our next guest is a talented comedian from boston he's featured this month on hbo's seventh annual
young comedian show please welcome a young comedian a terrific one mr stephen wright
thanks stones i love the stones i can't believe they're still doing it after all these years
watching whenever i can fred and barney
last summer i drove cross country with a friend of mine we split the drive and we switched every half
mile the whole way across we only had one cassette tape to listen to i i can't remember what it was
it was good though i liked it we were in selena utah when we
were arrested for not going through a green light
we pleaded maybe
i was feeling good i just received my bachelor's degree in calcium anthropology study of milkman
i was traveling with my friend george some people think george
is weird because he has sideburns behind his ears
i think he's weird because he has false teeth but he has braces on them
yeah last summer i uh last time i went camping accidentally borrowed a circus tent
i didn't know until i got there and i set it up
people were complaining because they couldn't see the lake
there was a forest nearby it wasn't just any forest it's a forest where they get paneling
it was a long thin forest
my friend george is a radio announcer and when he walks under a bridge you can't hear him talk
i'm playing a trip to spain so i bought an album that teaches you the language
you put the album on you put headphones on you learn the language while you're sleeping
during the night the record skipped i got up the next day i could only stutter in spanish
but when i go i'm flying i'm flying air bazaar
it's a good airline you buy a combination one way round trip ticket
you leave any monday and they bring you back the previous friday
that way you still have the weekend
the ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays helter skelter
i woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me if i slept good i said no i made a few mistakes
it's a small world but i wouldn't want to paint it
one time the police stopped me for speeding they said don't you know the speed limit is
55 miles an hour i said yeah i know but i wasn't gonna be out that long
i have a three-year-old dog i named him stay
he was a lot of fun when he was a puppy because when i
called him i said come here stay come here stay
he'd go
he's a lot smarter than that now now when i calmly just ignore me and keep on typing
i don't walk them anymore i walk them all at once
are there any questions last night i had a dream that all
the babies prevented by the pill showed up
they were mad
i was cesarean born you can't really tell
although whenever i leave a house i go out through the window
thanks a lot thanks
that's very nice thanks i'm sorry uh you were to be on the show a while back
uh and we didn't get to you and i'm glad you could be here tonight thank you very much for coming
back now where do you live because i said you're originally from boston are you still there i live
in los angeles and i'm from boston uh-huh it's really not that far if you fold the map and hop
that's true that folded properly no trouble at all to make that interesting you've done that yeah
uh now what did you do before uh you got into stand-up comedy i was a proof reader
for a publishing company and i was uh i had a job in college where i would
i would uh get a job where i would do things and they paid me
no no i uh i it was a medical lab and i would go around to the universities and i would pick up
samples people were being tested to see if they had gonorrhea and i would have this jar
full of petri dishes full of cultures with gonorrhea and i'd be driving around boston
hoping that i didn't have a collision
and then i imagine like being with a woman
years later saying that yes i do have gonorrhea but i got it in a car accident
that's uh that's an ugly ugly notion yeah uh if you uh now has you're doing very well
you're quite successful aren't you and uh what's going on yeah doing pretty well now
this do you find that uh you haven't your personal life has improved as a result of this
it's the same it's it's the same it's uh it's the same same i'm just older
how do you find girls uh something are they more interested into interested in you now no no
no no i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend now she's
uh she's a bilingual illiterate she can't read in two different languages
uh all right we're gonna uh we have to pause here
we'll be back with stephen wright folks hotel accommodations for most guests of late night with
david letterman finished by berkshire place a dunphy classic hotel in exchange for this
announcement for reservations at dunphy hotels in the u.s and europe call toll-free 800-228-2121
okay uh we're done before the night folks i want to thank mr stephen wright very nice
nice meeting and thanks for coming back sir and uh
also my thanks to uh emily prager uh paul shea from the band bill wendell and of course santa