How do you deal
with a girl's major insecurities?
(Music)
So, the first thing to realize is that
she acts like a crazy person
and does all these crazy things,
these insecure things
because she doesn't trust herself.
It's not that she doesn't trust you,
she doesn't trust herself
to make good judgment calls.
So, either something's happened in her...
In previous relationships,
but probably they stem from you know childhood stuff.
So, she didn't have a...
Well, you can say she had daddy issues
but either there was an abusive parent
or her dad abandoned her in some way,
either he wasn't present in the household
or he worked too much
or he divorced the mom and left
or he never was involved
or he died.
Whatever it is
women often have a difficult time
in relationships when they have primarily daddy issues,
but it can also be mommy issues.
So, it doesn't matter
it's whatever happened, happened
and it's created this internal conflict
where she doesn't know
how to have a healthy relationship
because it's never been shown to her.
She hasn't had an example of that
in her life.
And her examples of love relationship
or what should be love relationship
is skewed because of the stuff that she's gone through
and it's probably been reflected
in other relationships before you
if she's had a relationship before you.
But if there are a lot of insecurities
there's only so much that you can do.
And I'm going to give you a suggestion
that's going to sound kind of weird
but the thing is, is that
because she had, she likely had
if this is the case,
daddy issues when she was young.
Then what she's really probably looking for
is a this is so fodian,
but she's looking for a father figure in a way.
So, don't get all dirty pervy on me here,
but she needs somebody,
a man who can be solid, grounded,
set boundaries,
not put up with her shit,
but still love her.
Or treat her well and treat her with respect
so you have to treat yourself with respect
so she'll respect you
and then you treat her with respect
while still setting boundaries.
So, that doesn't mean you fly off the handle,
you get all crazy or you chase her.
You don't chase her you treat her like
a naughty toddler.
No, you don't take her
over your knee and spank her.
Well, you can do that,
but you got to wait till
you're in the make up stage.
Otherwise, that's just like
going off the deep down there.
So, essentially you need to be
the man that she never had in her life.
And once she can see
that she can trust you to be that guy,
then she'll eventually trust you enough
to stop being so insecure.
So, be the father figure that she lacked,
but father figure doesn't mean complete dominance.
It just means standing up for yourself
and setting appropriate boundaries
and not letting her get away
with cheeky little girl behavior,
but at the same time allowing her to come back
if the behavior changes.
And actually another really great book to read is
by Dr Henry Cloud BOUNDARIES.
BOUNDARIES is a book you need to read
and if you are in a relationship
and you really need to end that relationship
you should read Dr. Henry Cloud's book
NECESSARY ENDINGS.
So, what are the things that
a father figure would do?
Well, if she's exhibiting bad behavior
there's three things that you can do
an example if she asks you
you know an insecure question
or messages you something insecure
is just completely ignore it.
If she texts you and say
are you going out with your friends tonight?
And you know that, that's a leading question
then you can just say no,
hey, you want to catch a movie or whatever.
Just cut it off
before it gets any further than it needs to go.
So, you're going to be teasing and playful
and treat her like a bratty little sister
and pretend that she's just kind of
maybe she's testing you
and you're amused by it.
So, you can just kind of
play with it a little bit and give her a chance to
maybe come to her senses and say okay, yeah,
yeah, I didn't want to go there I shouldn't have said that
you're basically giving her a chance to save face.
So, an example of this would be
if she text you
or says to you
when she's not irate
if you can tell,
she says are you talking to your ex again?
And you say no, are you awake?
So, that would be your reply.
So, that's a way of being playful and teasing her
and letting her know that you're not doing anything wrong,
but at the same time
you want to make light of it
so you can move on to another topic.
And then the last thing you can do is
if she accuses you of flirting with the waitress.
You can say no, that didn't happen
and if I can't take you out for a nice dinner
then I might have to go solo next time
and then move on.
And she will probably freak out.
Well, she might freak out she might not
depends on if you stand your ground
because she needs to know that you're solid,
but at the same time, you need to also not be doing things
that are not within the confines
of what you both agree
are the values of the relationship.
So, if flirting is okay for you
and it's not okay for her,
your values don't align.
It doesn't matter about her insecurities.
You both think flirting is not okay
well, you got to not flirt,
but you have to stand your ground
and you have to be able to not let her get away
with bad behavior,
even if she walks away.
If she walks away do not chase her
just go straight into some of my other videos
about how to get your ex back,
if you even want her back.
Most of the time, it's not worth getting back
you have to discover that for yourself.
And what happens with toddlers
when they get disciplined by their dads
they go away, they throw tantrums,
they cry,
eventually they come back
with their cute little doe eyes
and their wet eyelashes all stuck together
they're super adorable
and they often act like nothing's happened.
So, you've got to train her
how to treat you.
And if you don't do it
then she will run the show
just like ill behaved children.
Honestly guys, I was so insecure
and the problem is,
is that I did have a man who was a father figure
and he helped me get through my insecurities,
but guess what happened in the end?
I grew past him, I grew out of it,
I was like hmm, I'm no longer stimulated,
no longer needing what he was able to provide for me
and we ended up breaking up
and I know that is a terrible thing
and it was really painful
you know the whole time we were together
there was a lot of drama over my insecurities
and then once we got past that
we had to actually look at what our relationship
was really like.
How compatible were we?
We weren't really actually that compatible
beyond all the drama.
So, if that's you,
if you're like with a drama queen
because of her insecurities
even if you help her get through all those
there's no guarantee that she's going to stay with you.
So, you really need to be set,
grounded in your masculinity
with your own value system
solid in place, don't put up with shit.
A man who can't stand up to a woman
can't stand up for a woman
that's a quote from Dr Robert Glover,
from the book No More Mr Nice Guy,
which everybody should read.
I'll put a link in the comments below
for you for that book.
Try and work through your insecurities together
because the only way you would be with someone who
have that many insecurities
is probably because you have insecurities.
And the second part of that is that
if you don't think you have insecurities
you probably do or you have ego issues because
if you don't think you have insecurities
and you're still rescuing damsels
there's an ego attached to that
that comes from somewhere in your childhood.
That you're probably not even aware of
needing to rescue someone.
Maybe you have money issues
and you felt like you needed to rescue your mom
or you couldn't rescue your mom.
Or whatever happened in your childhood
that would make you want to be with a broken woman
so there's some stuff
that you're going to have to look at there too
and you might find that you can
work through some of this stuff together
because most people are attracted
to our emotional equal, right.
So, we come together in relationships
to work through our stuff
and sometimes were able to get through it together
and sometimes we grow or they grow
and then we move on to other relationships
to continue our growth,
but the hard work has to be done when you're in a relationship
and you can choose to go far as you want to go
in a relationship working through your stuff and her stuff.
Or you can go solo
and work on your stuff
or you can go to a therapist and work on your stuff.
But if you are with someone
who is super insecure and you've got stuff
I guarantee that we all have stuff.
Well, I think I've met one person
in my life who didn't really have stuff.
So, that's how rare it is.
So, don't beat yourself up
and find some compassion for yourself
and for the girl.
But at the same time,
don't undervalue yourself
by staying in a situation
that is really, really dysfunctional
just to save her because she might not stay with you.
And you're not going to win her over
for the long haul
just because you helped her get through the stuff.
So, unless you're benefiting
by getting through your own garbage
then you really have to look
at whether or not this relationship
is appropriate and healthy.
And if you don't want to be in a relationship
with an ill behaved adult child
then you need to walk away from the deal.
And work on why you were there to begin with
because there's something in you
that's attracted to damsels in distress
not in this dress in distress
and that's something that you need to work on.
And guess what, it's super common
men want to be the hero,
they want to fix things they want to rescue women,
and it's just not...
It's not healthy, it's not good
no es bueno
I hope that this is helpful
and if you have a situation
that you like some advice on
write it in the comments below
like, share, subscribe,
and share this
if you know someone who is going through a tough time
with a really insecure girl
and I'll see you next video.
I don't know where that came from.