Imagine
Husband is doing in the house, he's chilling and watching TV.
Wife comes inside the house, very common experience
Wife comes in, shoes flying over there,
T-shirt, coat lying on the floor somewhere.
Dishes not washed up lying in the sink.
What's gonna happen next?
**Laughing**
He's chilling out watching TV, right?
So he's on a wavelength where he's chilled, right?
He's thinking in his head,
"Okay, those things I'm gonna do after I chill out."
After I chill out I'm gonna get up on and tidy up after myself
She comes in, she's busy.
She's gotta make stuff. She sees this mess.
She goes really?
He left it for me.
Yeah?
Now what happens?
She says
She gets angry.
Instead of saying can you please sort this out for five minutes and then go back to your TV?
She gets angry because it's happened many times before.
So she'll say
What is this?
Everytime I tell you, you do this.
You do this wrong, you made a mess. I am fed up.
She's angry.
She's reacting with anger.
She's not saying what she was
She's just giving her anger first.
What she wants is
Get rid of this stuff and go back to what you're doing.
Leave me alone.
Just don't leave this mess.
I don't want to see it.
But she doesn't say that.
She comes with anger.
Now, here's the thing that happens next.
The guy has got two choices.
Either you listen to the anger or you listen to what's behind the anger.
Behind the anger is, tidy this stuff up
And go back to what you are doing.
And don't do it again
But the guy will say,
You got two options now, either he can say you're right
Sorry, you said it too many times.
I forgot I'll pick up this stuff and I'll sit right down watch my TV
No, what would he do?
**Audience Answering**
No!
He will say you always give me stress, can't you see I'm watching?
Then he will say what about you?
This morning or yesterday you did this wrong.
You never listen to me either.
Now what's happened is?
instead of having
One person get angrier, other person cool it down and we gone back to peace.
Now one person got angry, other person is got even more angry.
Now this person says
LEH - General Disapproval
Didn't even hear what I said
Didn't even pick up the clothes and
He's now shouting back at me
How dare he?
And then I'll tell you something
Then they go *BANG*
Next punch comes even stronger, right?
So now you're getting a war building up
The person says,
You do this every time let me tell you something about you
They'll tell you something what you did last week and the week after
Now the guy is feeling really attacked.
He's now watches TV
He thought, he will shout back and she would leave him alone.
Now he's thinking she's behind my blood
And he reacts it in even more anger
Then you have a fight building up
But if we listen to what's behind the anger,
All is that one person is upset with this stuff.
Okay, so deal with it
Then if the woman heard,
Oh! I'm so sorry. I left these things in the way must be really annoying
I keep forgetting, must really annoy you I'm sorry.
I will take it out.
You carry on with your work.
She's like Ah!
She finds peace.
Yeah?
So there's a way of listening to what's being said
And not the anger.
Anger is like irrelevant to listen to,
There's no benefit in it.
Paying attention to the anger doesn't help anybody.
Listen to the point behind the anger
The point is you upset this person and you probably have upset this person many many times
But in the same thing over and over again,
So just apologize for what you did wrong,
Clear up and that upset might go away
Now the thing is inside us are emotions.
Emotions, they cloud your judgment.
So the emotion comes up,
Do we have to react?
Well, this is an emotion
Maya (illusion), manifests itself in these emotions.
The emotion comes up
Burns
Fire is coming
What do you do next, when the fire comes?
Do you feed it?
Do you feed the fire?
Or do you cool it down?
You should cool it down.
The fire comes out, the emotion is there
Hold on to the emotion
DON'T REACT