Welcome back.
So one thing that Ellen and I have in common
is that we both like kids.
But unlike Ellen, I have kids of my own.
And as a dad, I feel like I have a lot of wisdom
to share with the younger generation.
So I sat down with some kids to talk about school and life.
Here's how it went.
[MUSIC - X AMBASSADORS, "BOOM"]
(SINGING) My feet go boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Is this-- hi.
Is this the right room?
Yes.
Oh, OK, good.
How you guys doing?
Good!
Good?
I'm Jason.
And your name is Maddy.
Yeah.
I can spell my name in like a second.
M-A-D-D-Y.
Yeah, that's good.
That's real good.
Can you spell your name backwards?
I can spell my name backwards in a second.
Go.
Y-D-D-D-- Y-D-D-A-M.
We both know that was more than a second, right?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
And this is why we just should stay hungry, stay humble.
Do I look familiar at all?
Uh-uh.
Have you ever seen-- did you ever watch "Saturday Night
Live" between 2005 and 2013?
You did?
OK.
So yeah, your parents are cool, but also questionable, right?
Yeah.
I never saw--
What are you-- wait, what's going on there, Aliyah?
You got--
I did a hair flip.
Let me see it.
Let me see.
Let me see what you got.
OK, yeah--
[THUD]
Oh!
[AUDIENCE GROANING]
Are you all right?
Did you sign a waiver, by the way?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
So I'm going to ask you guys a few questions,
you let me know what's going on.
Do your parents do annoying things?
I love cherries.
You love cherries?
OK.
Your parents.
Do they ever do anything that annoys you?
They just relax and have fun and watch TV.
And that's annoying, because you want
them to bring home that bacon.
Yeah.
I hear you.
They just suddenly come and interrupt
me when I'm in the middle of "Harry Potter."
Oh my goodness.
And by the way, it's in my backpack.
You're back-- speaking of your backpacks,
hold them up in front of you.
Let me see what we got here.
Because you can tell a lot about a person's personality,
I think, from their backpack here.
OK, so--
[THUD]
Sorry!
That's OK.
That's just gravity.
You don't have to apologize for gravity.
So my man Jackson, you've got Darth Vader here,
who's gone through some recent rhinoplasty.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
I can do Yoda.
You know who Yoda is?
Yeah.
He's the small green guy.
His size and the color of his skin.
Way to go, Jackson.
All right, no.
This is Yoda.
(YODA ACCENT) Mm.
Mm.
Not bad, right?
You can have that.
Yeah.
What's going on over there, Aliyah?
It's--
Oh, your homework.
Like this.
It's my name.
Yeah, and your handwriting.
Look at that.
If I studied this long enough, I could steal your identity.
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]
Get a credit card just like that.
Why don't you put that back in?
Yeah, there you go.
You can put that back in.
Are you forgetting about someone's backpack right here?
OK.
All right.
Let's see what we got.
Do you know Harry Potter's real name?
Uh, no.
Harold.
Harold Potter.
No, that's not right!
That's not right!
His name is Harry Potter!
Well, I know.
But on his birth certificate, Harold.
No!
His name's just Harry.
May I see your backpack, Aliyah, please?
I appreciate your guys' trust.
Me?
You know what I have in my backpack at any given time?
Three passports, $40,000 in cash.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Does anyone know Charlie Charlie?
Charlie Charlie?
It's a ghost game.
It is?
Do you dabble in the dark arts?
No.
OK.
Just checking.
No, no, no.
My friend does.
Oh, good!
Yeah, no, it's good to have a friend that does.
Have a friend that dabbles in the dark arts.
And don't buy a boat.
Have a friend that has a boat.
Why?
So you don't have to pay the docking fees, bud!
What about the eraser?
The eraser?
Yeah, you can eat it.
Go ahead.
No, I'm not gonna eat it!
Eat it, eat-- no, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
No, no, no.
[CHUCKLES]
Image if you didn't understand when your mom--
Actually, I had to do that before!
Well, now hold on, Ethan, this guy's talking.
We got to let Jackson--
Imagine if your mom, you didn't understand her,
but she said go fishing, then you didn't understand
when you just got your fish before, you just picked it,
and it came out, la, la, la.
Okay, Ethan, you can interrupt now.
This is going nowhere.
You like Mario?
Yeah?
What's your favorite Mario game?
"Super Mario Brothers 2."
You know, a lot of times, sequels--
I mean, you know this--
big letdown.
Not "Super Mario Brothers 2."
Not "Godfather II" either, right?
Right?
The godfathers live in Cinderella movie.
Oh, you're thinking of the fairy godmother.
Yeah, you said that.
I said godfather.
I was referring to a movie about the mafia.
Cosa Nostra.
Francis Ford Coppola directed it--
That's movie's not even real!
[SIGHS]
Oh, this generation.
Yes, Aliyah, what's up?
My brother knows magic.
Whoa.
I have a weird thumb.
Check this out.
Ready?
[GROANS]
[KIDS LAUGHING]
The final thing.
Life advice.
Jackson, you got anything?
What have you learned about life that you'd
like to share with me?
Uh, stay with your family?
Very well said.
And you know what?
Appropriately timed, because I was questioning it.
So thank you.
Mm?
Maddy.
When a stranger walks up to you, and they're
going to try to kidnap you, just punch them in the stomach.
Great.
Oh, and that's actually part of the story that I had to tell.
Once, my friend--
You know what, Maddy?
Why don't we put a pin in it right now,
and I want to hear that story off camera, OK?
And I'm going to have you talk to a police officer.
Thank you so much for taking time out
of your jobs to come hang out and talk to me.
I really appreciate it.
Again, my name is Jason, and if you
have any interest in buying Cutco knives,
speak to me after the cameras wrap.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICK]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Yeah.
Thank you, kids.
We'll be right back.