Hey it’s Marie Forleo, and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business
and life you love.
And this is Q&A Tuesday.
And it’s a very special day, you know why?
Because it’s Q&A Tuesday!
Anyway, today’s question comes from Alison and she writes...
I’ve gotta tell you something.
I’m a little frisky today because I have a very special belt on.
It’s like a She-Ra belt.
I feel like a superhero.
I don’t know if you can see this thing, but it’s got spikes and it’s amazing.
Back to you.
Ok.
Allison writes,
“Hi Marie, I’m struggling to come into my own as an adult.
I’m 30 and self sufficient, however I have yet to really flourish.
I don’t have a career I love, a relationship, or kids.
The upside is I have a blank slate.
The down side is I'm kinda freakin’ out.
I know what I want but it just ain't happening.
I'm afraid of getting clear because I've been disappointed so much in the past 10 years.
How do we get clear about what we want, surrender to it, and then apply ourselves?
Please help a girl out.
Love Alison, your sister from another mister.”
Alison, this is a great question and I want you to know that millions of people around
the world struggle with this same issue, so you are not alone.
But the first thing I want to point out is there’s a contradiction in your question.
First you said, “I know what I want but it just ain’t happening.”
Then you said you’re afraid of getting clear and then you asked me for advice on how to
get clear, surrender, and apply yourself.”
Here’s the thing Alison.
I believe you DO know what you want.
And the reason I know that is because you said it.
And I quote: “I know what I want, it just ain’t happening.”
You also said you’re not flourishing because you don’t have a career you love, a relationship,
or kids.
Sounds to me like THOSE are exactly the things that you want.
But here’s the problem.
You’ve had so much disappointment over the past decade that you’re afraid to admit
that you still want those things.
Because if you did, you would RISK further rejection and failure and heartbreak.
And rather than do that, you’re gonna create a SAFE new problem to get lost in called “I
don’t know what I want.”
And for 99% of us, “I don’t know what I want” is total B.S.
Deep down we all know what we want, we’re just afraid that either we’re not good enough
to get it OR if we go for it and try, we’re gonna fail or get rejected or somehow just
not do it and then we’re not gonna be loved and we’re gonna look stupid and we’re
gonna fail.
As Lao Tzu says (and it’s a Tweetable)
“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know
what you want.”
So the first step to getting anything you want in life is to BE HONEST about what that
actually is.
You’ve got to name it to claim it and Alison, you’ve already done that, so great work.
So the next step is to take action that’s consistent with what you want.
So if you want to find a partner, you need to start going on some dates.
And if you want more love in your life, you need to start BEING more loving right now.
If you want an awesome book on the subject, read Make Every Man Want You: How To Be So
Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself.
And it’s not just for the ladies.
Getting what you what you want doesn’t always happen overnight.
So you may hit some challenges or some roadblocks.
And when you do, that little voice is going to pop up in your head and it’s gonna say,
“Oh, you know, maybe I can’t get this.
Or maybe this isn’t what I deserve.
Or maybe I don’t really want this.”
The true challenge here isn’t about “getting clear” on what you want - it’s owning
that you ARE clear, and being courageous and resilient enough to go after your dreams and
make them a reality.
Alison, that was my A to your Q. I hope it’s helpful, and you’ve gotta keep us posted
on your journey.
I know you can have everything you want in this life and more.
Now I’d love to hear from you.
Do you ever get caught up in the “I don’t know what I want” trap because you’re
afraid to really OWN your deepest desires and go after the thing that you really want?
Have you ever experienced something like Alison did and what did you do?
I wanna hear your story.
As always, the best stuff happens after the episode at MarieForleo.com, so go there now
and leave a comment.
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Stay on your game and keeping going for your dreams.
The world needs that special gift that only YOU have.
Thank you so much for watching and I’ll see you next time on MarieTV!