- She laughed at me.
- Shame.
- Numb.
- Humiliation.
- I didn't tell anyone for six years.
- Guilty.
- Denial.
- Helpless.
- And I got a call from the detective,
he was like, "So, were you rape raped,
or did he just kind of beat you up during sex?"
- Nowadays I find it pretty easy to talk about
my assault.
I don't know if that's because I've processed it so well
or I just really haven't processed it very well at all
and I just can't feel those emotions.
- Two dudes grabbed me by the shoulders
held me in place against a countertop
while she, the older woman, proceeded to just
peel off my clothing and touch me wherever
she felt like it.
She groped me, she laughed at me.
- He grabbed me, he groped me,
he grabbed my crotch multiple times.
I wasn't sure what was happening, and he looked at me
and he said, "What's wrong?"
And I said, "Something doesn't feel right."
And he goes, "Nothing's happening, nothing's wrong."
- Things kept getting rougher and rougher.
He grabbed me really forcefully by the throat
and I couldn't breathe.
He hit me really hard across the face
and he was huge and muscle-y and holding me down.
I just felt moisture coming down my face
and I was like, "Oh you're crying."
- There's so many people who are survivors
of some sort of rape or sexual assault
so what we do is tend to shut down survivor stories.
- Hearing people's responses to it made me feel like
I couldn't trust my own intuition.
- The most damaging thing I heard was
"By talking about it, you're giving him more power."
- He told me, "I'm sorry you felt you were raped."
I felt not heard, I felt assaulted again.
- A culture that we learn to treat people like things
and you don't treat people like things.
- When I told my best friend and she was silent,
that was still a very clear, loud response
that I was making her uncomfortable
and I should stop talking.
- Sexual violence is prevalent at a massive level
in this country.
We tend to not believe people because sometimes
it's too much and then other times because
people have a vested interest in not talking about rape
and not talking about sexual violence.
What ends up happening is incredible damage to people,
their sense of self, their sense of trust in others.
I want people, all genders, always talking about consent,
not taking it for granted that somebody
wants to do something because you hope that
they want to do something.
Reaching for empathy, the sense of I'm worthwhile,
I'm valuable and so I should negotiate on my behalf.
And people respecting that you get to choose,
even if that disappoints me, even if I don't like it,
but that you still respect somebody's sovereignty.
Sexuality can be edgy and it can be exciting
and it can have an intensity to it,
but that's not rape and that's not violence,
those are other things that are not negotiated,
that are not consensual.
I want people to find pleasure in their daily lives
with one another and with themselves.
I believe pleasure and connection are the antidote
to trauma and rape culture.
- Oh! - Oh.
- We're stronger together, we love you.
- Fuck the noise.
(all laughing)
- Te queremos.
- Don't let this silence you.
- I feel held, even though I've never met these people.
- We believe you.
- Speak on it.
0h, it does not define you.
- Be gentle with yourself.
- This makes me feel like there are people to listen
even if you don't know they're right there.
- Being a male survivor, I very rarely am permitted
to talk about it, without feeling like
I'm going to make somebody uncomfortable.
- I think for me it kind of makes me think about
the power of empathy.
There's such fear around vulnerability.
I think, what's the worst that could happen,
if you tell a friend that you know who's a survivor,
"Hey just checking in, are you okay?
I just want you to know that I support you."
Even if you do have a friend who's really strong,
check in on them.
- I think especially if you're strong.
- Yeah.
- Because I feel like sometimes the strong person
gets overlooked.
- It never hurts to let someone know that
they're not alone.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Take care of yourself.
It's okay to set boundaries, it's okay to say no,
it's okay to take up space.
- [All] Fuck the noise.
- Yes.
(laughing)