♪ Rolling along, singing a song ♪
♪ Making up words like bling-a-bingbong ♪
- Ooh, this jump has a nice ring to it.
Don't mind if I do.
(ringing)
- Hey you, stop right there.
- Whoa!
Whoa, talk about a fruit loop, am I right?
(giggling)
- Hilarious, dude.
Listen, I'm gonna need those rings back.
- What rings?
- Well, I just saw you collect a bunch of 'em.
- Nuh uh, I don't have any rings.
I only have these hula hoops.
(laughing)
(sighing)
- Listen, just give 'em here and nobody has to get hurt.
- Oh, what's the matter?
You don't think that hula hooping is very hip?
(laughing)
- Now, hand 'em over!
- How?
I don't have any hands.
(laughing)
- That's it.
You asked for it.
- Whoa, what you gonna do?
Poke me with your porcupine pokies?
- You, you think I'm a porcupine?
Wow, do you really not know who I am?
- Nope, but I appreciate your pointed question.
(laughing)
- Uh, I'm not a porcupine, dude.
I'm actually kind of embarrassed for you
'cause I'm like, super famous.
- Oh really?
Well, that's cool.
I'm famous too.
- Heh, adorable.
Listen, kid, you don't understand.
I'm really famous.
I have a whole video game franchise and a cartoon series.
- So do I!
- Okay, but I'm on T-shirts and TV and stuff.
- So am I!
Do you know who I am?
- No, I don't know who you are.
Why on Earth would I know who you are?
- I don't know.
Why would I know who some blue porcupine is?
- For the last time, I'm not a porcupine.
- Whoa, easy.
No need to be so prickly.
(laughing)
(screams)
I'm famous for touching my tongue to my eyeball.
What are you famous for?
- This.
(video game whistling)
- Ooh!
I can do that too.
Watch me peel out!
(laughing)
(skidding)
Oh no, I peeled right out of my peel.
Ugh, stop looking, you perv.
Don't look at me.
Wah!
- I'm not looking at you.
- Everybody, porcu-perv over here is looking at me naked!
- I am not!
- Okay, I'm decent again.
Did you enjoy the show, porcu-perv?
- Stop calling me porcu-perv.
My name is Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog.
- Sonic the who-ha?
- Sonic the Hedgehog.
- Why do they call you a hedgehog?
Do you hoard plants?
- What?
- You hogging all the hedges?
Is that what you do, you pervy hedgehog?
'Cause from what I've seen, you hog all the rings.
Maybe they should call you Sonic the Ringhog.
- What, no.
They call me a hedgehog because,
why do I even waste my time with you?
Sorry, pal, but this is game over for you.
I need those rings and I need them now.
(video game whistling)
(ringing)
- Wah!
Hey, watch what you're going.
You really blew it.
(laughing)
- I am so out of here.
(video game whistling)
All right, Sonic, you can do this.
Just focus.
There's still enough time to collect
all the Chaos Emeralds and.
(record scratches)
- Hey, hey Ringhog, hey.
- Seriously?
- Hey, you dropped some hula hoops back there.
- How are you keeping pace with me?
I'm the fastest animal on the planet.
- I guess you've never dealt with fast food.
(laughing)
(groaning)
Hey, hey, what do you call a porcupine
that can't even outrun an orange?
(sighing)
- I don't know, what?
- A slow-poke.
(laughing)
Get it?
'Cause you're a porcupine and porcupines have pokies.
(laughing)
- Look, I am at the end of my rope with you.
My name is Sonic, got it?
Not porcupine, not Ringhog,
not some other pointy nickname like.
- Spike?
- Exactly.
I am very famous, so have some respect and stop calling me.
- Spike.
(groaning)
- Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?
- Are you even looking where you're going?
Spike!
(record scratches)
- Ahh!
(ringing)
No, my rings.
My rings!
- Whoa, now that's a hula of a lot of hula hoops.
(laughing)
Ptooie.
Whoa, that was a spicy seed.
Maybe I shouldn't have eaten those
flying Koopa Troopa hot wings for lunch.
(laughing)
- [Bowser] Who so dare enter my castle?
- It's a me, Mario!
- You're not Mario.
I know Mario well.
He does my plumbing.
- Okay, fine, I'm not Mario.
No need to be such a party Koopa.
(laughing)
Seriously though, you should get a new plumber.
Your pipes are clogged with all sorts of stuff.
Flowers, underwater worlds,
didn't anybody ever tell you not to flush
entire underwater worlds down your pipes?
(laughing)
(roaring)
- That laugh is like nails on a chalkboard.
You must be that Annoying Orange
everybody's been going on about.
I assume you're here to save your little girlfriend.
- Oh, I knew it.
You kidnapped Passion.
Passion, don't worry!
I'm coming for you.
- Ha ha, how adorable.
Widdle Orange is in wuv.
- Nuh uh!
- Give it up, Orange.
Everyone can totally tell you're in wuv with Passion.
- We're just friends.
- Sure, platonic friends trek through
eight entire Mushroom Kingdom worlds
to save each other all the time.
When's the wedding?
(chuckling)
(grumbles)
What's the matter, Annoying Orange?
You're looking a little Annoying Red.
(laughing)
Now then, allow me to properly introduce myself
before I kill you.
I am Bowser, king of.
(record scratches)
- Bowser?
That's a weird name.
- And the Annoying Orange is somehow better?
- Hey, I'm not annoying.
I'm a Mario.
(laughing)
- Ugh.
Tell me then, what name would be less weird for me to have?
- I don't know, something like
Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Mike.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Do you think I'm a turtle?
- Duh, I mean you look just like a turtle.
Wouldn't you a-green?
(laughing)
(grumbles)
- Does a turtle rule an entire Mushroom Kingdom?
Does a turtle have super-scary spikes?
Can a turtle do this?
(flame roars)
- Whoa, you can breathe fire?
That's a shell of a trick.
(laughing)
- Hey, I just told you, I'm not a turtle, okay!
- Yeesh, I get it.
No need to snap at me.
(laughing)
- Augh, was that a snapping turtle joke?
- You're getting it just now?
Even for a turtle, you're pretty slow.
(laughing)
(roaring)
No need to be so fiery.
(laughing)
(roaring)
Wow, I get it.
You really hammered your point home.
(laughing)
- Augh, you're so annoying.
What do I have to do to get rid of you?
- Easy, just say cowabunga!
- I will not say that.
I am not a Ninja Turtle!
I am not a turtle of any kind!
- So, you're not gonna say it?
- No.
- You sure?
- Yes.
- So you're not gonna say it?
- Correct.
- Not even once?
- No!
- Okay, okay, I get it.
Wait, what was it you weren't gonna say again?
- Cowabunga.
(laughing)
- Made you say it.
- Wha, gah, no.
I didn't mean it.
- Well, that was super classic,
dare I say Super NES classic?
(laughing)
(roaring)
But, I'm an orange of my word.
You said Cowabunga, so now I'll be on my way,
just like you axed me to.
(laughing)
- Huh?
(roaring)
(record scratches)
- Uh, are you gonna fall into the lava now or what?
- Yeah, it'll happen in a sec.
I hang here for a beat for dramatic effect before I.
(screaming)
- Whoa, that was painful.
Yowzer, Bowzer.
(laughing)
(groaning)
Hey, quiet you.
You're dead.
Well, now to save Passion and.
(record scratches)
Huh?
- Thank you, Orange, but Passion is in another castle.
- Another castle?
How many of these things are there?
(whining)
Well, I guess I'll have to keep looking for her.
- Hey, you mind if I tag along?
I'd rather not stay kidnapped here
in this super creepy castle.
- Sure, you can come.
You seem like a fungi.
(laughing)
Get it, fungi?
(laughing)
- Ehh!
Yeah, on second thought I think I'll stay here.
(whooshing)
- Hey, hey Zelda.
(sighing)
- Not this again.
- Zelda, hey.
Zelda.
Zelda!
Hey, Zelda, Zelda, Zelda, Zelda, Zelda, Zelda!
- My name is not Zelda.
- Then why did you answer to it?
(laughing)
(sighing)
- For decades now, people have been
calling me Zelda by mistake.
I'm not Zelda, I'm Link.
- Link?
What kind of weird name is that?
If I were you, I'd be aching to have people call me Zelda.
(laughing)
(groaning)
- I don't have time for this.
I have a kingdom to save.
What the?
- Well, well, well.
Look-key what I got here.
(laughing)
- Har, har, very funny.
May I have it back now?
- Sure thing, Zelda.
- My name is not Zelda, okay?
Zelda is a girl's name.
Do I look like a girl to you?
- No, I'm sorry.
I know what it's like to have an embarrassing name.
My parents named me after a color.
(laughing)
(groaning)
- They obviously named you after the food.
Now if you don't give me that key back right this instant,
I'll be forced to use this.
(record scratches)
- Go ahead, take a stab.
(laughing)
- Fine by me.
(metals clashing)
- Missed.
(grunting)
Missed again.
(splatters)
- Ah, finally.
What a relief to be rid of that guy.
Now, the key must be inside one of these pots.
(clay smashing)
Not in that one.
(clay smashing)
Not in that one.
(clay smashing)
- Not in that one, either.
(laughing)
- Are you kidding me?
- Nope, catch me if you can.
Clay-me on!
(laughing)
- Ahh!
(metals clashing)
- Over here.
I meant over here.
Man, you're really bad at this, Zelda.
(laughing)
- I give up.
Fine, you win, okay.
I'll just stay here.
No one'll save Princess Zelda.
No one will reassemble the scattered fragments
of the Triforce of Wisdom, and no one will defeat Ganon.
Fine!
- Wait, do you mean these scattered fragments
of the Triforce of Wisdom, or you talking about
some other scattered fragments of the Triforce of Wisdom?
- How did you get these?
Yes, yes, yes.
Those are the exact fragments I am talking about.
- Oh, nice.
You want 'em?
I was just gonna throw these old things out.
- Yes, yes I want them all.
God, yes I want them.
- Sure thing.
Here you go.
Oh, wait, this one's actually just a slice of cheese.
(laughing)
(chomping)
(burps)
Mmm, still good.
- Okay, five fragments, this is awesome.
Now, are you sure you don't have any more lying around?
- Hmm, well I was using one as a buttscratcher,
but you can have it.
- Gee, thanks.
- And I like to use this one as a toothpick.
- You use a Triforce fragment as a toothpick?
- What?
It's super-sharp and I always get salami
stuck between my teeth, unless you wanna get
the salami stuck between my teeth.
- You know what?
I think I'll pass.
- As will I.
(farts)
(laughing)
Just a little passing gas humor.
Seriously though, here you go.
- Seven!
This is incredible.
Now think very hard, Orange.
Where is the eighth Triforce shard?
- Oh, that's easy.
I use that one as a doorstop.
- The final shard.
Hoo-rah!
Thank you, Orange.
You've saved the kingdom.
Farewell and good morrow.
I am off to save Zelda and to defeat.
(door clicks)
Oh, wait.
I may have pulled that doorstop out a bit prematurely.
Can I bother you for that key?
- Ahh, but it's my new buttscratcher.
- Orange!
- Fine.
- Ha-ha!
Zelda, here I come.
- That Zelda guy really needs
to stop talking in the third person.
♪ Five day song, five day song ♪
♪ Won't you, I'll kazoo along ♪
(kazoo hums)
Whoops!
(record scratches)
(metal rattles)
Um, little help?
Anyone?
I can't reach my kazoo and I need.
- [Granny] Hello, I'm Granny.
Don't be afraid.
(cackling)
- Well, I'm not afraid, just a little embarrassed is all.
I can't believe we both wore the same exact nightgown.
I guess one of us will have to change.
(smashing)
Okay, okay, it'll be me.
I'll change, see?
(screams)
(smashing)
(boings)
Swing and a miss.
Strike three.
(grumbles)
Swing, batter batter.
(chuckling)
- [Granny] Fine.
If I can't get you with my bat,
I'll just have to capture you another way.
Can't have you escaping my house just yet.
I have big plans for you in five days.
(cackling)
- Oh, that reminds me.
I never finished my song.
♪ Five days song, five days song ♪
(smashing)
Whoa, okay, not a fan of music.
Noted.
(laughing)
(whistles)
- [Granny] Come here, boy.
- Oh, cool.
You have a pet?
- [Granny] I certainly do.
If you listen closely, you can hear him
coming down from the attic right now.
- Listening closely isn't really my thing.
No ears.
(laughing)
(grumbles)
I hope it's a puppy.
- [Granny] It is not a puppy.
- A kitty?
A lizard?
A pet rock?
- [Granny] No, no, and no.
Even I'm not reclusive and pathetic enough
to have a pet rock.
No, I don't think you're going to like my pet.
Most people would agree he really bites.
(laughing)
- [Spider] Boo!
- No way!
A spider!
You have a pet spider?
- [Granny] I do.
Are you terrified?
- On a scale of one to 10, how scared are you right now?
- This, is, awesome!
- Wait, what?
- Come here.
Bite me in the butt.
Please, please, please, please, please, bite me in the butt.
- [Granny] Wait.
So you're not scared of getting bit by my pet spider?
- Are you kidding?
I've been trying to get a spider to bite me for years.
This is great!
- I'm sorry, but this is weird.
- [Granny] You think?
I mean, I'm crazy but this fruit is downright loopy.
- Why do you want me to bite you so bad?
- 'Cause I want to be Spider-man.
Come on, bite me, bite me in the booty.
- I don't think that's how.
- Give me superpowers!
I wanna web-sling.
- Okay, I just need a minute to think.
- What's there to think about?
I just want you to bite me.
- [Granny] I want you to bite him!
- Well does anyone think about what I want?
Huh?
I need a minute to think, okay.
I'll be in the attic.
Nobody bother me!
- Well, maybe some of your questions
can be answered on the World Wide Web.
(laughing)
(grumbling)
- [Granny] Well, no matter.
I have other ways of trapping you.
(laughing)
- Those look fun.
- [Granny] What, these 12 bear traps I've laid out?
I assure you they're not.
- But they have springs.
Springs are fun.
- [Granny] I assure you they're not.
- Yo, what you talking about?
Name one springy thing that isn't fun.
- [Granny] Bed springs.
- Fun to jump on.
- [Granny] Slinkys.
- Fun to send down stairs.
(laughing)
- [Granny] Um, trampolines?
What are you saying, Granny?
Trampolines are loads of fun.
- Exactly.
So it's established.
Springs are always fun.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna jump into springs.
(trap slams shut)
- [Granny] Gotcha!
- I beg your pardon?
- Uh, how did you?
- Looks like these traps aren't bear-y effective on me.
(laughing)
(grumbles)
(traps slamming shut)
- Boing, boing.
(laughing)
This is fun.
Thanks, Granny.
- [Granny] You are not supposed to be having fun
with my bear traps!
- Hey, everyone.
Okay, I'm back.
I sat in the attic, thought things over,
and I've decided to.
- [Granny] Wait, look out for the.
(traps slamming shut)
(screaming)
- 12 in all.
Looks like you found eight of them.
(laughing)
- [Granny] No.
Are you okay, my widdie spidey-widey?
- Frankly, no, I am not okay.
Can I make a request, Granny?
- [Granny] Of course.
- Can we just let that incredibly annoying orange go?
Things have been awful ever since he showed up.
I just want things to go back to the way they were.
You, me, living together in a dark, creepy house
with no tasteful decor.
- [Granny] That's, that's the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
Of course.
Orange, take this key.
I'll let you out the front door.
Now, go!
- Okay, but are we not gonna talk about
how he just webbed the bed?
(laughing)
- [Granny] Get out!
- Okay, okay.
Don't get your nightgown in a twist.
(grumbles)
- [Granny] All right, now, let's get you
to the first aid kit in the basement.
I'll have you fixed up before.
- 12.
- [Granny] I was gonna say, before you know it,
but sure I can have you fixed out by 12 o'clock.
- No, 12!
- [Granny] Huh?
(trap slams shut)
(screams)
- First day at school.
Neh neh neh neh neh.
Whoa, what class is this?
- Oh, hi.
(boings)
- Whoa, who the heck are you?
- Welcome to Baldi's Basics.
- Yo, what you talking about?
- What?
- You're making fun of my lack of hair,
and calling me basic?
Ooh, you gonna get it.
- No, no, no, no.
My name is Baldi, and this class is called Baldi's Basics.
- Oh, okay.
I'll let it go this time, but only because
we have the same hairstyle.
(laughing)
(groaning)
Now, come on.
That was hair-larious.
(laughing)
- Okay, that's enough.
- Hey Professor Baldi guy.
- Just Baldi is fine.
- Hey, hey Baldi bean butt.
- Colder, definitely colder.
- Hey Baldi Bardifarts McDougalbooty.
- Holy moley, what is wrong with you?
- You're so bald, I bet if you took a shower,
you'd get brainwashed.
(laughing)
- Ha ha, very funny.
- You look like Vin Diesel and Mr. Clean had a baby.
(laughing)
- Okay, that's not nice, Orange.
- I'm just saying, you really know you're bald
when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
(laughing)
- That's enough!
(record scratches)
- Ugh!
- Orange, this is my classroom, and you will listen to me.
- Okay, fine.
- Now it's time for everybody's favorite subject.
(record scratches)
- Pantsless karaoke?
- No!
- Cooking with bowling balls?
- Those are not school subjects!
- Polar bear pillowfighting?
- No!
Math, everyone's favorite subject is math.
- Said no one ever.
(laughing)
- Now, I'm gonna give you three questions.
- Can they be questions about kazoos?
I'm really good at questions about kazoos.
(screams)
- Now, the questions will be on this handy-dandy thinkpad.
Here you go.
- Cool!
It looks like Big Bird crapped on a Speak and Spell.
(laughing)
- Now, problem one, seven plus nine equals.
- What?
Seven and nine can't be in a math problem together.
- What, why not?
- Because seven ate nine.
(laughing)
(yells)
Hmm, carry the five, move the decimal over three places,
divide by a hamster ball.
- Nyah!
Did you just say, divide by a hamster ball?
- Yeah, that's a step that comes before
multiplying it by Justin Bieber's nipple, right?
(laughing)
(sighing)
- Okay, if you're having trouble with the problem,
think of it this way.
If you had seven kazoos and I gave you nine more kazoos,
how many kazoos would you have?
- Honestly, I still wouldn't have enough kazoos.
- Unh, no.
- I'd probably have to steal Pear's credit card
and buy at least a bajillion more from Kazoos 'R Us.
- This isn't a philosophical question about how many kazoos
are enough to make you happy.
- Of course, if you gave me nine kazoos
that were magic kazoos that had wish-granting genies
inside of them, that'd be a different story altogether.
- Orange, you're getting off track and.
- 'Cause then I'd wish for a kazoo cloning machine.
Then I'd never run out of kazoos, like ever.
- Orange!
Seven plus nine!
- Sheesh, okay.
16, the answer is 16.
- Fantastic.
You're doing great.
- Hey, hey, thanks.
Now, back to the kazoos.
- Problem two, five minus three equals.
- Nyah, I'm bored of math.
Does this thing play Fortnite?
- No!
- Hey, why hasn't anybody made a game called Fartnite?
Now that'd be a real gas.
(farts)
(laughing)
- Orange!
- Okay, okay, two, as in you can't have toots without two.
(farts)
- Good job.
You did great.
- Thanks.
I'm pretty skilled at farting.
(farts)
- That's enough farting.
(laughing)
Now, Orange, it's time for problem three.
- Pauling tree?
- Problem three.
- Goblin knee?
- Problem three!
- You gotta pee?
Gross, dude, TMI.
(laughing)
(screaming)
- I've had it with you!
Here's your problem three.
(electrical buzzing)
- Um, I think your boring machine is broken.
- Oh, it's not broken.
You have to answer it just like that,
and remember, I get angrier every problem you get wrong.
(machine rattling)
- Quick, you stupid machine.
Make more sense.
- Hey, stop that!
- Nah, I'm gonna keep doing it.
(machine rattling)
- Hey!
- Play Fortnite, you Big Bird turd.
- Give me that.
- Hey, I was breaking that.
- I am done teaching math.
Now it's time to teach you a new lesson.
You, you're the most irritating pile of pulp ever.
If being annoying was an Olympic sport, you'd win.
- First prize?
- Yes, you'd win first prize.
Now, time for that lesson.
- No, first prize.
- What?
(robotic noise)
- Whoa, Baldi sure is a pushover.
(laughing)
Ahh.
(screams)
(video game music)
- [Pinky] Inky, Blinky.
- [Blinky] Yeah, Pinky?
- [Pinky] Everybody huddle up.
Ms. Pac Man is really getting the best of us out there.
We need a new strategy.
- [Inky] We should wait for Clyde.
Here he comes now.
- La la la la na na na na.
(laughing)
(screaming)
(record scratches)
Aah, a ghost!
- [Blinky] We're all ghosts, you moron!
- Waah!
Multiple ghosts.
(laughing)
- [Pinky] Who are you?
Where's Clyde?
- I'm filling in.
Clyde's feeling pretty sheet-y today.
(laughing)
Get it, sheet-y?
(laughing)
- [Pinky] Ugh.
Just listen up.
Here's the plan.
Inky, you go right.
- [Inky] Right!
- Left!
- [Pinky] Blinky, you go up.
(whooshing)
Hey, where'd the new guy go?
- Hey, hey pretzel, hey, hey!
Hmm, not much of a talker, huh?
That's okay.
I bet you've seen some really twisted stuff.
(laughing)
- [Pinky] Dude, get in position.
She's coming.
- She?
- [Ms. Pac-Man] Outta my way, jerk.
- Whoa, she's a mouthy one, isn't she?
(laughing)
Hey, hey Mrs. Pac-Man, Mrs. Pac-Man!
- [Ms. Pac-Man] It's Ms. Pac-Man, not Mrs.
You see a ring on this finger, bucko?
- Um, I don't see any finger.
(laughing)
(sighing)
Hmm, looks like you really like eating those dots, huh?
- [Ms. Pac-Man] Sure do, but not as much
as I like eating pretzels.
(screaming)
- You, you murderer!
Oh, me and pretzel shared so many memories together,
like that time I said hey, hey pretzel,
and the other time he never responded.
(crying)
- [Ms. Pac-Man] Take it easy, dude.
You should be worrying about yourself.
See that big dot over there?
- I do.
Hey, hey big dot, hey.
- Dude, it can't talk.
Look, here's the deal.
After I eat the big dot, I'm gonna eat you
so you better start running now.
- I don't know why you're so into these dots.
They don't taste like anything.
(spitting)
- Hey, don't do that!
- Why dot?
(laughing)
(spitting)
- Knock it off.
I have to clear this level of dots.
You're making my job harder so stop doing that.
(laughing)
- Hey, look what I can do.
I call it the machine gun.
(imitating gunfire)
- Ugh.
That is it!
You're going down.
- Whoa!
What's happening?
Suddenly I feel so blue.
Ha ha, whoa.
- [Ms. Pac-Man] Ha ha, gotcha.
- [Orange] Cool, this is awesome.
- [Pinky] Dude, you have to come back here
to get your body back.
- [Orange] Oh, good idea.
♪ I want my body back, body back, body back, body back ♪
♪ I want my body back, body back ♪
(speaking gibberish)
(laughing)
Ah, never mind.
- [Pinky] Where are you going?
I thought you wanted your body back, body back.
- [Orange] Nope, I changed my mind.
Get it?
(laughing)
(growling)
- [Pinky] You are of no use to us if you're just eyes.
- [Orange] What are you talking about?
Being just eyes is great.
Look what I can do now.
(giggling)
- [Ms. Pac-Man] What the?
Hey, hey get off my face.
(laughing)
- [Orange] You look so funny now.
- [Ms. Pac-Man] I don't want to look funny.
Get off me.
- [Orange] Look at the goofy expression you're making now.
Look at it, look at it, look at it, ha.
- [Ms. Pac-Man] Stop making me look goofy.
- [Orange] You sound angry, but you don't look angry.
(spitting)
(giggling)
(growling)
- [Ms. Pac-Man] And stop spitting dots!
(laughing)
(spitting) (imitating gunfire)
- That's it!
I'm done.
(groaning)
(glass breaking) (record scratches)
- [Orange] What the?
Come back!
I'm really gonna miss her.
(laughing)
- [Inky] Does that mean?
- [Pinky] We won!
(cheering)
- [Blinky] We won, man, we won!
- [Pinky] You did it, new guy.
You won the game for us.
- Woohoo!
Time to get sheet-faced.
Ha ha, get it, sheet?
(groans)
(whooshing)
(video game music)
- [Announcer] Japan!
- Good luck, Ryu.
I should warn you, I'm an orange belt.
(laughing)
- Um, I hate to be that guy, but you said my name wrong.
It's actually REE-YOU, not RYE-YOU.
- Oh, well that's easy to remember,
'cause it rhymes with P.U.
(laughing)
- You know what, I'm gonna enjoy kicking your orange behind.
- [Announcer] Round One, Fight!
- [Ryu] Hadouken!
- Huh?
Did you just say Hoboken?
- No.
Hadouken!
- Like Hoboken, New Jersey?
- I did not say Hoboken, New Jersey.
- Oh, good, 'cause that's my special move.
Hoboken!
(groans)
- [Ryu] Tatsumaki Senpukyaku!
(laughing)
- You say a lot of funny words, RAY-YOU.
(laughing)
- It's REE-YOU.
- Hey, knock knock.
- No.
- Knock knock.
- I don't wanna.
I wanna fight.
- Knock knock.
- For the love of Pete, who's there?
- RYE-YOU.
(groans)
- RYE-YOU who?
- RYE-YOU pronounced REE-YOU wrong.
(laughing)
(groans)
- [Ryu] Shoryuken.
Shoryuken.
- What?
What are you saying now?
- [Ryu] Shoryuken.
- Are you saying, sure you can?
- No, I'm saying, Shoryuken.
- Nuh uh, I think you're saying, sure you can.
Hey, hey RAY-YOU, can I date your sister?
- [Ryu] Shoryuken.
- Thanks, I'll be sure to treat her real nice.
(laughing)
(groans)
Hey, can I have your mom's phone number?
- [Ryu] Shoryuken.
- Great.
(laughing)
Hey, can I try too?
- [Ryu] Shoryuken.
- Okay, sure you Ken.
(smashing)
- [Announcer] Perfect!
(laughing)
- Get it, sure you Ken?
- Ha ha ha, who's next?
- Wow, I really like your ken-do spirit.
(laughing)
Hoboken.
(squishing) (screaming)
- [Announcer] You win.
(whooshing)
(screaming)
- [Narrator] Shang Tsung wins.
- Booyah.
I am the supreme Mortal Kombat warrior.
I can't wait to call my mom and tell.
Wait, what's going on?
Why am I back at the mountain?
I won.
There's nobody else to fight.
(record scratches)
(laughing)
Are you kidding me?
- Hey, hey T-sung, hey T-sung hey.
Guess what?
- What?
- Chicken butt.
(laughing)
- Fantastic.
- [Narrator] Round one, fight!
- Wow, I really love what you've done with the place.
I'm really hooked.
(laughing)
- Be quiet.
We're fighting now.
- No we're not.
We're talking.
- Well, we're about to be fighting.
- Why?
- Because it's a fighting tournament.
- Why?
- Because, you know what?
Enough of this.
You're going down.
(whirring)
(laughing)
- That tickles.
Cool trick, I'm really a fan.
(sighing) (laughing)
- [Shang] Get over here!
- Missed!
Hey, try mine.
Spit over here!
(spitting)
- [Shang] Ow!
(laughing)
- Whoa, cool moves, but can you do this?
Motormouth.
(trilling)
(rocks crashing)
- [Shang] Ow!
(laughing)
I can't believe I'm losing to an orange.
- I liked you better in yellow.
How embarrassing.
You guys all wore the same suit.
(laughing)
(shimmering)
Aw, come on, man.
That's cold.
(laughing)
- [Shang] Ugh, that's the worst joke I've ever heard.
(glass shattering)
- Hey, bad jokes are how I roll.
Whoa!
(body crunches)
- [Marshmallow] Toasty!
(laughing)
- [Shang] Oh, that's it.
I'm not losing to this piece of fruit.
Get over here!
- Ooh, is it time to start throwing things?
French fries.
- [Shang] Get over here!
- Plate of spaghetti.
- [Shang] I said, get over here!
- And I said, banana peel.
(crunching)
- [Shang] Ow!
- [Narrator] Finish him!
- Huh?
- [Narrator] Finish him!
- He's Finnish?
I would have guessed Dutch.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] Ugh, for crying out loud.
No, I mean you should finish him off.
- Why would I do that?
I like his dance moves too much.
♪ Everybody do the Scorpion ♪
♪ Na na na, everybody do the Scorpion, na na na ♪
(record scratch)
- [Narrator] Just stop singing and finish him.
- Okay, okay.
Knife.
(screaming)
- [Narrator] I can't believe I'm saying this, Orange wins.
- Yay, what do I win?
I want a wig pony.
(laughing)
♪ Everybody do the Scorpion ♪
(groaning)
♪ Everybody do the Scorpion ♪
(whooshing)
(fire roars)
- [Sub-Zero] Ah, yeah, all right, I'm totally gonna be
in the best shape for the tournament.
I'm gonna rip so many spines out.
It's gonna be sweet!
- Bum bum da bum bum.
Look at my bum.
(laughing)
Hey, hey you, hey, hey you.
- [Sub-Zero] Huh?
- Hey, hey buddy.
- [Sub-Zero] What?
- Hey buddy, hey.
- [Sub-Zero] What?
I'm responding to you.
- Oh, I thought you were giving me the cold shoulder.
(laughing)
- [Sub-Zero] Okay, and we're done here.
Hyah, ooh, ah, hyah.
- Hey, hey!
- [Sub-Zero] Ugh, no.
- Hey, hey Chilly Willy.
- [Sub-Zero] Gah, that's not my name.
- Chilly Willy, is your favorite movie Frozen?
(laughing)
- [Sub-Zero] Would you knock it off?
- Hey!
- [Sub-Zero] No.
- Hey Chilly Willy.
- [Sub-Zero] That's not my name.
It's Sub-Zero.
- Ice to meet you, Chilly Willy.
(laughing)
- [Sub-Zero] Gah, 'kay seriously,
can you please leave me alone?
I'm trying to get ready for the Mortal Kombat tournament.
- The morsel can-can what now?
- [Sub-Zero] Mortal Kombat.
- Mighty wombat?
- [Sub-Zero] Mortal Kombat!
- Immortal mudflap?
- [Sub-Zero] Mortal Kombat.
- Shmortal fart-zap?
- [Sub-Zero] Okay, now you're just saying nonsensical words.
You totally know what I'm saying.
- Yeah, you got me.
I ran out of things that rhyme.
- [Sub-Zero] Good, no more rhyming.
Now can you please leave me alone?
The tournament is about to start.
- You got bit by a shark?
- [Sub-Zero] No!
We're about to start.
- Your favorite movie is Paul Blart?
Eww.
- [Sub-Zero] No!
No more rhyming.
The tournament is about to start.
- You're about to fart?
Me too.
(farts)
(laughing)
(groaning)
That'll warm you up on a frosty morning.
(laughing)
- [Sub-Zero] For crying out loud,
what in the ever-loving crap is wrong with you?
- Geez, no wonder you don't have any friends
and are so ice-olated.
(laughing)
(screams)
- [Sub-Zero] That's it!
If I hear one more peep out of you,
I'm gonna rip your pulp out through your non-existent nose!
- Yeesh.
(breathing heavily)
Um, hey.
- [Sub-Zero] What!
- Mighty wombat.
- [Sub-Zero] It's Mortal Kombat.
- No, mighty wombat.
- [Sub-Zero] Huh?
(screams) (squishing)
- [Mighty Wombat] All right, already beat
my first opponent in the Mortal Kombat tournament.
- Shmortal fart-zap?
- [Mighty Wombat] No, Mortal Kombat.
- No, shmortal fart-zap.
(farts) (laser sizzles)
(laughing)
(whooshing)
Uh oh.
How are we gonna knock?
No hands.
- Did you check for a doorbell?
- Of course I checked for a doorbell.
I'm not a complete ding-dong.
(laughing)
(groaning)
Ooh, I have an idea.
Knock knock.
- Dude, that's not gonna work.
- Ooh, I hear someone coming.
(stepping heavy)
Knock knock.
- [Mr. Peterson] Yeah, who's there?
- Neigh.
- [Mr. Peterson] Neigh who?
- Neighborhood welcoming committee.
(laughing)
(sighing)
- [Mr. Peterson] I see.
- Hi, Mr. Peterson.
Welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm Pear, and this is Orange.
We just wanted to drop by and say.
- [Both] Hello, neighbor.
- As soon as we saw you moving in, I turned to Pear
and I said, we simply mustache our new neighbor
over for dinner sometime.
(laughing)
- Oh, ha ha.
Yeah, 'cause I have the mustache.
- Anyway, that's why we're here.
We would glove to have you over sometime.
- Oh, whoopsie.
Forgot I was still wearing these.
(muffled screaming)
- Um, Mr. Peterson?
I think there's a noise coming from your basement.
- Nah, it's nothing.
(muffled screams)
- Yo, what you talking about?
I don't even have ears and I can hear it.
- I said it's nothing!
- Okay, okay, yeesh.
We'll stop talking about your basement.
- Yeah, we're over it.
(laughing)
- How did the two of you get inside my fence?
- Oh, about that.
Yeah, the homeowners association doesn't allow
fences that high, so they're having it removed.
- Huh?
(record scratches)
(fenceposts smashing)
- But if you come to our monthly meeting,
you can give your de-fence.
(laughing)
- Wow, didn't expect you people
to be such sticklers about the covenants.
- Oh, oh, we're sticklers all right.
- We also like saying the word sticklers.
Sticklers, sticklers, sticklers, sticklers, stickler.
- Okay, well very nice meeting you both.
Okay now, buh-bye.
- Aww, don't go just yet.
I made you a butt cake.
- Sorry, what now?
- A butt cake.
- Dude, I told you that's not what it's called.
- I believe you mean Bundt cake.
That's a pretty traditional thing to bring a new neighbor.
- Oh, is that what it's called?
Yeah, you definitely don't want to eat this cake.
(laughing)
(farts)
- Okay guys, here's the deal.
I don't want to be welcomed to the neighborhood.
I don't want to have my dinner with you,
and I certainly don't want whatever a butt cake is.
What I want is to be left alone, got it?
Okay then.
(door slams)
- Wow, he really slammed the door
on any neighborhood outreach.
(laughing)
I'm gonna figure out what he's hiding.
- Orange, don't be nosy.
Let's go.
- I'm not nosy.
Just look at my face.
How can I be?
(laughing)
(groaning)
Yo, I'm just sayin'.
If Mr. Peterson is up to something illegal in there,
then someone should throw a wrench in his plans.
- Dude, why did you just do that?
- Come one, while he's distracted!
- Hey, you two.
(screams)
- Orange, help!
- Don't worry.
I've been saving this for a rainy day.
(laughing)
- You two get down here right now.
- No thanks.
That doesn't sound very fly.
(laughing)
- Orange, look.
We can see in all the upstairs windows.
- Hey, hey, don't you look in those windows.
- Gee, Mr. Peterson, you sure own a lot of bear traps.
You're in the suburbs now.
What kind of grizzly situation
could you possibly need those for?
(laughing)
- Ugh, would you just go already?
These bad jokes are giving me a headache over here.
- A headache?
You know what they say, staying hydrated is key.
(water gurgling)
- Hey, ow!
That's it.
I'm gonna give you a very simple choice.
Either you come down to me, or I'm climbing up to you.
- Hmm, I'm gonna have to go with the ladder.
(laughing) (magnet buzzing)
(groaning)
- Listen, you have no right to wreck my house like this.
I don't owe you an explanation for anything.
I'm a very private person.
I'm sorry if I'm not.
- Open?
- Yes, I'm sorry if I'm not open enough
for you nosy neighbors, but.
- No, open!
- Huh?
(screaming)
- [Boy] Oh man, free at last.
It smelled like butt cake down there.
- Wow, well that's not gonna help his headache.
Goodbye, neighbor.
(laughing)
♪ 'Cause it's slender, slender night ♪
♪ Yeah, he's a skinny mini ♪
♪ But I hear he's got a knife ♪
(laughing)
- [Pear] Orange!
- [Orange] Huh?
- Stop singing.
Do you want to get us killed?
- [Orange] Sorry.
Can I hum instead?
- Focus, buddy.
We gotta find these eight pages before Slender finds us.
- [Orange] I don't know, Pear.
This whole game sounds pretty thin.
(laughing)
- Ah, run away, run away!
- Uh.
- [Orange] Is it me, or does he look a little scared?
(laughing)
Slender!
Hey, need some pages over here!
- Okay, time out.
- Hey noob, it's called a pause.
- Whatever.
Look, I'm thinking we should split up.
- What, come on dude.
We're not bananas.
- Hey!
Leave us out of this.
- Seriously, and could you try to keep it down?
- Uh oh, did you hear that?
- Yeah, stupid bananas.
What do they know?
(laughing)
(screaming) (electronic beeping)
- [Both] Ahh!
- Okay, we are definitely splitting up.
(laughing)
- [Orange] Slender, more like blender.
Those bananas were everywhere.
Hey, it's a note from Skinny Mini.
Hmm, beware of Slenderman.
Huh, looks like there's only one thing to do.
Make a paper airplane!
(laughing)
Whee!
No fancy food on that flight.
They only serve plane food.
(laughing)
Hey, what the?
(electronic beeping)
Ah, it's a skinny mime!
- [Slenderman] Dah!
- Whoa, sorry skinny mime, but I did have the flight of way.
(laughing)
- [Slenderman] Oh, this really hurts.
- Yeesh, I thought you were like me, silent but deadly.
(farts)
Okay, maybe not the silent part.
(laughing)
- [Slenderman] Oh, look at this.
You totally picked one of my pages.
I'm gonna have to iron this out now.
- Pages?
Are you writing a book?
- [Slenderman] No.
- Is it a poem?
- [Slenderman] No.
- Does it go like this?
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Slender's too skinny to even scare you!
(laughing)
Skinny puns.
- [Slenderman] It's not a poem.
- Yeah, it's definitely a poem.
They should call you Tenderman, not Slenderman.
(laughing)
- [Slenderman] Stop it!
I'm very scary.
- Well what are you doing out here, then?
- [Slenderman] If you must know, I haunt these woods.
I feast on all the souls who enter here.
The only way I can be stopped is if
you collect all eight pages that I have
carefully hidden throughout the.
(record scratches) - These pages?
- [Slenderman] What the?
How did you do that?
- Yay!
What do I win?
Do I get three wishes?
- [Slenderman] No.
- Ooh, a pot of gold?
- [Slenderman] No.
- How about a pot of gold wishes?
- [Slenderman] Gah, what is wrong with you?
I'm not a leprechaun or a genie.
- Ah, come on.
I know what'll make you feel better,
the seeds of friendship.
(spitting) (laughing)
- [Slenderman] That's it, I'm out of here.
(feet tapping)
- Hey, come back Slendy, come back.
Where you going, Slendy Tenderman?
You forgot your poem.
- [Slenderman] Keep 'em. I don't want 'em.
- [Orange] Come back Slendy, come back.
- [Slenderman] No, leave me alone!
(metal crashing)
- Whoa, talk about a slender bender.
(laughing)
Ugh.
(whooshing)
Spawnie, spawnie, spawnie, spawn, spawn, spawn, spawn!
Hello, Minecraft!
Whoa, look at me.
I'm a real blockhead.
(laughing)
Hey, hey, who are you?
- [Steve] Uh, I'm Steve.
- Don't take this the wrong way, Steve,
but you kinda look like a square.
(laughing)
- [Steve] Ha, good one.
Haven't heard that before.
- So, I'm new here.
Can you show me around the block?
(laughing)
- [Steve] Wow, cool.
One square and two block jokes in less than 10 seconds.
What are you, some kind of griefer?
- Griefer?
I didn't even know her.
(laughing)
- [Steve] Ugh, I am out of here.
- Wait, wait, I'll roll with you.
(laughing)
(boinging)
- [Steve] Why are you following me?
- I dunno.
Why are you punching that tree?
- [Steve] I am mining wood.
You are very welcome to stop being useless and help me.
- Well, I would but I don't have any hands or arms or legs.
(laughing)
- [Steve] Are you some kind of noob or something?
- I'm not a noob.
I'm a cube.
(laughing)
- [Steve] You're not going to be able
to mine anything, are you?
- Eh, who cares?
None of it's mine, anyway.
(laughing)
- [Steve] Look, I don't think you know
what kind of danger you're in.
This is Minecraft, buddy.
Before the sun sets, you need to get wood, make sticks,
make planks, craft a crafting table, make tools,
mine stone, and build a house.
Otherwise the creepers will eat you alive.
(record scratches)
♪ Jeepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers ♪
♪ Jeepers creepers, where'd you get those eyes ♪
(laughing)
- [Steve] What the?
Who are you talking to?
- This square shape.
He has weird looking eyes.
(laughing)
Weird square eyes.
- [Steve] Dude, wow.
You are annoying.
Good luck, griefer.
- Ah, poor Steve has anger management issues.
He should really block out some time with his therapist.
(laughing)
- [Steve] Phew, finished the house
just in time before nightfall.
Kinda feel bad about not helping that Orange fella.
Oh well, he'll re-spawn and learn.
(whooshing)
I'll just make myself a snack in the kitchen
before I hit the sack and,
whoa! (record scratches)
- Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey Steve!
- [Steve] Dude, what are you doing in my house?
- Hey, hey Steve, hey!
- [Steve] What?
- Orange you glad you built us a Minecraft kitchen?
(laughing)
- [Steve] Us?
- Yeah.
I'm actually not a green block, though, I'm a.
- Square pear!
- I hope you don't mind that we brought our friends.
- Yeah, thanks a bunch Steve-arino.
- Yay, I love being a block
full of loving gooey marshmallowy goodness!
Yay!
- We really appreciate you saving us
from the mobs out there.
- [Steve] The mobs out there?
What about in here?
- Hey, hey Steve, hey!
Hey Steve!
- [Steve] Don't wanna hear it, griefer.
You and your friends have got to go.
- Steve, hey!
- [Steve] I said, I don't want to hear it.
I built every part of this house on my own,
laid every stone, every piece of wood,
made every door, wait a second.
You guys don't have hands, then how'd you get in here?
- The back door was open.
- Hey, Steve!
- [Steve] What?
- Creepers.
(screaming)
Whoa, looks like Steve took it square on the chin.
(laughing)
- Ugh, can we please just go build something cool?
- You're ruining it, square pear.
(video game music)
- Oh, I've got to save the Princess.
Hey, where's the Bowser?
He's usually in here.
(laughing)
What was that?
Sounded like it came from over here.
Princess?
Toad?
- I'm not a toad.
I'm an orange.
(laughing)
- Whoa, what did you do with the Princess and Toad?
- Toad?
Is that like a frog?
- No, is more like, you know, mushroom.
- I know him, he's a fungi.
(laughing)
- All right, enough of the funny stuff.
Are you ready to fight?
- Not really.
I'm kinda hungry.
- Well then try on one of my spicy meatballs.
(video game beeping)
(laughing)
- Meatballs?
More like you're throwing boogers.
Stop throwing boogers, Mr. Pick and Flick.
- Is not a booger, and I'm not Mr. Pick and Flick.
I'm Super Mario.
- Spaghettios?
I love Spaghettios.
(laughs)
- No, no, no, no, no.
It's Super Mario, not Spaghettio.
- Uh oh.
- What do you mean, uh oh?
- Uh oh, Spaghettios.
(laughing)
(grumbles)
- Fireball.
- Hey Spaghettios, use a Kleenex already, geez.
- Why you no-good two bit orange.
- Two-bit?
I'm at least eight bits.
(laughing)
- Ohh, don't make me take my gloves off.
I can get real mean when I want to.
Just you ask my brother Luigi.
- Did you say linguini?
Your whole family's made of pasta.
You have a sister named Ravioli?
(laughing)
(groans)
- You tell me where the Princess is or else.
- Or else what, shell?
- Shell?
What are you talking about, you crazy orange?
- Turtle shell.
(burps)
- Oh.
(video game squishes)
- Whoa, Spaghettios is bite-sized.
(laughing)
- Oh great, you shrunk me.
You like a big orange Rick Moranis.
- Oh don't worry, bite size Spaghettios.
It could be worse.
- Could be worse?
Now I'll never find the Princess.
How could it possibly be worse?
- I don't know, bullet?
- What?
- Bullet.
(video game music) (laughing)
- Oh, Super Mario.
More like Stupid Mario, right guys?
(sighing)
I defeated Bowser and saved you guys hours ago.
- Yeah, if by defeating Bowser you mean
you annoyed the living crap out of him
until he just got angry and left.
- Whatever, Princess Apple.
- That's Peach, thank you very much.
- You're an apple.
(laughing)
- Hey, you guys are still here?
I told you already, get out of my dungeon, you freeloaders.
(whooshing) (video game music)
- [Blinky] Pack your bags, Pac-Man.
- [Inky] All right, woohoo.
- [Clyde] Nice one, Blinky.
- [Inky] Yeah, two down and one to go.
Whoa.
- [Blinky] What the?
- Flashing, flashing, flashing, solid.
(laughing)
(upbeat music)
- [Pinky] Is it just me, or is there
something different about Pac-Man?
- [Clyde] Ah, that's just your nerves talking.
- [Pinky] I don't know.
Just look at him.
- Ooh, Tic-Tacs.
(chomping)
Mmm, minty.
(laughing)
- [Blinky] I don't care what he looks like.
He's going down.
- [All] Yeah!
- [Blinky] All right, Pac-Man.
You know the drill.
- Pac-Man?
I'm not Pac-Man.
I'm an orange.
- [Blinky] Yeah, and I'm a ghost, so why don't you?
- You're not a ghost.
You're a policeman.
- [Blinky] Uh, no.
I'm not a cop.
- Then why you working undercover?
(laughing)
- [Blinky] I'm a ghost, you moron.
- Oh, then I bet you know my friend Boo.
- [Blinky] Boo?
Boo who?
- Geez, you don't have to cry about it.
(laughing)
- [Blinky] All right, that's it.
You're going down.
Come back here, Orange.
Oh, uh oh.
- Whoa, Officer Boo, where'd you get the Snuggie?
- [Blinky] Leave me alone.
- I want a Snuggie.
Come back.
- [Blinky] No, no!
- Whoa, no wonder he ran away.
He didn't have any guts.
(laughing)
Ooh, more Tic-Tacs.
(chomping)
- [Blinky] Darn it.
- [Inky] Nice one, dude.
- [Clyde] I think it's time
to make the odds a little less fair.
- [All] Yeah, let's get him, come on.
- Hey ghosts, over here.
Marco.
- [Ghosts] Go, he's over there.
- Polo.
- [Ghosts] He switched sides.
- Marco.
- [Ghosts] Hey, he's over there now.
- Polo.
- [Ghosts] Follow me, guys.
- Marco.
- [Ghosts] Can we just split up?
- Polo.
Marco, Polo, Marco, Polo.
(laughing)
Oh, I don't feel very good.
- [Ghosts] Yeah!
(retching)
- Whoa, talk about an eyeful.
(laughing)
Hey, more Tic-Tacs.
(chomping)
- [Pinky] Eww, that was disgusting.
- [Clyde] I am not going back out there.
(chomping)
(video game beeping)
- Hey, it's me.
I see you, me.
- You're not me.
I'm me.
(laughing)
- [Inky] Ugh, I hate this new guy.
Whatever happened to Pac-Man?
(record scratches)
(upbeat music)
(video game beeping)
- Okay, shut up already.
You've been making that same noise for three hours.
I can't understand what you're saying.
(video game beeping)
Ugh, I give up.
- Yo, strawberries in the house.
What's going on?
(chomping) (screaming)
(video game music)
♪ I'm juicy and I know it ♪
♪ Bop bow ba bow ♪
♪ I'm juicy and I know it ♪
♪ Bop bow ba bow ♪
(spitting)
(laughing)
- I'm a little squirt.
(laughing)
Oh, little squirt.
- [Mario] It's-a me, Mario!
(screaming)
(skidding) (crashing)
- Whoa! (car explodes)
- [Mario] My leg's a-bleeding, ugh.
- Jeez, looks like Mario's on a crash diet.
(laughing)
- [Mario] So much pain.
(screaming) (cars exploding)
- Yoinks!
(screaming)
- Hey guys, don't worry.
I'm here to help, oh my!
(retching)
(video game music)