- So my first job,
I worked at a horse racing track.
- Okay, that's good.
- I would seat all the pilled up old ladies.
- Yeah, yeah, yup.
- And I babysat my cousin one time.
- Oh, there you go.
- For a whole summer,
and the great trick was I taught him to go to bed
at 3:00 a.m., so he'd wake up at like 1:00 p.m.,
his mom would come home at three,
only had to watch him for two hours.
- Perfect.
- Come and watch American Gladiator, jump--
- There you go scheming,
I mean ruined his cycle. - I ruined his whole life.
I ruined his whole life. - Yeah, 100%, literally.
But, that's a good way to make money right there.
- Thanks brother.
(upbeat guitar rock)
- Welcome to Stupid Questions,
I am Chris Distefano,
AKA Viking Head,
and we are with Casey James Salengo,
AKA Cutie With a Bootie,
and he has got an album out.
It's called Wild Country Phoenix.
And you also have a great podcast called
The Good, the Dad, and the Ugly.
There it is.
- Look at that hand, that's a thick hand.
- I appreciate that,
that is a hand that gets a lot of work.
- Woo hoo hoo.
- [Chris] Wow.
(upbeat guitar rock)
- What mythical creature would you like to ride?
- Cerberus.
- What's a Cerberus?
- Three-headed dog.
- Yeah.
- Protector of the river Styx.
- Yeah!
- Ride him through Hades.
- [Chris] Yeah.
(makes horse clomping noise with mouth)
Dude is scrapping.
- Dude, I wanna ride (bleep) Dumbo.
- Is that mythical thing?
- It's a flying elephant.
- Sure. - With ears.
- I know who Dumbo is. (laughing)
- It's not just a neighborhood, you hipster shits.
- Whoa!
(upbeat guitar rock)
- If you could change your first name,
what would you change it to?
- When I was younger, I moved to a new school,
and I told everyone Casey was short for Casanova.
So, I changed it to Casanova.
- Wow!
- And everyone found out so everyone
at school called me Nova.
It was the coolest I've ever been.
- That's hilarious!
- And then one time somebody called my house,
looking for me,
and my mom's like, I just hear my mom go,
"What? Casa, no, what?"
And she goes,
"Casey, what the (bleep) are
"you telling people at school?"
(upbeat guitar rock)
If you were given a nickname off a diner menu,
what would you be called?
What would be, it's gotta be from a diner menu.
- Tuna melt.
- Yeah, baby.
- Wouldn't that be cool?
- Yeah, the tuna melt.
- It's tuna, like a tough fish.
- I feel like you'd be the Monte Christo.
- Saucy, ooh, yeah!
Well--
- Reuben, you could look like a Reuben.
- I didn't think about it long enough.
- Is there, like do you like tuna and cheese, or--
- I feel like a tuna is like a scrappy fish, you know?
- It is a scrappy fish.
- I consider myself pretty scrappy.
The cheese, the melted cheese is a layer of elegance.
So I'm kinda like the scrappy guy with a layer of elegance.
- Tuna is a scrappy fish when you think about it.
- Yeah, man.
Nobody gives any respect.
Just like me, I don't get respected,
but I'm hey, listen, I've been here since day one
and I'm gonna be here 'til the end.
And they gonna love me.
- And I stink.
- And I (bleep) stink. (laughing)
(upbeat guitar rock)
- How did you learn the truth about Santa Claus?
- So I walked downstairs to get my stocking.
I'm coming down the stairs, I look on the couch.
I see my uncle butt naked.
My uncle is around my house,
big alcoholic, you know, fun guy.
- Duh!
- But was completely naked.
- Right.
- Next to the Christmas tree, some half-wrapped presents.
Clearly something had gone awry.
I'm like, well, alright, uh.
So I go around the corner, the stocking is not filled.
- Right.
I start wailing crying.
- Sure.
- My mom just says, "Go to bed!
"Go back to bed."
So I go back to bed.
Her boyfriend goes down, wrangles my uncle Randy
in the other room, throws him under the dining room table.
And then he starts wrapping the gifts.
And I'm like alright, well this seems
like Santa wasn't involved in this particular magic.
- Right.
And so you just figure it out.
- So I figure it out, but I see my uncle Randy's balls.
(upbeat guitar rock)
- Did you have a good time on Stupid Questions?
- I had such a good time, man.
Thanks for asking me questions.
- Dude, of course, bro, come on.
- Had fun hanging with you, you're a fun dude.
- You get a stupid gift.
So here's what we got you.
- Oh my god, a baby kitty!
- This is a blind cat singing karaoke.
I just figured you're a guy.
You like cats.
- I love cats.
- You like karaoke.
- Baby.
You're the best. - There it is.
- I didn't know you knew so much about me.
This is my best friend. - Absolutely, dude.
Cats and karaoke, you talk about it a lot.
And there you go, there it is.
What's its name?
- Chordley.
This is Chordley the cat.
- Sit on my arm like this.
- [Chris] There it is.
- This is the best day of my life, folks.
- [Chris] Yes.
- (kissing noise) I love---
- You know he can eat tuna.
- Ah, tuna melt, me and tuna--
- It's just you.
Don't let the cat eat you.
- Thanks, man.
Give us a hug.
Give him a kiss.
(kissing noise)
- God, dude, you smell like tuna.
(laughing)