely fine for you to talk about some anecdote like, let me tell you,
the groom used to run around the campus to celebrate our final.
And only he got off the he noticed he had another exam over the next week.
Or something touching, one voted for Hillary another voted for Trump.
After one year they are still together and they still want to get married today.
Okay, for the second phase, you want to share your feeling,
it's your time to show your personal feeling.
At that time, you're the delegate for the audience, if your feelings
can represent the emotions and sentiments of the audience, you make this drop-down.
Your feeling could be a confession to the man,
I just want to marry you as well instead of being your best man.
Or something like looking at the person, her face while you're naked.
That was truly my best moment in my life.
Okay for the last phase, last phase of emotional peak.
It's the best time for you to smile authentically or cry authentically.
Or smile and cry simultaneously and authentically if you can do that.
>> [LAUGH] >> However,
never smile only because your fake crying is too funny.
Making wishes in the last phase requires authenticity from bottom of your heart.
So with your true heart please join me to wish true love for
the couple for this one precious life, and even life after this.
>> All right, so what I'd like to do is talk through that story when I actually
had the opportunity to use this framework.
To deliver a best man speech for my college friend, Jason and his wife, Liza.
My situation was a little unique because I had not met Liza until the weekend of
the wedding, so I had to modify some of this framework.
So for story 3 I told a story about Jason and I, when in college he convinced me,
then a super-awkward very uncoordinated engineer.
To take the lead front and
center dance spot on a routine that he had choreographed to Britney Spears' Oops!...
I Did It Again, if you recall, this was her outfit there.
So from the day of the performance moving forward,
I transformed from this awkward, socially uncomfortable engineer.
To an awkward, socially uncomfortable engineer that could dance.
And Jason always told me that I should always remember that he created me and
that I should always remember to give credit where credit was due.
I promised him at the age of 20 that I would never forget where I came from.
And I make good on that promise during my speech in the section of the wedding
telling him.
Jason, I just want you to know I've never forgotten everything that you've
done for me.
And the fact that you empowered me to achieve new heights that I never
thought were possible.
I took the extra step to connect it to Liza to say,
I know the two of you have the ability to empower each other.
To do things that neither of you knew were possible before you met each other.
Section 1, my emotions towards the couple, my observation in meeting and
seeing their dynamic over the weekend.
As they argued consistently but
always managed to come out with some sort of agreement.
That was significantly better than where either of them had started
at the beginning of the argument.
So I spoke to the inspiration and the hope that I felt for relationships just in
general in seeing how they were able to emerge from arguments.
And truly bring out the best of each other.
For section 2, a second inspiration of the audience.
I was in a unique situation where Jason's family spoke
almost exclusively Cantonese and Liza's family spoke only English.
So in order to bridge the gap between these two parties,
I memorized four wedding proverbs in Cantonese and English.
And recited them one by one in each language.
And I saw the eyes light up of the audience as they heard
the proverbs in their own single language.
And then invited everybody to raise a glass to the future of Liza and Jason.
If you have the combination of the two languages being spoken or
the Britney Spears anecdote.
Brought everybody together as everybody was very motivated to go to the dance
immediately after.
And the two families who had been relatively separate
previously shared a moment of connection on the dance floor.
Jason debuted his amazing dance skills for Liza's family for the first time, and
they became all the more convinced that she had chosen the right man to marry.
One year later, I received a phone call from Jason, indicating that he and
Liza had chosen to name their firstborn son, Matthew after yours truly.
Clearly a testament to the strength of the 312 framework.
>> [LAUGH] >> So
the 312 framework can enable you to develop a speech that is memorable,
inspirational, and funny.
For the wedding couple that you're speaking to and
connecting them to their audience.
And if you're lucky, you may just get the name of their
firstborn child in the process, thank you.
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