>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR AND
COMEDIAN WHO IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR STAND-UPS IN THE WORLD.
HE NOW STARS IN THE NEW FILM "AMERICAN DREAMER."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MR. JIM GAFFIGAN.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
>> I DIDN' THE HUG.
I'M NOT A HUGGER.
>> Stephen: WE ALMOST HUGGED.
WE ALMOST HUGGED.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN STOP THERE.
>> Stephen: I'M IN SHOW BUSINESS.
>> YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M GOOD.
>> Stephen: END OF THE SUMMER, END OF THE SUMMER.
DID YOU HAVE SUMMER FUN.
DID YOU PUT THE WHOLE TRIBE IN THE FAMILY TRUCKSTER?
>> I DID SOME SHOWS IN EUROPE AND I BROUGHT THE WHOLE FAMILY.
>> Stephen: OH-LA-LA.
>> BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE MONEY.
>> Stephen: THE WIFE AND THE FIVE KIDS?
>> FIVE KIDS.
>> Stephen: ALL TO EUROPE?
>> ALL TO EUROPE.
AND IT WAS AMAZING.
I DID SOME SHOWS IN SPAIN WHERE I GREW UP.
AND SO-- I DIDN'T GROW UP THERE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THEY DON'T KNOW.
THEY DON'T KNOW JIM GAFFIGAN.
>> THEY DON'T KNOW.
BUT SPAIN -- >> Stephen: WAIT, WAIT.
YOU'RE NOT DOING YOUR STUFF IN SPANISH?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: WHO'S YOUR AUDIENCE?
>> PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND ENGLISH.
( LAUGHTER )
NICELY DONE.
>> BUT SPAIN WAS AMAZING.
OF COURSE, IT'S-- THEY CALL IT ESPANNIA.
I THINK IT'S STRANGE THAT WE CALL THEIR COUNTRY A DIFFERENT
NAME.
THAT SEEMS KIND OF RUDE.
>> Stephen: WE CALL GERMANY-- >> DEUTSCHLAND.
YOU WOULD THINK IT'S I COME FROM ESPANNIA.
"OH, SPAIN, RIGHT?" YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT TO ANOTHER
HUMAN.
I LOVE SPAIN.
WHEN I WAS THERE, THERE WAS THE RUNNING WITH THE BULLS IN
PAMPLONA.
>> Stephen: DID YOU RUN?
>> NO, NOT AT ALL.
>> Stephen: WHY?
YOU HAVE LEGS?
>> BECAUSE I HAVE SOMEWHAT OF A BRAIN.
FIRST OF ALL, THE RUNNING WITH THE BULLS, YOU KNOW, NOBODY IS
RUNNING WITH THE BULLS.
( LAUGHTER )
THESE BULLS AREN'T JOGGING PARTNERS, YOU KNOW.
IT'S NOT HOW YOU TRAIN FOR A MARATHON.
PEOPLE ARE VOLUNTARILY RUNNING AWAY FROM BULLS BECAUSE THEY'RE
INSANE.
>> Stephen: IT'S RUN AGO IT'S RUNNING FROM THE BULLS.
>> AND THERE'S ALWAYS A COUPLE OF AMERICANS THAT RUN WITH THE
BULLS.
AND THEY INTERVIEW THEM THE NEXT DAY IN THE HOSPITAL.
( LAUGHTER )
LIKE, "YEAH, I WAS OVER HERE ON SPAIN ON VACATION AND I HEARD
ABOUT THE RUNNING WITH THE BULLS, AND I HAVEN'T WORKED OUT
IN 30 YEARS, BUT I KNOW I'M FASTER THAN A COUP.
ANYWAY, I DID IT, AND I GOT GORED."
IN SPAIN, THEY'RE DOING STUFF-- THEY RUN WITH THE BULLS.
THEY ALSO FIGHT THE BULLS.
THERE'S BULL FIGHTING, WHICH IF YOU LIKED IT LOOKS MORE LIKE
BULL AVOIDING.
WHOA!
IT'S LIKE, IS THAT HOW THE SPANISH FIGHT?
"YOU WANT TO GO, BRO?
ALL RIGHT, LET ME GET MY GOLD PANTS AND MY RED BLANKY, AND
THEN WE'LL GO AT IT."
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE SOME REAL PROBLEMS WITH SOME OF SPANISH
CULTURE IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
>> I LOVE IT!
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT TAPAS.
>> TAPAS-- TAPASSA GREAT.
BUT I LIKE LARGER PORTIONS.
I LIKE LARGER PORTIONS.
PIAA-- BY THE WAY, THIS WHOLE SHOW IS ABOUT SPAIN.
PAELLA, IT'S LIKE THEY TOOK ALL THE DISGUSTING THINGS FROM THE
OCEAN AND DUMPED IT IN A BOWL OF RICE.
THAT'S GROSS.
>> Stephen: DELICIOUS.
NOW BACK HERE IN THE STATES, BACK IN THE STATES, YOU'RE KNOWN
FOR HAVING A PROBLEM OR TWO WITH SOME OF OUR-- TRENDS IN OUR
CULTURE.
ANYTHING BOTH BOTHERING YOU RIGHT NOW?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I MEA YEAH.
YOU KNOW, THE WORLD'S ENDING.
BUT I WOULD SAY, GENERALLY, THERE'S AN OVERALL MISUSE OF THE
PRAYER HANDS EMOJI.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
>> PEOPLE HAVE -- >> Stephen: I'VE GOTTEN A FEW
RECENTLY?
>> YOU'LL GET A TEXT FROM SOMEONE, AND THEY'LL SAY, "SEE
YOU AT DINNER," PRAYER HANDS.
AND IT'S LIKE, "NO, NO PRAYER-- ARE YOU NOT GOING TO MAKE IT?
ARE YOU PRAYING FOR ME?
ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE EAT HANDS?
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?" AND, ALSO, THE PRAYER HANDS
INDICATES THEY'RE PRAYING FOR YOU.
"SO YOU'RE PRAYING FOR ME BUT YOU'RE TOO LAZIY TO TYPE OUT
'I'M PRAYING FOR YOU'VE"?
>> Stephen: "I'M PRAYING FOR YOU" I ALWAYS THOUGHT HAS A
SLIGHTLY HOSTILE VIBE TO IT.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE, "I'LL PRAY FOR YOU."
"OH, REALLY, IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?"
>> IT'S KIND OF LIKE, "BLESS HER HEART."
SHE'S A MESS.
>> Stephen: BLESS HER HEART BECAUSE SHE HAS NO ORGAN UP
HERE.
EXACTLY.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, NOT LAST TIME-- ONE OF THE TIMES YOU WERE
ON HERE YOUR LOVELY WIFE AND WRITING PARTNER JEANIE HAD A
BRAIN TUMOR BUT SHE'S FINE NOW.
>> SHE'S-- YOU CAN'T HAVE A PEAR-SHAPED TUMOR REMOVED AND GO
BACK TO 100%.
BUT HER 90% IS LIKE ME AT 150.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
SO SHE'S THAT IMPRESSIVE.
AND, YOU KNOW, JEANIE AND I DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
WE HAVE WRITTEN TWO BOOKS TOGETHER.
OF COURSE SHE GETS DONE SURVIVING A BRAIN TUMOR AND SHE
DECIDES TO WRITE A BOOK AT BIT.
AND AT ONE POINT I WAS LIKE, "DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP?"
AND SHE WAS LIKE, "NO, NOT REALLY."
SO IT WAS LIKE MY WRITING PARTNER FIRED ME.
IT IS A VERY PERSONAL STORY.
AND IT'S A GREAT BOOKO I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT COMING OUT.
>> Stephen: WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE.
YOU HAVE A CERTAIN LEVEL OF RELIGIOSITY.
YOU DON'T BANG A DRUM ABOUT IT, BUT THEY STILL LET YOU GO TO
CHURCH.
>> THEY STILL, I ALWAYS-- EVERY TIME I WALK IN CHURCH I FEEL
LIKE SOMEONE IS GOING TO STOP ME AND GO, "WE'VE DISCOVERED YOU'RE
A MONSTER.
YOU CAN'T COME IN."
BUT I AM TRYING.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE ONLY SHOW IN AMERICA WHERE IT TURNS TO
LIKE, "WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAITH, JIM?"
( LAUGHTER )
LOVE IT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BUT IT'S LIKE-- IT'S LIKE-- NOT THAT I WAS EVER COOL.
BUT IT'S LIKE AT A CERTAIN POINT, "HEY, I KNOW JIM IS FAT
AND OLD AND HAS FIVE KIDS, BUT I DO WANT YOU TON HE'S A RELIGIOUS
FREAK, TOO."
( LAUGHTER )
HANDS!
( APPLAUSE )
MEAN, IT'S WONDERFUL THAT JEANIE IS-- IS OKAY.
BUT I WAS WONDERING, DID THAT CHANGE YOUR VIEW OF GOD OR YOUR
SENSE OF RELIGIOSITY, OR YOUR APPROACH TO THAT WHEN YOUR WIFE,
THE WOMAN YOU LOVE MOST IN THE WORLD, WENT THROUGH THIS
HARROWING ORDEAL?
>> WELL THERE ARE SO MANY-- YOU KNOW, THERE ARE INDIVIDUALLY--
OBVIOUSLY, INDIVIDUALLY, MY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH
JESUS-- WHICH SOUNDS CRAZY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, YEAH, NO, I FOUND A LOT OF COMFORT IN THAT.
BUT I WOULD ALSO SAY THAT OUR COMMUNITY, THE CATHOLIC
COMMUNITY, AND EVEN MOST OF OUR FRIENDS ARE ATHEISTS, AND THEY
WERE, YOU KNOW, THEY WOULD SEND MESSAGES LIKE, "HEY, I'M PRAYING
FOR JEANIE" AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BE LIKE,
"BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE AN ATHEIST.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> Stephen: I'M PRAYING TO NOTHINGNESS.
>> THERE IS, SOME THE COMFORT OF THAT COMMUNITY, YOU KNOW, OUR
COMMUNITY WAS VERY SUPPORTIVE.
AND I WOULD SAY THAT-- BUT MY WIFE IS-- YOU KNOW, SHE'S THE
SPIRITUAL LEADER THAT I REALLY FOLLOW, YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: SHE'S YOUR POPE?
>> SHE'S MY POPE.
BUT, YEAH, NO, SHE TALKS ABOUT HER FAITH A LOT IN THE BOOK.
AND I JUST GET NERVOUS.
WHICH IS WHY YOU BRING IT UP.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GET NERVOUS?
>> I GET NERVOUS BECAUSE IT'S-- YOU KNOW, MY-- IT'S IMPERFECT,
MY FAITH.
>> Stephen: OH, UNLIKE MINE WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY--
>> WELL, I THINK THAT -- >> Stephen: SOLID GOLD, BABY!
>> I THINK PEOPLE ASSUME, "HE ADMITTED HE BELIEVES IN GOD SO
HE HAS TO BE PERFECT."
THAT'S NOT THE CASE.
I NEED TO BELIEVE THAT THERE IS SOME GREATER POWER THAT IS
FORGIVING ME FOR BEING THE MONSTER I AM.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE JIM GAFFIGAN.
YOU'LL SEE HIM LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.
IT'S QUITE DISTURBING.