Have you ever been frustrated by the fact that guys aren't asking you out on second
dates or that they're not pursuing you?
Well, my name is Mat Boggs.
I'm a dating and relationship expert, and today we're going to explore five reasons
that men stop pursuing you.
The first reason, and this is the biggest reason, and it may even seem a bit obvious,
but this is that the man doesn't see you as a potential romantic relationship.
You see, there are three categories that when we meet women we tend to associate them with
one of these three categories.
The first category is just the friendship category.
She's an amazing woman, just a friend.
Second category is pure sexual attraction category.
And the third category is the combination of the both, an amazing friend that we're
sexually attracted to that is a long-term relationship potential for us.
So if a man, for whatever reason, doesn't feel like you're long-term relationship potential
for him, he's going to stop pursuing you, stop chasing you.
Now some women might say, "Well, I slept with him, and we had this great, amazing sex together."
Well, just so you know, for men relationships and sex are not overlapping.
You can have amazing sex with a man, it doesn't mean mean he will want a relationship with
you.
Now, here is the good news.
If he doesn't want a relationship with you what that means is that there's somebody even
better who's pursuing you right now.
Maybe you just haven't met that guy yet.
So let this older guy go to create room for this new, more amazing, more spectacular man
who does want a relationship with you into your life.
Number two is that you do all the planning.
It's really important for us as men to feel like we're the providers, and we're planning
with a relationship.
Now I know you might be saying like, "God, I wish men would plan more," well, oftentimes
it's because the woman jump in too soon, take control, and start planning.
See, for men to plant there's inherent risk.
Are we going to do a good job?
Is she going to be happy or not?
It's like a slot machine, right, and as we make the plan, and we take her out, and we're
looking to see is it going to pay off?
Is it going to pay off?
Here we go.
Yeah!
Paid off, she loved it, wooh!
That inherent risk translates into attraction and connection that then we associate with
you when we've actually done something, we planned it, we've taken a risk, and it worked
because you've loved it.
So if you noticed you're the kind of woman who takes control and always plans try an
experiment where you take a step back, create a space for him to lead, for him to plan.
As you do you're going to notice that he's going to pursue that relationship even harder.
The third reason that men stop chasing or stop pursuing is because he doesn't feel like
he can actually win with you.
As men, we need to know we can win.
What does that look like?
That means we need to know we can provide and make you happy, we can give you what you
want.
I remember going out with this woman one time in my early 20s, and this woman was beautiful,
she's amazing.
She was telling me how in the weekends she loves to go out and loves to go to clubs,
and how she never waits in line, and how she hates waiting in line.
But she's the kind of girl and who she knows she can just get right into these clubs, and
how she was telling me the story about last weekend, how she went to this club, and the
bouncer didn't know her so she had to wait in line, and she was pissed about it.
And it was the worst experience ever.
I'm listening to this going, "Wow, when I go out to clubs I'm always waiting in line.
Like I don't have the connections to know how to just get in, and I don't have the money
to grease Mister Bouncer there."
If we're going to go out then she's going to be waiting in line, and she's going to
act like this or have that experience?
I don't think so.
So I just started pursuing something else and stopped pursuing her because I really
didn't feel like I can win.
Here's what you can do, when you go out with your man celebrate him for the things he is
doing for you.
Make him feel like a king for the ways that he is providing for you.
Let him know that he is making you happy because when you help him feel like a king he is going
to love it, and that will cause him to pursue more experiences just like that.
Now, number four is the insta-relationship and here's what this means.
As a man it's off-putting if we feel like the woman has fallen in love with us too fast.
The reason why is there's something in the man's brain that says, "She cannot fully know
who I am this fast.
She doesn't really know me."
And if she's fully in this relationship, fully committed in falling in love then something's
wrong because I don't even know how I feel about this relationship yet.
Also, if he feels like you're this into the relationship this early and he is still trying
to figure it out, oftentimes he will stop pursuing the relationship because he feels
like, "If I pursue this relationship and I end up finding out it's not why I want, and
she's this invested now, later when she's really invested it's just going to cause so
much more pain and heartache for her.
And I don't want to be the guy that causes that much pain and heartache for her because
she's a good girl, she's an amazing girl."
And so if he feels like the risk of hurting you is too high then he will often bail on
the relationship and bail on just pursuing the relationship.
So here's what you can do, it's a very simple fix to this.
It's just let him know you like him, let him know that you're interested in him but let
him know that he's going to have to earn the right to be committed to you, earn the right
to be your boyfriend, that he's got to prove himself over time.
When you do that it actually triggers an attraction, trigger for him, and helps him value what
it is that he earns which is the relationship between you and him.
Number five is if he feels like an object when he's dating you, and here is what I mean.
Some women when they're selecting men they're selecting not him specifically but we get
the sense that any man will do because you're trying to fill a void in your life.
Like you maybe want a man for your child, a male figure for your son or daughter, or
you've been single for a long time and so you just want a guy to date, and it could
be any guy at this point.
The feeling that that creates in us as men is kind of like this, where we are just one
of many guys that you're just selecting to fill this void, and it could be any of these
guys but you just happen to choose us.
And that creates a feeling of not being special at all.
What you want to create in your man is this feeling that he is unique, he is special,
and he's selected over all these other choices, all these other options that you have.
This is a really easy feeling to create in him.
All you really have to do is compliment him on his character.
Not on his looks or his status of his career, about the thing that he has developed which
is his character.
You can say something like this, like say, "You know what, you are so different from
all the other guys.
You have so much drive and so much passion and I really admire that about you."
We love that as men, that speaks right to the love center of our heart.
When you make him feel special and unique and selected he's going to pursue that relationship
harder.
So there you have it, the five reasons that men stop pursuing the relationship.
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