If you have the ENFP personality type this video is
for you. If you are ENFP, you're probably pretty smart, and you probably
figured by the title that this video is for you. So really just
wasting everyone's time here, aren't we? If you don't know who
I am, my name is Dan, this is Dreams Around The World and I
have been making videos for and working with ENFP s for, I don't know, four,
five years now, something like that. It's tough to put ENFP in
the internet and not eventually come across my face. And this is
going to be a longer video where I want to share a really
important insight I figured out about our personality type,
something that can really change how other people perceive you,
how you feel about yourself, and ultimately, what you end up
accomplishing with your life. And what we are talking about
here is values and developing the ability to follow a value
system for yourself. How many people have seen the show
Dexter? Camera, I get it. All right. I'm presuming you've
hopefully seen the show Dexter If not, like take a week off
whatever you're doing now and watch it. But Dexter is about
this serial killer, who when he was a child saw something
terribly traumatic, and his adopted father saw that he was a
detective. And he realized very early that this kid was going to
be a psychopath and have a need to kill. So what did he do, he
taught Dexter a value system so that even though Dexter had this
urge to kill, and he couldn't get away from that that was who
he was. And that was how he was wired to act. His dad taught him
this value system that was essentially only kill bad guys,
which allowed him to live a life that in many people would argue,
positively contributed to society. It's a big discussion
on vigilantes, I give you that well being himself and meeting
that need that he was not going to be able to get away from. And
that's kind of what we're going to talk about here today. So as
an ENFP, you probably heard a lot of personality traits used
to describe you. If you're a subscriber on my channel, those
are generally positive and looking at all the amazing
things you can do. If you read some random blogs, or watch some
other channels, or people are a little angry at life, you might
have heard some mean things about it, you may have heard
things about changing direction way too many times, about not
being able to stay true to your word or to be on time or being
really messy and disorganized. And nice thing about making
YouTube videos is I can position the camera so you can't see this
part of the room and, and the mess that is there. Or for that
matter, that pile of dirty towels sitting at the floor of
the sauna door just there like if the camera would just move.
So there's some truth to some of that, just like Dexter by age
two had this need to kill that was going to be with him for his
whole life, we tend to make decisions impulsively, we tend
to act in the moment, we tend to be fairly emotional with our
decision making and have ups and downs and sometimes jump to
conclusions too quickly. or stay in bad situations because we're
afraid of confrontation. And we don't want to upset someone
else. So we don't make that decision that we should these
things are relatively true of us. And I'd like to tell you
that I came up with a solution myself, but it's really built
right into us. It's actually how we're meant to evolve. And this
is our second function, introverted feeling which in
general should develop around our 20s, depending on a lot of
factors, which I discussed in the video on ENFP functions
could develop a little bit earlier or a little bit later.
And this is essentially our guiding principles. It's that we
make decisions based on our internal feeling this can be
really good, right? If you have a strong sense of right and
wrong. This allows us to make our decisions based on that
which can mean we're extremely decisive. We follow our own
code, essentially. And that is a really valuable thing in life.
Someone who operates consistently by some kind of
moral code tends to be someone other people want to partner
with their business with spend time with, because there's a
sense of honor to that and a predictability, which is also
nice. So that's all really great, right? The problem is how
many of us grew up with a code? How many of us like age 10 some
great figure came and said, All right, here's your code, Dan
here's what you're going to live by. Now, hopefully we learned
some of this in school like in school you know, you learn don't
hit other kids too often...I'm from Canada, we play hockey. We hit other
kids occasionally. But don't steal, recycle was a big thing
they drilled into us.
Honesty was something you're taught as well. Although the
funny thing with honesty is you're usually taught it by
people who lie and you kind of know they lie because they talk differently
to you because you're a kid. So you're like this doesn't
add up. But anyhow, we do learn parts of a code, right? But not
enough of a value system or code to really get us through our
whole life. So if you have the ENFP personality, what I think
you need to do is start to develop your own code, start to
think about what is important to you. And then there's two other
things that need to be developed alongside this. Otherwise, it's
completely meaningless. Number one is to develop your ability
to talk yourself out of things, basically, develop your self
talk ability. And I'll give you an example of this. I'll give
you an example. Right? Let's say you meet someone new, and you're
maybe gonna date them or do business with them, it doesn't
really matter, you meet someone new, and your first impression
is a little weird, but it's not like a big red flag. Sometimes
you meet someone, you're like, Okay, this is Dexter without a
code, get out of here, right? It's not like that. But you just
don't necessarily drive with them too well at the beginning,
or you feel a bit off, and you don't know, like, what to do
with it. But you start kind of jumping to conclusions. But you
know, because you've watched some of my videos, maybe you've
watched the video on ENFPs and INTJs, and you know, that we
often not quite different and maybe don't get along
immediately right away. Or you've learned that sometimes
your first impressions aren't great, because when you're
really similar to someone, you actually butt heads initially,
or maybe you're competitive or jealous, or any kind of things
could come up. So you learn that, hey, maybe when I meet
people right away, I should give them a bit more time, I should
get to know them a bit more. Because this could end up being
a really great friendship. Often people who are a bit opposite,
and butt heads initially end up getting along really well. So
when you're feeling those emotions of forget dispersed,
and I'm not going to invite them to the party, or whatever it is,
you stop yourself and you say, hey, Dan, remember all those
other times you judged a little too early. Remember what you
learned from your own YouTube channel? Maybe just give this
person one more try. And you interrupt the emotional thinking
you bring it to more cognitive you step back and you say, Okay,
yeah, let's give it a try. And you adjust your actions, you
don't just impulsively act the same things true, if you know
something is a really positive habit for you. Uh, since the
beginning of the quarantine, I've been working out with a
trainer online three to four times a week, and I dread it a
little less now, because I've just been getting in better
shape, but I really dreaded it at the beginning. Like this is
going to be painful. I don't really enjoy most of these
exercises he makes me do and it's like a Rocky Balboa gym
here. Like we're using water bottles as weights and just like
weird stuff that's even more uncomfortable than going to a
normal gym. I don't really like it. I like the trainer. And I
like how I feel after. And I like the long term benefits that
we'll have. I don't like it. But Have I ever missed a session?
No, because I talk myself through that I say, Hey, you
know, you don't want to do this. But sometimes the things you
want to do, are not the right things. And sometimes things you
don't want to do will be better for you are good for you,
whatever. So basically stopping thinking big picture getting out
of the fear or the dread or the just, I don't want to do this,
and then making a better decision and then forcing
yourself to do it. And that leads us to the third thing that
needs to be developed for this little triad to work well
together, which is discipline and the ability to basically
tell yourself what to do. And then as far as important to then
do it, because you're not one unified creature here, right
with one brain in the same direction. This is all people,
but especially us ENFPs, we are full of contradictions and
multiple personalities inside us wanting to do a ton of different
things at once. Right? What you need to do is work on bringing
that together. And at the very least giving the power to the
part of you that has your future interest in mind, your best
interest. And
that same part, you should align with some kind of value system.
So this way, when you don't feel like doing something, or maybe
you impulsively want to change direction, or whatever it
happens to be, stop and think to yourself, Is this fair to the
other people? Is this the kind of person I want to be? Is this
how I want to show up in the world? Is this really who I am.
And you can step back and look at the decision a little more
objectively, we can never be fully objective with ourselves.
But you can be a little more objective and step back and look
at it and then realize hey, my my values would actually say I
should do this. And when I step back, that does seem like the
right thing to do, even if it's a bit painful to do it. But that
is what I'm going to do. Because here's like the pleasure point
that you're moving towards. Right? You know that if you
follow it in the long run, you're going to be someone who
is respected, who people really want to work with or spend time
with, you're going to end up having more success in life and
perhaps best of all, you'll feel better about yourself, because
when you do the right thing, and hopefully your code is aligned.
Like if you were raised by a pack of hyenas who also doubled
as bank robbers on the weekends you might need to readjust you
know your value system but assuming you weren't. When you do that
right thing you feel good about yourself. And that ultimately
creates a very positive snowball effect where the better you feel
about yourself, the more you feel you deserve. And then the
more you're willing to basically work for a better life for
yourself. When you do shitty things, you tend to see that in
yourself, and then you don't feel good about yourself. And
then you don't feel like you deserve a better life that you
deserve anything good, because you're like, Hey, I'm kind of a
shitty person, which is probably true if you've been doing shitty
things, at least in that moment, let's be honest with each other.
And that creates a destructive and negative cycle. And that is
not what you want. Ultimately, you do want to determine the
values or code system that is right for you. If you are new to
the channel, my name is Dan, this is Dreams Around The World.
I am an ENFP. And I publish new videos each and every week
primarily for ENFPs helping you become the best version of
yourself all while creating the most awesome life possible for
you and those you love. So hit the subscribe button, and I will
catch you in the next video soon. Bye for now. One more
thing I wanted to add. Yes, this process may be difficult. Yes,
it won't always be easy to follow through. And yes, you
will screw up at times. But ultimately, you have to ask
yourself, Are you someone who's committed to bettering yourself
and to being someone you can be proud of? Or aren't you? Or do
you want to make excuses about how it's so hard to concentrate
while you're playing 20 different cell phone games or
doing whatever else you might have to pick up a daily exercise
habit quick, some unhealthy food, maybe see a psychologist
or coach about something if you really have trouble focusing,
and it's a severe problem, see someone about that, whatever you
need to do, do it. If you're committed to this. And if you
made it to the end of the video here, even past my whole part
about subscribing to the channel, then I'm guessing you
either fell asleep, or you're pretty committed to making this
kind of a change. They change is tough. And it's especially tough
at the very beginning. And so you've got to think for
yourself, is it worth doing and think about a vision for your
life and for how people will see you that will be exciting enough
to pull you through and to make it worth it. If it's not worth
it for you. If you have a range of excuses and you just don't
really want to make any kind of change. That's totally cool too.
I'm not really here to force anything upon anyone but if you
do know that it's hard for everyone and it will be
difficult but it will be worth it and it gets easier each and
every day.