have you found yourself anxiously waiting for someone you like to respond
to your text message do you obsessively check your phone and worry about why he
isn't responding if this sounds familiar to you then you have to watch this video
because I'm going to tell you exactly what to do when he doesn't respond to
your text and how to stop worrying about it
don't go anywhere we're starting right now
hi everyone I'm dr. Antonio Morello and I'm a psychologist and relationship
coach this channel is all about helping you build great relationships so you can
grow happy with the people you love so if you're interested in making your love
life the best part of your life start now by clicking the subscribe button and
hit the bell notification so you aren't missing anything okay what to do when
the guy you're dating doesn't text you back when it comes to dating and
starting new relationships texting has become the go-to tool for people to get
to know one another and when texting is going well it's exciting and flirty and
fun and it makes you feel connected and attracted on the other hand texting can
also make you anxious when you're not getting a response from the same person
that made you excited and happy before and texts can be confusing
without our nonverbal signals messages can be misinterpreted or misconstrued
and lead to uncertainty and anxiety I've had people ask me questions like he
normally says good morning with a smiley face today he just said hi what does
that mean they start analyzing text for some alternative meaning or behind the
text and it happens most frequently in dating situations see you probably won't
think twice when a good friend doesn't respond to your text for two hours or
two days but in dating it's a different story both the act of texting and not
texting communicate something and how fast or how slow you respond says
something to the other person especially when there is a change in frequency of
texting or the timeliness of responses it can set off a wave of anxiety for
example when you first start dating a guy you might find yourself texting back
and forth more frequently than you text your best friend but then after some
time you notice that he doesn't text as much or he doesn't respond as quickly
and you find yourself obsessing over what that means you start questioning
how long should I wait before I respond back you find yourself wondering what's
he up to is he thinking about me and if he likes you as much as he did before
it's the exhausting cycle where you're constantly looking for that next text
message that reassures you that he you that is into you and you're waiting
for that text that gives you validation if this is your experience with dating I
know it's not satisfying at all if anything it's making you anxious and
agitated so here are some tips to help you take back control and stop worrying
about and waiting for that next text message like an addict waiting for their
next dose number one take your ego out of it first remove your ego from the
equation because that's where a lot of the anxiety comes from it's cognitive
distortion it's your ego saying things like oh they didn't text back because
they didn't like me or something I said or did made him change his feelings
about me but in reality the reason that he's not texting back probably has
nothing to do with you at all by removing yourself and your actions as
a factor and why he's not texting back you'll cut through your anxiety so take
a step back and correct those cognitive stories that you've created in your mind
you don't live in his body and you don't know the reasons for his slow
communication but I can tell you this his reason for not quickly responding
probably has little or nothing to do with you
number two get real with yourself about the situation why is it that the person
you didn't know last week now has so much power over the way you feel I mean
you just met the person you hardly know him and he hardly knows you yet whether
or not he texts you has the power to completely change your mood today here's
the problem we have so much anxiety when we're waiting to hear from someone we
like because we attached so much hope to the outcome suddenly someone who was a
complete stranger last week now has the ability to affect how you feel all day
and from a logical perspective isn't that ridiculous it happens when you
start thinking of this new person as the one or when you start daydreaming and
romanticizing a relationship that doesn't even exist yet and may never
exist so instead of being able to be present and engaged in this moment
you're stuck in a future where you're assuming so much you're daydreaming and
fantasizing of all the amazing times that you will share and when you don't
hear from him you begin to imagine all the reasons why and what
will happen if he doesn't like you and when you put too much into this outcome
you become too invested in the future look it's good to plan for your future
but when you're planning with somebody else it's never so simple it's shifts
your thinking from appreciating what you have to thinking about what happens if
this person leaves you and if this future is not perfect so we are not
enjoying where we are in the moment instead we are stuck in a future where
we worry about the worst outcome number three
turn off your text notifications every time your phone beeps with a new
notification it's changing the chemistry inside your brain constant interruptions
from new emails and text messages trigger high levels of the stress
hormone cortisol which can have damaging effects on how we feel and keeping your
phone alerts on puts the human brain an almost constant high alert as it waits
for the next alert and when you hear that ding your body releases a surge of
cortisol which triggers an increase in heart rate it tightens your muscles and
causes palms to become clammy and this tense state can last until you're able
to check the alert then when we gratify our urge to check the alert it acts like
a reward for our brain and encourages repetition of this behavior this pattern
of tension and relief can influence the brain like an addiction so the key is to
reduce the level of arousal that these notifications can elicit this will
reduce the amount of cortisol released by the brain which in turn reduces a
level of anxiety and stress especially when you hear a notification but you
can't check it so as a general rule turn off the audio notifications on your
phone trust me if your phone is always around you you will be looking at it
frequently enough to notice that someone has sent you a text number four give
your phone a timeout okay now that you have your notifications turned off put
the phone down maybe in another room and continue about your date without your
phone attached to your hip and don't check it for a while do this in
intervals perhaps you check your phone every hour
or every 90 minutes this allows you to take back control and intent to messages
on your time and because your alerts are off you don't have that
in the back of your mind reminding you that he hasn't texted you you simply
won't know if he sent you a message or not and this will allow you to tuck
those thoughts away until you are ready to check your phone by the way are you a
person who ain't asleep waiting for people to respond to your messages leave
a comment below and let us know the strategies that you've used to stop
yourself from thinking about it too much number five do something engaging
productive or rewarding for you take action to engage in something specific
that will take your mind off of worrying about him texting you and do this
without your phone many times people try to engage in another activity to
distract themselves but they bring their phone along and guess what happens they
are unable to be present or enjoy the moment because their brain constantly
goes back to obsessing over why he hasn't reached out instead send an
amount of time maybe one hour maybe three hours leave your phone behind and
do something that will make you feel great something that will make you be
present in the moment you can worry about the phone when you return and
chances are when you do get back to your phone you'll see that he sent you text
or called you and now he's the one worried about a return text but wait I
know here come all the objections as to why you can't do that
what if work calls what if there's an emergency what if your BFF calls well if
you're that worried about it get in touch with them and let them know that
you'll be away from your phone for a period of time the other objection if I
don't respond to him right away he will think that I don't like him or he will
get upset actually he should feel exactly like you've just felt he'll be
wondering about why it's taken you 45 minutes or an hour to respond and maybe
worried that you're losing interest and what does that do well if he likes you
it will provoke his attention the same way your attention was provoked when you
worried about him and that can be a great thing all of this is a big problem
that modern technology has brought into our lives the expectation that we have
our phone attached to our hip and we always have to respond within minutes is
crazy how can you be present with whatever else you're doing if you're
constantly being interrupted and tending to people who could be
anywhere else in the world things shouldn't be that way we need to be
mindful and present in the moment and attend to those around us not constantly
engaging with our phones while we ignore those around us put it away and give
yourself a break and don't worry about missing his text if you've waited a long
time so can he trust me he will be more into you as a result number six overcome
your fear of being rejected overcome your fear of the relationship ending
essentially it all boils down to this if he doesn't respond you're worried that
he might not like you as much that he might not be thinking about you as much
that you aren't that important to him and that drives you crazy you're
attaching so much of your value to whether or not a person is into you or
not and if he isn't into you then that must mean that there's something wrong
with you and that simply isn't true at all this is faulty thinking the truth is
unless you've done something really off-putting such as liking every one of
his Instagram photos over the past three years or if you told him that you loved
him on your first date the fact that he isn't so into you is more about him than
it is about you and again what if he doesn't want to be in a relationship
with you what's going to happen what's going to happen if you get rejected is
the world coming to an end are you going to die now it's simply that the
friendship is over and you are no longer dating remember it feels so difficult
because you've put so much false hope into something that might not even be
possible look rejection is a disappointment it's
a feeling and it hurts and you'll probably miss that person too
you'll miss the things that you did together okay that's true but you must
adopt a belief that if it's meant to happen it will if you're not compatible
it's not going to work out in the long run anyway rejection doesn't mean that
there's something wrong with you ever it only means that whatever we are asking
for is not meant to happen at this time it does not mean that we stop living or
bury ourselves in a hole again your value as a person has nothing to do with
whether or not this person likes you or not and don't ruminate about why or what
he was thinking or is thinking you cannot mind read
you've not lived in his skin what you're imagining could be completely untrue if
a relationship is meant to be if he's the person for you if you're really that
compatible then things are going to work out but if it's not right if he's not
the right one for you if there are too many differences or if he's not the
committing type nothing you can do will change that outcome it just won't work
and that's okay now there are some things that you can do to increase the
chances of a person falling in love with you if you're interested in that click
here and watch this video or if you're interested in the one change that makes
you instantly more attractive click here to watch this video I'll see you in the
next one